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Would you let your son wear a dress/skirt? - Page 5

post #81 of 183

kinda

I'd be fine providing dresses jewlery heeled shoes whatever in a dress up setting but no I wouldn't allow it as part of there regular going out clothes.

Deanna
post #82 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by nina_yyc View Post
No, never. I don't have a boy though . But if I did, I wouldn't. I don't let DD go out in inside out, non-matching, or non-season-appropriate clothes either. I think presentation is important and I would like to present my family as typical of our culture's values and norms and appropriately dressed for the occasion. I don't like the idea of other people judging me...
People judge. I know just as many people who are down on conformist clothing as people who are down on weird clothing.

And, fwiw, my dd1 used to go out in totally bizarre outfits - princess dresses with a Tae Kwon Do helmet and boots, with a glove on only one hand, for example. The only visible reactions she ever got were smiles, approving looks and positive comments.
post #83 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
I just found this interesting - these are pretty much exactly the reasons I would have for trying to provide space for my child to dress the way he wants (and to know how to dress to fit in if he needs to do that, as well). That is, if he wants to present himself as a guy in a dress to strangers, I would want him to be able to.

It's interesting!

BTW I work in a fashion-related industry. Irony.
It's also the reason we do the same. DD is allowed to pick out/make her own clothes. She has, from an early age, chose not to conform. Because of that people, especially her peers, seem to know that she doesn't do something just because everyone else is doing it. She has been judged, but she has also learned how to accept that not every likes the way she dresses. She's even been told she needs to be more feminine (her responce has been posts on MDC before... "I'm a girl, how much more feminin can I get?")
post #84 of 183
I'd probably have a discussion very similar to the one we had about nail polish when he was 4.

DS: Will you paint my nails
Me: Sure

The next day when he had daycare in the morning

Me: Do you want me to take the nail polish off.
DS: No
Me: Do you want to wear it to daycare
DS: Yes, I like it
Me: You may get made fun off (brief discussion about why and what types of things people might say)
DS: I like it. I don't want to take it off
Me: Okay. Lets talk about some ways to handle it if someone makes fun of you...........

I'll admit we still paint nails but now it's usually toe nails during the winter when no one will see or we take it off before school. He's six now.

He did say at four that the other boys thought it was cool and it was the girls who made fun of him. While he decided in the future to keep the painted nails private he said that the day wasn't even that bad since he was ready for it had responses ready to possible comments. The other parents of boys admited to me that their boys also liked painting their nails.
post #85 of 183
Ya know... Somewhere along the way someone had to be willing to take the drastic step of letting their young son wear pants instead of something more like this
post #86 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber View Post
I am not going to teach my child that he can't do something because someone might "make fun"of him. If that were the case we would never be able to leave our home! He lives with 3 gay men, so should he not be able to spend time with them because "someone might say somethign MEAN to them?" Or should he not be able to spend time in public with my mom and her wife because, gasp, people might be rude! One of our house mates is black, should ds never be in public with him lest someone say something racist? My other housemate is Latina and often works with immigrants, oh no don't let ds out with her someone might have *something* to say about that!
To me, those senarios you've decribed are important to stand up for and defend when/if other people make fun. To me, boys wearing dresses in public is not AS significant. If my son (who is 4) was adament about wearing a dress in public I would let him but if I could, I would try to redirect to try to protect him from the idiots. Though I'm sure (and hope!) when he is a teenager, he'll be wearing whatever he darn well pleases.
post #87 of 183
I'm not sexist, and I certainly don't believe in discriminating against my own child based on the sexism of others, so yes. His body, he can wear whatever he likes on it.
post #88 of 183
Haven't read the replies, just answering the OP.

In theory, yes.

In practice, I'm not sure. I think it might depend when/ where.

DH wore a kilt in our wedding, he's getting a utilikilt for XMas, so DS will see his dad in his very manly "skirt" and may want one. That is fine.

But if he starts liking his baby sister's very girly skirts and dresses and wants to wear them? I am not sure. I'd probably let him and see what happens. If he wanted to wear it to regular daycare where he's been for 2 years, no problem.... they know him and one would care. But the first day of his new preschool? Maybe not.

