That book makes me want to cry and throw up.
Anyway. Schedule. A loose schedule is really good. My boys need one because they are spirited/high needs/developmentally different in some ways. they have a hard time winding down. I give them a natural sleep aid chewable tablet to help them wind down for naptimes and bedtime, and we follow the following schedule for everyone's sanity:
Morning: they wake up whenever they want to, which is about 6:00am or so. I am not obligated to make them breakfast before 8am (my rule that I made up that I told them! Lol.) I usually start breakfast for them about 7:45, though.
Then, after breakfast, I get them dressed. No point in dressing them before breakfast, lol.
About 10am boys get a snack. (They ask for it because they are hungry.)
Naptime: I get them their tablets and get them down for naps about 11am, sometimes more like 12. I turn off all lights, pull down the shades on the windows, and turn on some soft music. I nurse the baby to sleep at this time, too. Her nap doesn't always coincide with theirs but it works out pretty well, usually.
They sleep about an hour. When they wake up, it's quiet time, TV time, and they get their ice cream for the day while they watch TV.
Then play time while I make lunch. Another snack or small meal around 3 or 4pm. At 6 we start getting ready for bed. When DH gets home, he reads to them while they lie in bed, and that's their bedtime ritual. If he's working late, I sing to them until they fall asleep.
Our schedules pretty much revolve around the boys' bedtimes (about 11am for the nap, about 6:30 or 7 for bedtime) and that gives our day a nice dependable structure to it which is still relaxed and flexible.
Also, the Continuum Concept page had some good articles about dealing with nursing toddlers. It's okay to set limits and just say no with older toddlers/preschoolers. By enforcing your own personal boundaries, you are teaching your children to have healthy boundaries, too.