How long will you make family wait to see baby when they live very close?

[acordio]

So we have heard how long some folks are waiting for visitors to come and stay after baby comes. But does anyone make the grandparents and such wait a few days or more after baby is born even though family lives only like 20 minutes away?

With our first we let family in when baby was only a few hours old and we were at the hospital, and it sucked. With our second we made everyone wait until we were home but it was only 1 day and I think we needed more time for ds to adjust to having a baby around. This time I am thinking that we want to wait 2-3 days with no exceptions because we really want the two older boys to have some time to get to know the new baby before a bunch of visitors start coming in.

[Scrubsjm]

Well my immediate family will probably come to visit at the hospital when babe is a few hours old if that. Simply because they will have my two older children with them and we want the big sisters to be able to visit the new babe! Hopefully my in-laws will stay away for a few weeks, but they are a few hours away and they stress our family out (whole family not just me)

[carmen358]

I've been thinking about this too. Neither DP nor I have any living parents anymore but we do have extended family close by that are very excited. We are planning a home birth so no one will be able to meet the baby in the hospital obviously. I'm thinking I'd like at least a few days to settle in before welcoming visitors.

[Kidzaplenty]

My mom will be there likely within hours (she only lives a mile away). And I am OK with that. The rest of our close family and friends will have to wait a few days or a week depending on what I feel like at the time. I am not above "hiding" in my room with the baby if they just show up at my door. Then I let DH "entertain" them but tell them that we are sleeping. They soon will leave (we have done this before).

Other "less intimate" friends and family will have to wait a couple of weeks.

[rsummer]

ummm, they will be there the second the baby gets there, not by my choice. It would get really sticky if it went any other way.

[djinneyah]

my mom will be over shortly afterwards, dad probably a few hours later (depending on when he works and when i have the baby). my grandparents will ask for pictures ASAP and get around to seeing the baby when they can, maybe not for several months.

in-laws...MIL and FIL are divorced, FIL can't travel and lives out of state, so we will send pictures...MIL will most likely want to come visit a few weeks later, which is fine with me, as long as she stays in a hotel.

as for aunts and uncles...i'm an only child, and dh's brother's aren't yet in their 20's and not really interested.

[Usually Curious]

We moved away from our families last year so this is all new for us. I imagine our close friends will be here to see quickly, but likely drop off food and stay for a short time only. Anyone with food is welcome!

A poster on another thread put a sign on her front door that said something like, "If you're bringing lasagna come in, if not come back later" :

[StrawberryFields]

I don't mind visitors or make anyone wait.

[Gray's Mommy]

I am thinking they will come over when they want to. My mom will be here for the birth and my sister & her family will be here sometime the same day. I am taking all visitors in my bedroom for the first 3 to 5 days or so...no chairs~ They can stay as long as they like, but since there won't be a place to sit--they'll be on their own.

[geo_girl]

....I only wish my family was closer.

MIL is only 5 hrs away, and I really don't want her here for the first 2 weeks -at least

....we'll see.

cheers,
charlene

[Sproutsmama]

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking about this...

Last time we were literally bombarded by well meaning (if not a little selfish) guests. We had a homebirth and hope to again this time but last time all three sets of grandparents were in the room with me and the babe within hours after the birth- and there were so many of them that when I wanted to go sit elsewhere it wasn't possible because the babe and I would literally be attacked. My son was born in June and this baby is due in January and we live in a rural wintery place so we might not get as many visitors right off the bat.

I am fine with my mom and stepdad being around right away but I think everyone else is going to have to stay away for at least a few days (I hope I can avoid guilt tripping myself about that). Luckily my mom and I have discussed this and she is willing to be the bouncer. Our house is small and I honestly don't feel like I have to share my new family member just because other people want me to. Also, right after the birth last time I got the baby blues and was super emotional on top of sleep deprived etc so having tons of guests made life harder not easier.

I like Graysmama's idea of a visiting room with no chair- anyone have success with that? We tried last time and people just started plunking themselves down on the bed with me.

Obviously I wasn't prepared for all the loving attention last time, so this time I will be! Thanks for starting the wheels turning!

[sweetpea_119]

I'm sure my in-laws will all be visiting us within a day (at the most two for my sil's) since they're the only family who live close as well as being the ones who will end up with my older three kiddos during our HB. Then my mil will come every or nearly every day for the first couple of weeks to cover the time my DH is gone to work so that I can stay off my feet ...unless DH is laid-off, I suppose, but I hope he's working because she's MUCH better at taking care of me and the other kids!!

[hakeber]

My older sister will be with me during the birth, but our family lives far away so they usually have to wait until after the baby is born to make plans, so they don't show up before and have to go back too soon, so I usually have a couple weeks of quiet time.

But friends and neighbors are welcome to come if they make themselves useful by either bringing food or holding the baby while I shower or pee or other such luxuries. I prefer in groups no larger than two people.

If my family did live close by, I would say only my parents and siblings in small doses and only if they are useful and helpful...which they always are actually.

[Kirsten]

My best friend's mom ("Grammy" to my kids) was in the hall when she was born, and in the room as soon as I was decent - maybe 30 minutes tops? I was fine with that. Dd1 was born LATE at night so no one else came until the morning - my sister, LOTS of friends, my boss with her husband and two kids. It was a party!