This would have everything to do with protecting his feelings and being mocked and nothing to do with his actually wanting to wear the dresses. That's fine with me. It's other people and children being mean and making him feel like he's done something wrong when he hasn't that would be upsetting.
post #89 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
And, fwiw, my dd1 used to go out in totally bizarre outfits - princess dresses with a Tae Kwon Do helmet and boots, with a glove on only one hand, for example. The only visible reactions she ever got were smiles, approving looks and positive comments.
I think people are generally more approving of wacky than just... boy in dress. Wacky sort of makes its own sense. A boy in a dress is just confusing to a lot of people, it seems.
post #90 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
To me, those senarios you've decribed are important to stand up for and defend when/if other people make fun. To me, boys wearing dresses in public is not AS significant. If my son (who is 4) was adament about wearing a dress in public I would let him but if I could, I would try to redirect to try to protect him from the idiots. Though I'm sure (and hope!) when he is a teenager, he'll be wearing whatever he darn well pleases.
Who says standing up for boys wearing dresses isn't as important? Not all of those who are boys physically are actually boys. If we stand up for a boys right to wear a dress in public, we stand up for the right of transgendered boys and men to dress in the way they are comfortable with. Should I not let my children go anywhere with their transgendered honourary "aunt" because someone might make a rude comment about dresses being for girls?
post #91 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Who says standing up for boys wearing dresses isn't as important? Not all of those who are boys physically are actually boys. If we stand up for a boys right to wear a dress in public, we stand up for the right of transgendered boys and men to dress in the way they are comfortable with. Should I not let my children go anywhere with their transgendered honourary "aunt" because someone might make a rude comment about dresses being for girls?
:

especially considering ds has almost more trans folks in his life than non-transfolks

btw i often find myself agreeing you!
post #92 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snuzzmom View Post
I think people are generally more approving of wacky than just... boy in dress. Wacky sort of makes its own sense. A boy in a dress is just confusing to a lot of people, it seems.
How many people even notice? When my son wears a dress, people assume he's a girl unless I say otherwise.

If it's people who know you . . . then they are either in a professional position in which they should absolutely NOT say anything negative (ie: daycare provider, story people at the library, etc) or friends who should understand that you think it's important to let your children's preferences, not gender roles, define them.

ETA: And if someone DOES say something negative, wouldn't it be great for your kids to see you standing up for them and their choices?
post #93 of 183
My answer is Yes! I would let my son wear a dress.

My brother wore dresses in high school.
I looked a lot and dressed a lot like a boy.

We are normal healthy adults.

We got ridiculed, but it only helped to cement our beliefs and make us who we are now.
post #94 of 183
I think the idea of protecting your children through what they wear sometimes to be a very silly idea. I was a child who wanted to express myself through clothing and I was kept to a very short lead. I was only allowed to wear what my parents/grandparents purchased and was forced to heavily conform in part because of the idea "we are judge based on how our children look". As I grew older I was shoved tight into this box and I started to have issues in dealing with people and my self image because of these rules.

In Junior High I started to "sneak" clothing, friends let me borrow things and I would change when I got to school and change back when I left school. These pieces were very skimpy, and it was a form of me still trying to be like the girls around me.

In High School I was able to start buying my own clothing, ONLY with my own money (and what I had was minimal), or I had to wear what was purchased for me (much more money spent on these). One day I realised I did not care what people thought of me, I am not their reflection of me, and I could be better then these expectations. I chose a VERY dramatic first day of school outfit and never looked back. My clothing was often times very covering but was not in the "norm". I never felt better about myself and ironically I tended to notice less judgement from those around me (except my family). I actually did better in school and I think I became a better adult because of this change.

Overall I learned in my life experience, that conforming to conform is not always the healthy route. I mean if it was we would all be jumping on many commonly held parenting ideas around here (highly medicalized births, CIO, blind consumerism etc.). I understand sticking to religious beliefs and modesty beliefs, when it comes to covering the body, but I would say in that case then men and women should be in dresses or robes as they are by far the best way to truly be modest for men and women. Pants are not modest for men or women.

