Funny/jaw-dropping comments about homebirth (etc.) - Page 7

[Pirogi]

Originally Posted by minkajane

I work in a maternity store the other day and I had a woman in my store literally shudder when I mentioned that I'll be birthing at home in future and say that she could never do it because of all the bodily fluids everywhere. I laughed and told her that the midwives would clean it up, that Chux pads and stuff were used and that it's not like she'd be on her knees right after giving birth, cleaning up blood. She just kept covering her face and shaking her head and being really jittery and repeating "Oh, no no no, I don't do fluids, I just don't, ugh!" Either she didn't believe me, was convinced that blood and fluids would be all over the place in a homebirth, or was a complete germophobe. If only she knew how dirty the hospital is!

I think this woman's reaction hits at the core of the issue for many in our society. People just aren't comfortable with bodily processes and functions. And especially not when there are *whisper* vaginas involved!

Here is mine: my MIL weasled it out of my DH that we were having a homebirth. She gave birth in Russia without any meds but in a room with lots of other birthing mothers. Their babies were taken away and stored somewhere, returning to them only for feedings occassionally throughout the day, and she talks of this time with the other newly postpartum mothers as if it were a super fun slumber party. Anyway, she told my DH (instead of me, because I avoid talking to her whenever possible), "Well, don't blame me if something happens to the baby!" Um, yeah, actually I think it would be your fault! Along with Hurricane Katrina, the Black Death, the Holocaust, and the tragedies at Darfur.

This woman just makes me

[smeep]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

I am just picturing an OB in the delivery room with a megaphone:

"Okay, baby, this is the doctor! I demand you move toward the lights!"

Whatever?

must. not. pee. pants.

And the kicker is I bet there's a doctor out there somewhere wondering why he can't do just that.

[tygrss]

I was in the OR yesterday and one of the other docs and I were talking. He asked me about my family and when I told him that my sister is planning to study midwivery after nursing school he says "Ooooh. I don't like midwives."
Me: Really? Why is that?
Him: I just think that babies should be born in the hospital because I've seen too many babies gorked out from midwives."
Me: Babies can be born "gorked out" at the hospital. Besides, midwives practice in hospitals, birth centers and homes. There is no evidence saying that it's unsafe for a low-risk woman to give birth out of the hospital. In fact, studies show otherwise.
Him: I guess that that's true. But, if you're low risk you don't need any help anyhow.
Me:Exactly.
Him: Long pause.........................Well, would YOU have a midwife?
Me: I had my son at a freestanding birth center with midwives.
Him:
Me:
Him: Oh my God! Did you stay there for a day or two?
Me: I stayed for three hours, then went home, had a hamburger and took a nap.
Him:

We continued the conversation and I proceeded to educate him about the education of CNM, CPMs, etc. I didn't even get around to telling him about my planned home birth! LOL!

[Veronika01]

Originally Posted by tygrss

I was in the OR yesterday and one of the other docs and I were talking. He asked me about my family and when I told him that my sister is planning to study midwivery after nursing school he says "Ooooh. I don't like midwives."
Me: Really? Why is that?
Him: I just think that babies should be born in the hospital because I've seen too many babies gorked out from midwives."
Me: Babies can be born "gorked out" at the hospital. Besides, midwives practice in hospitals, birth centers and homes. There is no evidence saying that it's unsafe for a low-risk woman to give birth out of the hospital. In fact, studies show otherwise.
Him: I guess that that's true. But, if you're low risk you don't need any help anyhow.
Me:Exactly.
Him: Long pause.........................Well, would YOU have a midwife?
Me: I had my son at a freestanding birth center with midwives.
Him:
Me:
Him: Oh my God! Did you stay there for a day or two?
Me: I stayed for three hours, then went home, had a hamburger and took a nap.
Him:

We continued the conversation and I proceeded to educate him about the education of CNM, CPMs, etc. I didn't even get around to telling him about my planned home birth! LOL!

That is HILARIOUS!!

[Youngfrankenstein]

She shoots, she scores!!! Good for you!:

It's still funny to me that "miswife" is a scary word for people.

[crabbyowl]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

I am just picturing an OB in the delivery room with a megaphone:

"Okay, baby, this is the doctor! I demand you move toward the lights!"

Whatever?

Midwives in the Middle Ages actually did this when a baby didn't want to come out. I remember reading somewhere that they'd yell between the woman's legs, "Child, Christ calls you forth into the light!" At least it's Christ doing the demanding here, though, and not the doctor, however much s/he might think him- or herself on par with Christ!

[Juvysen]

Originally Posted by crabbyowl

Midwives in the Middle Ages actually did this when a baby didn't want to come out. I remember reading somewhere that they'd yell between the woman's legs, "Child, Christ calls you forth into the light!" At least it's Christ doing the demanding here, though, and not the doctor, however much s/he might think him- or herself on par with Christ!

huh. Did it work?

[laohaire]

My doctor friend goes to Africa every year (various countries). She witnessed a birth in Mali, and noted they would instruct the baby "get down, baby! get jiggy, baby!" (down, because the mother was squatting).

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by laohaire

My doctor friend goes to Africa every year (various countries). She witnessed a birth in Mali, and noted they would instruct the baby "get down, baby! get jiggy, baby!" (down, because the mother was squatting).

Well, telling the baby to come down... haven't lots of Mamas here on MDC advocated talking to your baby & asking him to turn if he is breech? So isn't that the same thing?

[Evergreen]

I think I remember begging my midwife to command the baby out when I was having Ava. I also asked for a CSection- at the neck, though.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

Well, telling the baby to come down... haven't lots of Mamas here on MDC advocated talking to your baby & asking him to turn if he is breech? So isn't that the same thing?

