Would you let your son wear a dress/skirt? - Page 9

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by eclipse

If my daughter wanted a mohawk, she could have one. If my youngest ds wanted one, I would be more hesitant, but only because he really loves his long hair, and before he had any kind of hair cut, I'd have to make sure he completely understood that his hair would be gone for a long time before it would grow back.

We're already prepping for the backlash because dh and I agree that once dd is old enough to understand that haircuts are semi-permanent, she can do whatever she wants. (I think that might be somewhere around 6 years old, but it will depend on her.) She may be a traditionalist, of course, but she be more adventurous. My mom goes into a blind panic every time we so much as trim her hair, because she thinks girls HAVE to have "feminine" hair (my sister and I actually spent most of our adulthoods still feeling horrible and guilty every time we got our hair cut above shoulder length). As I said above, dh's parents are very rigid about gender norms and, in fact, anything that doesn't signal conformity.

If dd shows up at her grandparents' one day with a mohawk, there are going to be some raised eyebrows. But, of course, she can dye it pink so it's more appropriate for girls.

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

I personally would have a problem with it. I am one of those people who believe that dresses and pink is for girls.

Really? Pink is for girls??

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali

Really? Pink is for girls??

Yeah, someone should tell that to my dh.

That's another thing I don't get: why is perfectly acceptable for ADULT males to wear pink, but not acceptable for male children? My dh wears pink, my dad wears pink button-downs to work, my FIL wears pink polo shirts--my dad and FIL, in particular, are pretty conservative, and neither thinks there is anything weird or daring about this.

[pandora665]

I've read most of this thread, and I would get a dress for my (hypothetical) son... if he ASKED.

Pointing to one could indicate a myriad of things, and I would be fine with putting one in the dress-up bin based on pointing. But.... I probably wouldn't wear it out for errands unless he actually asked to do so, with words. Mostly b/c I don't want to be the mom who "forced her boy to wear a dress". I'm more talking from my (hypothetical) son's perspective as a teenager/adult, rather than other people's perception of us. I would like my child to be able to say that he picked it, b/c dresses are a very gendered item in our current culture (even more so than skirts, IMHO). I would have no problem dressing a child of either gender in any color, before they could give their say.

My brother had really long hair as a preteen/teenager, and got mistaken for a girl a lot... but he was cool with it, and really didn't care what others thought. He also wore a kilt for his wedding. He didn't want to wear dresses to the grocery store, though. My mom would have likely let him, if he'd ever asked.

We had a wonderful friend/neighbor as a child who loved sparkles and boas, and he wore them everywhere.... but he asked to do that. He's now a former Olympic figure skater, so I guess it's good he could put up with a sparkle or two.

I would also prefer my daughter not put on her giant tulle dress to go on normal errands either. Fancy dresses are a PITA when pottying or anything else. I also imagine that most dresses are tricky for little boys to potty in if they stand up to pee, coordinating holding everything out of the way...

My two cents. Good luck.

[hibiscus mum]

One of my fondest childhood memories is of my little brother wearing an old rainbow dress of mine. He used to love spinning around in it to make the skirt twirl. It's such a beautiful image in my mind. My brother was so attached to the dress that he wanted to wear it on his first day of preschool. My mom was hesitant and didn't want him to wear it, so she told him he could bring it with him, but had to wear something else.

All the kids sat in a circle at the start of preschool, and my little brother laid the dress out in front of him and just sort of stroked the material. That still makes me smile.

So, I'd like DS wear a dress if he were so inclined. I'm not sure how my husband would feel about it, though. I'll have to ask him later.

[Mama2Bug]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

I personally would have a problem with it. I am one of those people who believe that dresses and pink is for girls.

Why?

[pixiekisses]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

I personally would have a problem with it. I am one of those people who believe that dresses and pink is for girls.

Say what now?
So my boys, and my dear can't wear pink? Or any other men and boys I know? What does it mean when they do then?

[wanderinggypsy]

I have two sons. They can wear pink if they want. They've never wanted to, although my oldest did wear quite a bit of purple for a year or two.

I think I'd hesitate to let them go out in public wearing dresses, though. I mean, if it were important to them I suppose I'd relent, but I would try to gently explain to them that it would be very surprising to the general public to see boys in dresses. I would offer dressing up in them at home as compensation.

I think if it were a big enough issue that a boy were really insistent on wearing dresses in public, then that's probably part of the child's personality that you aren't going to successfully change by forcing a dress code on him. I think we as parents are here to offer guidance, but not force really super strict rules over things that fall into the realm of self-expression.

(As an aside, if the dress were 'prosti-tot' style, you know the type, really sleazy looking stuff designed for kids, neither my sons nor my daughter would be permitted to wear it, in or out of the house - I just hate that cheap crap that makes kids look like pageant freaks)

[Aubergine68]

Well, I've heard from several sources that pink used to be a "boy" color until WWII, when Nazis used the pink triangle to identify homosexuals in concentration camps.....http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=238733 If this is so, well, I'm certainly not going to enforce color rules started by Nazis on my kids....

I tend to tell children in my house that "the rainbow belongs to everyone" and it is ok for anyone to like any color. My sons happen to have a rose-pink and cranberry red room, because I painted it for my daughter six years ago and now it is theirs and they love it. When/if they want to change it, we'll do so.

