Biting 2 year old

[wildflower18]

What are some strategies that you've used for a biting toddler? I'm not always able to pinpoint the reason. When he bites me, it's for attention. I'm distracted or doing something else. When he bites friends, it could still be attention. I'm not paying close enough attention to him...and he likes my reaction of swooping in and trying to pull him away? Yesterday a few times it was because his toy was yanked out of his hand by a friend. That's the most obvious reason I've been able to detect. But then it turns into some odd game. Anytime he's near the kid he just takes a bite out of them!

I've tried - NO BITE! IT HURTS! that seems hugely unsuccessful. I've tried paying more attention to the bitten child, but I feel like the parent typically wants to comfort their own child and I feel compelled to "discipline" my own child because someone is watching me. I've tried making him sit in my lap, but that just seems to be a struggle and he doesn't seem to relate it to the biting. When he gets down, he just does it again.

The most effective thing was when he bit me nursing. I told him that mommy had a boo boo and couldn't nurse. I didn't nurse from that side while he was awake. He tried to bite me once a week later, but I did the same thing and it seemed to do the trick.

But playing with another child - I just don't see how it's always feasible to say your friend has a boo boo so you can't play with him anymore. Sometimes we can pack up and leave, but not always.

I'm desperate. Luckily he's not in daycare, but it's getting to the point where I don't want to take him to playgroups, etc because it will result in repeated biting. And he's getting a reputation.

HELP!

[jennifercp8]

I always pack up and leave - no matter what the situation. It has made for some hasty exits, but I refuse to let my DS think he can get away with biting. I know it's a phase that most kids go through, but my DS is now 3, and has been in a biting 'phase' for almost a year and a half. Nowadays, it feels like a lifestyle and not a phase. He bites when angry, so he has completely different motives (it seems) than your situation.

The thing that works for me is to really anticipate, and be that hover-parent. When he is angry and throwing a tantrum, I tell him quite sternly "do NOT bite me" and that is usually enough to hit his reset button and alert him to stop. When we are with other kids I try to always be next to him. I stopped him from biting once by covering his mouth as he was leaning in towards a little girl who had stolen his toy. He bit me, but at least it wasn't another kid.

ETA: I totally sympathize! I meant to write that first, but I was too excited to give an answer! lol My DS has that reputation, and it stinks. I stopped taking him to story time at the nice library because of it, and I am just now starting to take him to play groups again. I couldn't show my face at the mall play area for the longest time without wondering if people were telling their kids to avoid mine. Hopefully you find something soon that will work for you!

[wildflower18]

Thanks for your advice. I'm concerned that if we pack up right away that he will never learn how to appropriately interact or behave with his peers. Most of the parents seem amenable to giving it a try since although he has bitten in the past, he previously only did it as a phase when teething.

We got the book Teeth are not for Biting. And we hope to take short visits to friends houses to give him some success before he even tries to bite. I'm noticing that the biting typically starts after he's been there for a while, so maybe it's boredom and he wants to get some attention.

Thanks again for your sympathy. It's no fun to be the parent of a biter.

Still looking for others experiences and suggestions!

[guestmama9972]

My 17 mo has been biting for a couple of months now. It seems like her motivation is anger or frustration. At first I redirected her, but that quickly lost effectiveness because she'd make a beeline back to the victim to bite them again. Then I began to anticipate when she'd bite and hover there, ready to distract or remove her from the situation. People told me all kinds of stories about how I should bite her back to teach her not to bite, etc. No thanks.

However, nothing seemed to teach her that biting was inappropriate until.....yesterday. She leaned over and tried to bite my leg and I grumpily said, "Bite yourself". She did, and she did not like it. She left teeth marks on her own hand and looked shocked at what transpired. Twice since then she has bitten her hand when she was angry and both times she has looked very surprised. Whether or not she has really learned that biting is wrong, I don't know, but she has learned that it hurts.

I hope this will be the end of biting. She still pulls hair, pushes, and hits but at least she won't draw blood doing any of those things, and we will continue to work on those other behaviors.

It is so odd how different kids from the same family can be. My older dds NEVER bit or hit anyone. My little one is very assertive and gets downright aggressive if she doesn't get her way.

[CatherineEL]

My son (almost 2 1/2) is going through a phase of biting when he is excited. When he's mad, he usually yells or cries, so we haven't dealt with him hurting another when he is mad. But it still hurts to be bit, and I drew the line when he bit hard enough to leave a little bruise.

So we've been telling him "Kiss, not bite." And it is working. I think he just gets worked up (when tired, overstimulated, etc) and needs some outlet for his energy, so he feels like biting. But giving him another option seems to provide the outlet without hurting another.

So far so good, and it's also working with "Hug, not hit".....

Good luck!

[greeny]

Oh, that is so hard! We went through a really long and difficult phase with my ds, who was a biter. He bit from 2 till about 3.5 or so. Things that helped:

1. ALWAYS stayed right next to him. It sucked, because I never got to relax and have coffee and chat with other moms. I had to be ultra vigilant because the smallest perceived slight (thinking someone might take a toy from him) caused him to bite.

2. When he was around 3, we started leaving immediately if he bit someone. At that age, I knew he was old enough to get the message. You bite, we leave. Let me tell you, we left many, many places in a hurry. But he slowly started to learn that if he wanted to play, he had to play nice.

3. Role-playing. We played a lot of "what would you do," in which I'd set up a situation and we'd discuss it. "What would you do if somebody took this toy from you?" We'd talk about options, and I'd remind him that the first thing to do is say, "Please give that back!" Then we'd act it out. I'd take a toy away from him and give him the chance to practice the "correct" response.

It took a long time for him to grow out of this phase, and it was so embarrassing and isolating for me. Just be consistent. And remember that you are not a bad mom because your kid bites. (I'm not saying you think you are, but I thought I was for a long time, and it was so hard to remain positive and happy.)

Good luck!

[icxcnika]

Oh, may I please join this thread? I was just coming to post about my 17mo, who has just started biting. She usually doesn't seem to do it out of frustration or anger (though she has a few times), but rather to get people's attention, and, it seems, to experiment with using her teeth. None of my older kids have done this, and she is so young. What should I do, in a GD context, with a child younger than 2 who bites??

[wildflower18]

Thanks again for the advice and to know that I am not alone! I don't necessarily think I'm a bad parent because my child bites, but it is isolating and frustrating for me to not be able to sit and chat. And the thought of packing up and leaving everytime he bites....well, I just might as well stay home! On the other hand though, I don't want everyone saying,...ugh here he comes again. I do think that people think I should be controlling my child better - and if I did, he wouldn't bite.

icx - it sounds like our children are biting for similar reasons. I believe my son is biting for attention, so hovering is only going to give him more of it. I really need watch more closely thought and touch base with him before the biting starts and praise him while he is playing well with others.

We've started reading the book Teeth are NOT for Biting. He often says "No Bite Mommy, No Bite Daddy, etc.." But he is still biting. DH and I realize we need to come up with a plan that we are both consistent with. Don't you just wish you could reason with a 2 year old!