Yeah, probably. I was just chiming in to the other stories about coaxing/ordering babies out, "come into the light" etc. It just seemed relevant to me, wasn't trying to take any special position on it.

[gratefulmama]

I avoided telling my family I was planning HB until my mom came out to stay at 37 weeks till I had the baby. We were driving by the hospital where I had my first, and she asked if I was having the next baby there too. I then told her I planned HB and she shook her head and looked out the window.
Later that evening at dinner, she asked dh "Did she tell you she was having the baby at home???!!!!"
Dh and I still laugh about that to this day.

[happybunny]

We just had a family dinner and our planned home birth came up. In general DH's parents are pretty supportive and my SIL and BIL haven't said anything negative about our plans. I just had to work hard to keep a straight face when my FIL asked me about how this whole waterbirth thing works out.

FIL: So, what do you do? I mean, do you hang your legs over the edge of the tub/pool and push?
ME: No, I sit, or squat, or kneel, push out the baby and pull it up.
FIL: But how does the midwife get in there? Don't you have to be on your back?
ME: I do whatever feels the most comfortable. Being on your back really isn't the best way to have a baby.

I just pictured myself on my back, with my feet hanging over the edge, trying to squeeze out a baby. Highly unlikely, I would say.

[brightonwoman]

When I was pregnant the first time I was planning a homebirth. This came up in a conversation at a family gathering and my MIL said "well since you've never done it before you should really go to the hospital for the first time so that you'll know what it's like, and then you could make a more informed decision for subsequent births."

We actually ended up switching providers mid-pregnancy and doing a natural birth in a hospital with that pregnancy (long list of reasons, and MIL was not one of them ) but I happened to mention to SIL that we were planning for DH to catch the baby. She gave me a weird look and I said that I knew several women who had caught their own babies, but I really wanted DH to have that integral role at the birth, and she just about fell over and said she couldn't imagine the stress of trying to catch your own baby when you're "in all that pain at the end" (ftr, she had 2 inductions turned c/s, then a VBA2C although it was an overdue/semi-induced/augmented labor so I don't know that it can fairly be compared to a non-induced labor).

[elisheva]

Originally Posted by brightonwoman

she just about fell over and said she couldn't imagine the stress of trying to catch your own baby when you're "in all that pain at the end" (ftr, she had 2 inductions turned c/s, then a VBA2C although it was an overdue/semi-induced/augmented labor so I don't know that it can fairly be compared to a non-induced labor).

Wow - she had a VBA2C and was still thinking this way??? I didn't think anyone had a VBAmC without really informing themselves!!!!! I guess I'm equating education with a certain crunchiness and this is probably a logic flaw on my part...

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by happybunny

I just pictured myself on my back, with my feet hanging over the edge, trying to squeeze out a baby. Highly unlikely, I would say.

I am picturing you laying on your back with your head under the water...

[brightonwoman]

Originally Posted by elisheva

Wow - she had a VBA2C and was still thinking this way??? I didn't think anyone had a VBAmC without really informing themselves!!!!! I guess I'm equating education with a certain crunchiness and this is probably a logic flaw on my part...

Ah no, nothing crunchy about SIL at all. I don't think her desire for a VBAC had so much to do with the desire for a natural birth or even a vaginal birth per se, but more with the desire to avoid a c/s. She had pitocin to some degree for every kid (always 'necessary' induction/augmentation) but she went without the epidural because she believed it was healthier for the baby. I have to give her credit for that at least. She has no hesitation to drug them up with other things though so I don't know why she cared so much about avoiding the epidural. Her 1st, 2nd, and 4th kids were c/s (all 'emergency' for different reasons, imo at least 2 of them were avoidable...but of course her dr said they had to do it and who is she to question an almighty OB...) Anyway, yeah, she got the one VBAC, and her comment after the fact was that vaginal delivery was "every bit as horrible" as having a c/s, but that at least the recovery was easier.

[Harmony96]

Originally Posted by minkajane

that it's not like she'd be on her knees right after giving birth, cleaning up blood.

I had to comment on this phrase real quick w/ a funny story about DD's birth. She was a hospital baby, and for the first several postpartum trips to the bathroom, they want a nurse to be with you in case you fall down on the way or whatever. Well, after I went, I noticed that there was a little bit of fresh blood on the floor, so I got a piece of TP and bent over and wiped it up. The nurse told me that I didn't have to do that.

[Harmony96]

And then I have one to add from this pregnancy. I had been hiding our homebirth plans from my family b/c of some drama surrounding DD's birth plans, but it came out to my mom on Wednesday. I think she was in shock and not thinking clearly. The conversation went better than I expected it to, and I was explaining why we chose a homebirth and that we're not being irresponsible and would go to the hospital if it were necessary but the MWs have a bunch of stuff to handle situations at home, etc.

She interrupted me at one point and asked me if I was OK with this.

???

I had to have her repeat the question, and she said the same thing. I mean, all the while I was telling her why we CHOSE this, and she asked that question like it wasn't my decision and someone is holding me at gunpoint and forcing me to have a homebirth or something, lol.

[Fujiko]

The only thing my mom (a registered nurse) said was, "When your brother was born, the cord was wrapped around his neck. If the doctor wasn't there he could have DIED. What if the cord is wrapped around the neck?!"

Me: Uh, the midwife unwraps it like a doctor would...What exactly do you think the midwife does, mom?



ETA: I have a family reunion next month (the first since before I was pregnant with #1) so we'll see if we have some doozies then.