I was actually hurt (kind of still am to this day but no way to remedy) that my brother didn't come when dd1 was born. He was the second one there when dd2 was born though - learned his lesson! My sister had dd1 and brought her to us within a few hours.

Dd3 was born at home at 8:30 p.m. so no one came until the morning. I think it is kind of mean to refuse to let people see you and the baby. Our neighbors (and good friends) had a baby, and I went over to find a note on the door that they weren't taking visitors. I was really taken back by that. I can understand limiting long visits if you are tired or baby isn't tolerating it, but I WANTED everyone to see the baby. If you have people who love you enough to want to come soon after baby arrives, I'd count yourself lucky. But if it will really annoy you, wait a day. Anything more than a day seems really harsh to me, but I let everyone in as soon as I have my clothes back on - so just ignore me!

[rlmueller]

Kirsten's brave

I didn't even call my own mother until 14 hours after my first son was born. And then family showed 3-4 weeks later. Perfect!

This one, I have saintly neighbors who will come I'm sure--maybe even be there (by choice) for the birth. Father lives on my property--I don't think I'll tell him I'm in labor. I have 3 SIL's and their family that will trickle in and be helpful (I love them). And the 'rents and rent in-laws will trickle down during the next couple of months.

So I'm happy with that set-up.

[acordio]

Glad to know there are others that are feeling the same way as I. This is our 1st homebirth and I don't know what to expect right after being that we will have the kids with us. At this point we will tell the grandparents it will be a couple of days before we allow visitors but that might change depending on how I am feeling.

I really like the having visitors in the bedroom thing. With my first I was sitting in chair in our house with visitors and I should have been laying down. I was in so much pain it probably aided in my popping a stich.

[mrsfrenchy]

MIL will be over right away (if not at the birth--my choice), she'll have DD anyway, but she's also incredibly helpful (i.e. she cleaned my whole house the day after DD was born and went grocery shopping for me). My parents will probably be over within a few hours and they're also semi helpful.
DH's aunt is welcome to come over whenever.

Other relatives will have to wait a few days at least. The people 'allowed' to come over are those that don't need entertaining and will be really helpful.

[scheelimama]

I would let them over right away. We will likely have another middle of the night babe, so by right away, I'm assuming they would not want to come over until morning, but if they did want to come over sooner, I'd let them. I'm always on a high after baby is born and can't sleep anyway. Last time, we did not have any family nearby, but we did let all of our close friends come see the baby within 24 hours. I don't have a problem with it. I wouldn't let them stay a long time. I mean, my mom or MIL could stay for several hours since they would be helpful, probably doing laundry, dishes, making food for us, etc., but everyone else gets kicked out after 15 minutes or so, I just feign being tired and needing to go sleep or nurse. Nobody thinks twice about that when you've just had a baby.

[seaheroine]

My two sisters, MIL, Mom and Dad were in our bedroom with us when she was born. I loved having them there...it was really supportive for me during labor! After I held and nursed DD for quite some time, she went in the living room with them while I was stitched up -- which I was fine with. There are some amazing pictures of them taking turns holding her...she was sleeping for quite some time.

After we all ate, my family stayed until that evening. They cleaned my house, washed laundry, went and bought dinner and held the baby as much as I wanted so I could shower and sleep. Everyone but my Mom left by the evening...she stayed for two days and nights, which was an absolute blessing. She helped us so much and went out for a few hours each day so DH and I were alone with DD for a bit.

I really liked having them around, though, I was overwhelmed with a newborn. This time I know they'll be really great helping out with DD, who will be two. They're great about not overstaying their welcome. SO...everyone is welcome to come near the end of labor and stay as long as they wish.

[rachel65655]

My MIL/FIL, BIL/SIL and 3 kids, BIL/SIL and 2 kids, DH's Grandmother, and my own mother all live within 1/4 to 1 mile away. My sister and her DH are talking about visiting from CT starting in about Dec. Not necessarily to be here for the birth or anything but because they are in the application process for the Peace Corp and will hopefully be leaving early in the new year and they want to spend some time with us and my mother before they go overseas, I'm ok with that since she will most likely clean for me at least. My younger brother and his fiancé have said something about coming down from WI and I really hope they don't. They have to most awful 3 children on the face of the planet and I don't want to deal with that when I am recovering from having twins.

Our church family is also quite large. Most of the families also have lots of children. We are going to institute some rules for church visitors. I really don't want to entertain a bunch of people and their broods of children too.

1. If you or anybody in family has been sick in the last week...stay away...My children were sick almost all last winter because every time we were at church we picked something else up (we had it all 3 bouts of stomach flu, fifth's disease, chicken pox, etc...) I don't want anybody who has been sick around the little babes. We might even say that no children are allowed.

2. Bring Food

3. Clean something

4. We are also going to limit the visit time. I feel a little bad about this since we drive 50 miles to go to church but I don't think that I can handle lots of visitors all at once and have them stay for as long as they like. It is possible that we will schedule times when it is ok for people to come and have a sign up sheet so that no more than one family comes at a time.

I know that I will be bombarded with visitors right away and I usually don't mind but this time I feel like we will get many more just because it is twins...I know I am going to end up feeling like a side show.