... drives us truly crazy.
My kids deeply love each other, and lately it shows more by them sometimes spontaneously hugging/kissing each other or saying they like/missed each other. BUT sibling conflict hasn't been ANY less. It's been going on for a pretty long time already that they've been what seems to us like fighting at least half of the day, sometimes more. I know in general sibling conflict and rivalry are normal, and healthy. But here it is so frequent, continuous even, and our constant concerns of someone getting (really) hurt have been come true countless times (and occasionally with visible marks). Whatver we try, whatever we do, they are these two personalities that seem to (need to?) fight most of the time... I find myself HAVING to intervene all day long, trying to have them concentrate on separate activities, in seperate rooms, or quiet activities together, but it seems like any type of activity and any type of object seems to end in conflict, if not at the start, or the middle, then for sure in the end. I/we go shopping with them, they fight (physically, too); at home, they fight; on the playground/in the park it's often a parental nightmare, again there they are SO wild/active and/or in conflict that it gets reckless, often chasing each other that leads from one to the other; at other people's homes, the same; in the car: so far so good, trips have been no longer than 30 min. (but then again on the road it's often been ds2 having serious, crazy, dangerous meltdowns :-(), so I do fear for our road trip to come (see other thread).
Also, I sure know how to distinguish normal 'wild play' and rough play, and where it is getting, or most likely will get, out of hand/violent. Often though it happens in just a few seconds and it's too late to intervenve.
They just seem too absorbed in the wild(er)ness/issues between themselves to have ears for someone else trying to provide outside help to get out of conflict zone. Frustration buildup with parent as a result which also doesn't help but after x times TRYING ypour very best and no change, that's pretty normal I guess. I give myself and dh much credit for that, as did many ppl in our environment when they see how it's been going on so often between our children (I notice most ppl seem to finally understand what we were talking about when they'd experienced it a couple of times with our kids, otherwise we mostly feel being judged as parents/children/family by attitude and looks :-( ). It's plain frustrating, exhausting, and saddening too. I try to do many fun activities, at home, often enough outdoors, sometimes away (but that's often the worst...) and it doesn't seem to change any of the energy. Often wondering why I put all this energy in all of this for just the very same 'result'.
Does at least someone recognise this with his/her children? I do not see it anywhere around us! Yes, hyperactive child hee and there, but not TWO and then two that are in conflict all of the time. We feel like a pretty abnormal kids-always-in-conflict- parents-not-having-control (I mean, judged by others, I personally do not wish the control-all type of parent :-).
It seems like ENDless some days/weeks, and we are just (literally, and figuratively speaking) tired of having them hurt each other, or have new scratches and other (mostly considerably small) injuries...and them seemingly not caring much about having hurt each other and it happening again the next day, and the next, ...
The only way to have them in two seperate rooms actually, by now, would mean locking them in, seriously, they always keep on looking for each other with the known consequence(s)! And of course (for clarity!!!), NO WAY we're gonna do that, ever!
Fyi: please don't talk to me about the book on the subject :-(, I do not have it right now (hard to get my hands on it here), do not have a library where I can get it either.
What I need NOW is some clever adice/tips (not a(nother) book recommendation.)
HELP.
And thx.
My kids deeply love each other, and lately it shows more by them sometimes spontaneously hugging/kissing each other or saying they like/missed each other. BUT sibling conflict hasn't been ANY less. It's been going on for a pretty long time already that they've been what seems to us like fighting at least half of the day, sometimes more. I know in general sibling conflict and rivalry are normal, and healthy. But here it is so frequent, continuous even, and our constant concerns of someone getting (really) hurt have been come true countless times (and occasionally with visible marks). Whatver we try, whatever we do, they are these two personalities that seem to (need to?) fight most of the time... I find myself HAVING to intervene all day long, trying to have them concentrate on separate activities, in seperate rooms, or quiet activities together, but it seems like any type of activity and any type of object seems to end in conflict, if not at the start, or the middle, then for sure in the end. I/we go shopping with them, they fight (physically, too); at home, they fight; on the playground/in the park it's often a parental nightmare, again there they are SO wild/active and/or in conflict that it gets reckless, often chasing each other that leads from one to the other; at other people's homes, the same; in the car: so far so good, trips have been no longer than 30 min. (but then again on the road it's often been ds2 having serious, crazy, dangerous meltdowns :-(), so I do fear for our road trip to come (see other thread).
Also, I sure know how to distinguish normal 'wild play' and rough play, and where it is getting, or most likely will get, out of hand/violent. Often though it happens in just a few seconds and it's too late to intervenve.
They just seem too absorbed in the wild(er)ness/issues between themselves to have ears for someone else trying to provide outside help to get out of conflict zone. Frustration buildup with parent as a result which also doesn't help but after x times TRYING ypour very best and no change, that's pretty normal I guess. I give myself and dh much credit for that, as did many ppl in our environment when they see how it's been going on so often between our children (I notice most ppl seem to finally understand what we were talking about when they'd experienced it a couple of times with our kids, otherwise we mostly feel being judged as parents/children/family by attitude and looks :-( ). It's plain frustrating, exhausting, and saddening too. I try to do many fun activities, at home, often enough outdoors, sometimes away (but that's often the worst...) and it doesn't seem to change any of the energy. Often wondering why I put all this energy in all of this for just the very same 'result'.
Does at least someone recognise this with his/her children? I do not see it anywhere around us! Yes, hyperactive child hee and there, but not TWO and then two that are in conflict all of the time. We feel like a pretty abnormal kids-always-in-conflict- parents-not-having-control (I mean, judged by others, I personally do not wish the control-all type of parent :-).
It seems like ENDless some days/weeks, and we are just (literally, and figuratively speaking) tired of having them hurt each other, or have new scratches and other (mostly considerably small) injuries...and them seemingly not caring much about having hurt each other and it happening again the next day, and the next, ...
The only way to have them in two seperate rooms actually, by now, would mean locking them in, seriously, they always keep on looking for each other with the known consequence(s)! And of course (for clarity!!!), NO WAY we're gonna do that, ever!
Fyi: please don't talk to me about the book on the subject :-(, I do not have it right now (hard to get my hands on it here), do not have a library where I can get it either.
What I need NOW is some clever adice/tips (not a(nother) book recommendation.)
HELP.
And thx.
My 12 yr old and 6 yr old brought the Wii downstairs so I could watch them play this morning. Cool right? Wrong. They spent about 20 minutes arguing over every single thing so I finally disconnected the darn thing and put it in my bedroom. However, they would fight over a blank wall if given the chance.
around age 4/5 they started arguing more often. It was easy when my youngest was younger because she simply did everything her older brother was doing.
