Instilling Manners in a 6 Year Old

[augustmom]

For me, manners are important. I kind of cringe when I hear and see bad manners by both my kids and others, so don't fault me for wanting to help my 6 year old daughter use better manners. She uses her manners sometimes, but other times, no.

I don't want to put her on the spot or embarrass her in front of someone by saying "What do you say" or "Say please" or "Say thank you" I can tell it annoys her, and to tell you the truth, I don't like it either but I don't want her to walk away from a nice gesture without acknowledging it.

Any other tactics I can use without the need to say the above?

[momma_unlimited]

You can offer your gratitude for things done on behalf of your child- in this way you model the behaviour you wish to teach, you don't coerce yoru child, and niceties are not ignored. Also, at home, sometimes I carry on little conversations of what I would like to hear. So when I give my 2 yr old his breakfast, if he is silent I might say "Thank you mommy" and then answer back "Your welcome, my pleasure". Not over-exaggerated or as if I'm annoyed he didn't say it; just matter of factly. I think the more they hear and see good manners the more it will just be a normal part of life.

[hipumpkins]

At 6 I use the raised eyebrow to remind DD to say Thank you. She gets "the look" and she says thank you.
For DS who is just newly 4 I say, "As soon as someone hands you something you say...."
He doesn't need as many reminders. He is very well mannered but DD seems to really resist it. she wasn't one of those kids that picked it up by modeling. I went that route and had a kid who very happy NOT to say anything ever. So I started pushing it more around...maybe 4 or even as late as 5.

[P-chan]

If I can see the situation coming, I prep him for it (e.g., "Here comes our waiter...remember how to order politely? Great.").

I'll also say, "Oh, Mrs. G. gave you something!" as a prompt for "thank you." This works well if the something is intangible, such as a compliment.

[SeekingSerenity]

I'm subbing because my 6-year old has terrible manners. He didn't used to. I don't know if it's a phase or what, but DD who will be 4 in September, is starting to pick up his bad habits. She tends to be very demanding. DS is not so much demanding as just abrupt and forgetful of the polite words.

For instance, he'll ask very sweetly for a drink of milk. He just won't say please. He will display gratitude for receiving something, he just forgets to actually say thank you. DD is going through this thing where she walks up to me and says, "Milk." When I prompt her to ask nicely, she will. "Please may I have milk, mommy?" So I say yes, but if I am doing something (like nursing her baby brother or typing something on the computer, even cooking or going to the bathroom) and don't immediately move to get the milk, she yells, "Milk! NOW!!" which sort of negates the polite request she just made.

Usually I will use the "What do you say?" reminder tactic with my 6-year old, but I, too, hate that. Practicing before the event is a good idea, as well as "talking to myself."

One thing I have used with DD, because she tends to be outright rude to me, is to simply and calmly refuse her request. She will look utterly flabbergasted for a moment then do one of two things: remember to ask nicely or completely melt down into a tantrum.

Hopefully they'll work through these things soon...

[augustmom]

Thanks for the great advice. I really do appreciate it.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

When I need to remind my 6 YO DD to say thank you, I try to do it so that the other person won't hear. I've been known to lean down to look at what she has, then whisper. Or to give her a hug so I can whisper "Please remember to say thank you". That way she remembers and I'm not embarrassing her any more than I can help.