How do I control my screaming at 2y o DS?

[infinit]

Hi everyone. I am writting as I really need support rigt now. here is the story.
I have 2 lovelly kids - DS 2y 10m old, and DD - 11mo. I have worn both kids, and still wear DD quite a lot. both breasfed, cosleeping... well, lately my relationship with my son started turning uglyer every day, and it's killing me. And I see that this is MY problem and not his, as the worst thing he does is whining, and that is not a crime in any way. but the way I react to his whining is just awfull and I hate this taking place every time, but I just can't control myself and snap at him really ugly every time. Things get even worse as Bogdan is starting to copy my behaviour - screaming at me and at his little sister... I come from a screaming-yelling-really loud family myself. I always hated when my parrents would yell at each other and at me and my brother, and here I am doing the same thing.... this is just terrible...
I am going throu a pretty hard time right now, with both kids with me all day every day, no babysitters or any other type of help, keeping the house tidy and the family fed, WAHM in the baby carriers business, and lots of other stuff on my mind and in my schedule, that is all very exhausting... I guess my bussy schedule has a lot to do with my snaping and yelling, but this is no excuse for me to constantly scream at my son...

...so it's something like this, and I have no idea about how to get out of this situation (it started some time in april, when we moved to a new home). Oh, tell me at least that this is just a phase and that it will soon be over...

P.S.: english is not my native language, so excuse my misstakes in my writting please! ))

[bzmum]

I had the same issue with my DS after I had my daughter. Although I don't come from a screaming or loud family I found that I was snapping all the time. It was very hard for me to adjust to being home again (I have a very personlly rewarding career) and caring for two children full-time. I ended up asking a social worker who facilitated the mom and baby group that I attended to come to my home to help with strategies because my son was very naughty to get my attention. It helped a lot. It sounds like you are just worn out...so, try to get some time for yourself, no matter how short. Do you have a friend that could watch your kids for an hour so you could grab a coffee and read a magazine or can you take time in the evenings once every couple weeks to have a glass of wine and relax with a movie rental? For the whining, I tell my son that I don't understand what he's saying when he whines and that he needs to use his big boy voice...then I go about what I was doing and ignore him until he talks to me in a normal voice. It generally works. I hope you get through this...I definitely empathize!

[dogretro]

I, too, hate hate HATE whining (and shrieking), and I will sometimes snap at my daughter when she is whining and crying about something. One thing that does help me v much to break MY response cycle is to sing my response to her instead of saying it.

She v often whines & cries while I am getting her milk in the morning. Well, she is only one, she doesnt understand when I tell her that I am pouring the milk, she will have it in two minutes, so she cries. Loudly. While the baby is asleep. If I sing to her that I am pouring the milk and she will have it soon, it may not change her behaviour, but it helps to keep me from feeling negative towards her and from snapping at her or being nasty. I do remind her that she does not need to cry about it, too

[happyhippy]

Originally Posted by dogretro

If I sing to her that I am pouring the milk and she will have it soon, it may not change her behaviour, but it helps to keep me from feeling negative towards her and from snapping at her or being nasty.

That is so sweet! I think ill try that too.
Sometimes ill sing to myself (quietly) when the kids are winding me up. It goes something like " Im losing my mind. Im going insane. Oh my goodness, somebody save me."
Basically i just do it to give myself a good laugh and not attach to the routine kid chaos.

I think lots of yelling is a bad pattern to get stuck in. If you can stop and find your center before you get upset you can cool the flames before they erupt. That means you have to check in with yourself a lot throughout the day. Youve got to notice when youre feeling off and realign to center. Are you well fed, watered, got enough sleep? Are you peeved from an earlier thing? Finding our center..breathe, smile, sing, pray, affirm, meditate do yoga (and i dont mean like an hour class i mean like a stretch you can do in the bathroom) etcetera.

Oh there are millions of ways you can get out of the pattern, guess you have to pick one thats right for you and go there.
I like to read lots of parenting books and that keeps me on target with my parenting goals.
And... i think the hardest part....send yourself love when you slip and yell. beating yourself up will only continue the pattern. You need love too and in order to be able to give your kids love youve got to honor yourself with love too.

[DanAbimytwomiracle]

I would consider PPD - believe it or not, anger is also a sign of depression, and can obviously be very damaging. you sounds very stressed and might need to get some help for yourself to be a better mom. I have been there, and was so glad when I finally - way too late but finally - got some help.