After a lot of rambling, yes I will let my soon to be here son wear clothing that might be percieved as fem. if he asks. He will have kilts early on since in our group it is very exceptable for men to wear them so we think nothing of boys or girls wearing them. I also deal with renactment groups were people still dress boys in the dresses shown above. I would put my son in one if they just weren't so hot!! I just don't see the big deal.

Lastly pink was associated up till the 20th century with boys/men because of the connection to the blood of Christ. Blue was associated with girl's because of the association to Mary. I think that idea of protecting boys brought the change, but find it very interesting there was just a dramatic shift.
post #95 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Who says standing up for boys wearing dresses isn't as important? Not all of those who are boys physically are actually boys. If we stand up for a boys right to wear a dress in public, we stand up for the right of transgendered boys and men to dress in the way they are comfortable with.
Hmm, hadn't thought of that.

I guess my thoughts are that its totally ok for a boy to wear a dress and I support it BUT I find it hard if it has to be my little guy to be the leader and to be taking the "hits" so to speak. I want him to stand up for what he believes in but I also want to protect him from EVERYTHING. Not possible I know, but it breaks my heart when some one is mean to him. *sigh*
post #96 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post
But, personally, I simply don't agree that there is "gender-appropriate" clothing. I know some people do, but I don't. What about having a penis would make a skirt inappropriate? It might still be cool and comfortable for a boy to wear. Nothing about havin a vagina makes pants inappropriate for girls. Girls and boys are much physically similar than they are different, so I think it is quite reasonable that some boys would prefer skirts as more comfortable, just as some girls do--and just as some girls find pants more comfortable.
the penis and skirt things reminds me of halloween party I went to in college. A guy came dressed up as a girl in a dress. At one point outside I heard someone in the bushes, who comes out but this guy. He remarks, man this skirt makes it so much easier to pee in the bushes.

There was a little boy in dd1's preschool class who always put on the big fancy dress in the costumes. No one thought anything of it just like no one said anything to the little girl in the class who wore the fireman coat all the time. There might be something on the dress that attracts their attention whether shiny, sleek on them, comfort whatever but they usually leave it behind as they grow. HTH!
post #97 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
Hmm, hadn't thought of that.

I guess my thoughts are that its totally ok for a boy to wear a dress and I support it BUT I find it hard if it has to be my little guy to be the leader and to be taking the "hits" so to speak. I want him to stand up for what he believes in but I also want to protect him from EVERYTHING. Not possible I know, but it breaks my heart when some one is mean to him. *sigh*
Any parent wants to protect their child from everything bad. Dh and I have reached the desicion that the best way to do that is to teach our children how to handle the critisism.
post #98 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Any parent wants to protect their child from everything bad. Dh and I have reached the desicion that the best way to do that is to teach our children how to handle the critisism.
I tend to feel the same way. DS1 is more comfortable with himself than almost anybody else I know. Some of that is his inborn personality - he's been resilient and very confident from the day he arrived. But, some of it, imo, is that he had practice dealing with pressure on little things. In his case, it was his hair. He used to get teased a lot for having long hair, and did want to cut it at one point. I was fine with that, but wanted him to think about it and decide if that was what he really wanted...and he did that, and he came back and told me it was his hair, and he liked it that way, and he didn't care if the other kids did or not. He was 6.
post #99 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Any parent wants to protect their child from everything bad. Dh and I have reached the desicion that the best way to do that is to teach our children how to handle the critisism.
Yes, indeed.
We've had to do this all the way anyway. One of our kids with severe special needs has a lot of equipment, o2 in her nose and o2-tank in her backpack (tiny) or wheelchair, g-tube hooked up to a feeding pump and bag of food in her little backpack, farrell bag on it etc. And you know, she's running around sometimes. People stare. People comment.
You have to deal with it.
Our little boy in a dress would just not be noticed beside her.
post #100 of 183
I might have my history wrong but I remember hearing something about women not being allowed to wear pants?
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