My ds2 has a pair of pale purple crocs that make his feet dance when he wears them..and he has been known to wear his older sister's tshirts or dressup dresses out in public. He has also become attached to other odd items of clothing, like winter boots in July. I just say, "Nobody has a sense of style like a three yr old!" and most people smile and nod. He thinks pink is "the beautiful color" especially hot pink.

I tend to direct ds away from sparkly girly clothes in full-price stores, but I also only go into those stores with a very specific mission in mind -- like, coordinating dress shirts for my kids for a family portrait. And I never encouraged my dd to get really "girly" stuff either -- ime, few "girl" clothes are designed to be practical for active play. In a thrift store, anything goes.

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by wanderinggypsy

I

(As an aside, if the dress were 'prosti-tot' style, you know the type, really sleazy looking stuff designed for kids, neither my sons nor my daughter would be permitted to wear it, in or out of the house - I just hate that cheap crap that makes kids look like pageant freaks)

Yeah, that.

[Tanibani]

My son is 9 now. When he was 3.5 he walked into a Disney store, saw all the glittery dresses on the wall and gasped.

I let him wear princess dresses at home ONLY (not around the neighborhood b/c I didn't want people reminding him of that for the rest of his life). He didn't like that rule, but that was fine.

He went to a little girlfriend's princess party wearing a princess dress.

DH was not happy with any of this and I told him to R-E-L-A-X and this was a phase and we should let it play out. It did. For weeks though in our play-based parent co-op preschool, he went to the costume area and wore girly dresses.

Eventually he lost interest.

[transylvania_mom]

I wouldn't let my ds wear a dress, people are cruel. I was already pushing it when I let him run naked on the beach when he was two, but at least at that age he didn't care about other people's comments. As people said before, the society we live in (and any society as a matter of fact) has preconceived ideas of what boys/girls/people in general are supposed to dress like and I'm not going to put ds through that. I experimented it on my own skin when I shaved my head at 20 y/o, but at least I was old enough to understand the repercussions of my own decisions.

To OP, I would let ds wear an adult-sized T-shirt, that should make him happy. My own ds is in the back yard right now wearing one of dh's sleevless Tshirts (no underwear on) and enjoying the evening breeze.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

I personally would have a problem with it. I am one of those people who believe that dresses and pink is for girls.

*looks down at his shirt*

Uh oh...

[earthgirl]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

*looks down at his shirt*

Uh oh...

[denie77]

Absolutely!  Here's my reason, When Adam and Eve discovered they were naked, God made tunics for both of them, God could have made pants but HE didn't, HE made tunics out of animal skins.  Tunics as you know are dresses.  Except for reasons of occupation, the human body was never intended to wear pants.  Pants are not healthy, they are confining and hot and as a result produce a perfect environment for bacteria to thrive.  Man transfers bacteria to his wife who becomes pregnant, the baby is born sickly, what more reasons do we need to understand that pants are not the proper garment for either men or women or boys or girls?  It's a no brainer!  If you want healthy children then become wise men and women and start wearing dresses/tunics.  Air is the best defense against bacteria and dresses and skirts provide the proper protection for men and women and boys and girls.  Forget about what society thinks, society is wrong!  Society is lost!  Get smart and wear dresses and skirts!  Regain your health!

[grumpybear]

If at age 2.5 he asked, I'd let him wear it. I figure, he's too young to notice if other people ridicule him.

If at age 5 he asked, I'd let him wear it. Because I KNOW that when he makes that choice he has given it a lot of thought and is ready for the backlash from other people who may have a different view.

Would I be nervous? Yes. But ultimately, I think giving him the freedom to make his own choices has a greater chance of empowering him rather than diminishing him (from the ridicule he may get from others).

We had a situation several months back when he wore a pink shirt in support of breast cancer awareness. Apparently, a few of his male classmates teased him about it. I learned about this months later as he didn't tell me immediately. I discussed with him fact vs opinion. I told him that while his classmates are welcome to have an opinion (that only girls wear pink), he also has every right to form an opinion that may be the same or may be different. He asked to wear his pink shirt that day.

So yes, if he tells me tomorrow that he wants to wear a skirt, I will gladly take him to the store to pick a skirt out.

[Mittsy]

DS wore dresses and skirts for the vast majority of last summer. He had long hair too. And, he pulls off pastel colors much better than his sister....

[A&A]

A great blog:

www.raisingmyrainbow.com

[kohlby]

Not outside of the house/yard with the exception of dress-up occassions like Halloween until he's old enough to deal with others comments about it.   My youngest will throw a tantrum if someone calls him a girl - so I will not let him wear a dress out of the house - except on Halloween.  He actually hasn't asked to wear a dress out of the house except on Halloween so it was no big deal.  It wasn't about the dress really, it was about the black and pink witch costume.  But he didn't like the hat.  So he was basically a boy in a dress.  He's almost 3.  When being called a girl doesn't lead to a tantrum that I have to deal with, then I'll consider it.  He does get his nails painted, but no one ever mistaked him for a girl based on his nails. 

[fiddlefern]

I sure would!