How to handle lying in a 3.5 year old

[natural_mama89]

my son has been lying a lot lately. I know at this age they can have a hard time distinguishing reality from make-believe. He seems to lie about so many things though. Like this morning he went out of his room after he woke up and went into DPs music room, where he knows he is not supposed to be. He does have to go through the room to get to ours, but he knows he can only play the drums or anything if one of us is with him. When asked what he was doing he said he was changing his clothes which was absurd because his clothes are in his room. Or he will get in the refrigerator without asking then says he was going to the bathroom. Is there anything I can do?

[natural_mama89]

Anyone?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

At that age, its not exactly lying. He is having difficulty following the rules and then compensating afterwards because he doesn't want to get into trouble.

The issue isn't with lying, its with being unable (at his age) to follow certain rules and needing help to be more successful.

Sounds like the way the house is set up is very challenging in terms of not touching the music stuff. It is asking a child that age too much to be able to walk through such a room without touching anything. Is it possible to switch the rooms around so that the music room doesn't have to be walked through to get to your bedroom?

The refrigerator is also an area of interest that hits all children. He sees his parents using the frig and of course he wants to do so himself. Being off limits, its all that more exciting. Probably the best thing to do is make an area in the frig that is his, with snacks that he can easily access at any time, then encourage him to use the frig by himself any time he wants as long as he chooses from his shelf.

I really wouldn't consider the issue here about lying, but more about impulse control. And the solution to that is modifying the environment so he can be more successful.

[meemee]

I totally agree with BC.

its also the start of the stage for autonomy.

it is also the time to see how the rules are in the house. are they too strict.

what really took care of the 'lying' was letting my dd voice her opinion. when she shared with me her desire for something. it was the beginning of our real communication. i caught her eating more than one popsicle than she was allowed. so somedays she woudl tell me she REAAAAAAAAALy wants more than one popsicle and i would say yes or no based on what happened before. in fact i would never say no. i would help her see why i was saying no.

i noticed when i 'allowed' her to say anything - the 'lying' and 'stealing' went away completely. she is almost 7 and has never done it since then.

i recall i did it because i was scared of my parents and felt they did not understand me. there was no open dialogue between us.