I Can Not Forgive my self for letting my son to be Circumcized...I Can Not Get Over It

[Ms T]

Hello,
First of all sorry for my English mistakes as English is my second language.
I would like to tell the parents eho are expecting baby boys Not To Let to Circumcize them.
I am mother of a 6 month old baby boy.
When he was born i didn;t let him to be circumcized ,i thought it would be really harsh on him and its an unnecessary procedure.
Though later on an pediatric office the doctor basically convinced me that my son should be circumcized mhe kept tellling me how my son will benefit fro the procedure and he promised that my son won't feel any pain at all because he is going to inject anastesia and his pensi is going to look very beautiful after the circumcizion will heal.
I felt really shaky about allowing to perform the procedure on ym son,but somehow i;ve allowed it to happen,i truly though at that moment that i was making a right decision and that would be in my son's best interest to becoem circumicized. I wasn;t very well educated about the procedure and circumcizion itself. I didnt watch enough videos either.
My son turned 3 weeks old then,
The doctor allowed me to be there with my son while the procedure was taking place.
He strapped his legs and injected anastesia i was facing towards my son;s face and holdign his hand and looking at his face.I thought i would support him emotionally.
The doctor promised that my son is not goign to feel any pain.I was very confident and trustful to that doctor as he said my son is nto goign to feel any pain at all .
I've got frastruated because he started the procedure right afgter he injected the anastesia in my son.My son started histerically screamign right there fromt he huge pain ,i 've fallen into deep shoke ans started crying asking the docvtor why my son is crying as he was promised that he wasnt goign to feel any pain. Doctor said that my son is fine and he was cryign becaus ehis legs were strapped. Bulllshit! His legs were strapped wau before the procedure and he wasnt crying.
My son and i were cryign togehter i was afraidn to continuoe talking to the doctor further because i though if i will destract him with my emotion ahe might screw spoemthing up on my son's penis.
I ams orry but this procedure was shocking i didnt see how he sut it i was looking at my sons face and his tears of huge pain and shoke were coming out i will never forget that moment.Right after that rpocedure my sons lookes in my eyes and his eyes weere full of tears looked like he was tryign to say says "Mom Why did you hurt me?" I;ve started crying ,hugging my son we were both crying.
At that moment i felt raped emotionally and my i felt for my son that he was raped physically and emtioanally .I ve immideatley started regreting that i allowed that docotr to circumcize my son. I was also mad that the doctor was lying to me about that my son wasnt goignt o feel any pain at all.
He didnt even wait a at least a minute to anastesia start working.
The doctor never gave me to read the circumcizion concent form which i founf out about later from my firends who told me that the docotr must off give the form to sign. I have never been given anyhting to be signed,
After that circumicizion looks like my son has no penis anymore.
The foreskin has been cut off to the bottom and the penis is hiding,nothign hangs or sticks out ,it looks rediculous. I am afraid my son is goign to develpp mental problems in the future regsrdign his penis look.
Does anyone has the same problem with baby boys?
I cannont forgice myslef to let my son to be circumiczed.
This is the biggest mistake ive done,i hate myself for letting my son to go thtough this .

[trus]

I understand what you are feeling very well. However, if you let yourself dwelve on those negative emotions, you will start losing control of what is going on around you and have a chance of making wrong desicions again. Yes, people make wrong choices, but it's better to analyze, learn, and move forward. In your thoughts you may talk to your son and explain him everything, then ask for forgiveness.

[nini02]

I am so sorry for what you and your son went through I really can't stand the pressure that doctors put on parents over their decisions, it's terrible. Please try to forgive yourself.

It sounds like your son has a buried penis, which will hopefully correct itself as he gets older and the fat pad on his abdomen slims down. Just don't let them tell you that he needs another surgery to correct that!

[Quirky]

I am so sorry, mama. You were bullied and coerced by an unethical doctor.

Many mamas have found some healing for their emotional pain by educating other parents, and by pursuing legal action against the doctors. You might want to talk to an attorney. Are you in the US? There's a great attorney who posts here who specializes in circumcision lawsuits. Even if you decide not to pursue a lawsuit yourself, you can get your son's records and information and get it together so he can make the decision whether or not to sue when he's of legal age.

[tennisdude23]

Improper and misleading information combined with a lack of proper documentation (consent, etc) would be ample grounds for a lawsuit, in the U.S. at least. If the circumcision was botched, then that makes your case even stronger. I would consult with an attorney and a doctor to determine your legal options and whether there were surgical mistakes performed during your son's circumcision.

[Crunchy Frog]

I really, really hope that you will sue that doctor. He solicited unneccesary surgery which you were not otherwise inclined to do, he out and out lied to you about anesthesia and pain, and he apparently did not even obtain proper consent from you. On top of that, he apparently botched the operation.

Please don't hate yourself. You and your son have been violated, and it's not your fault. I hope you will try to stop this from happening to anyone else. It's really very very important that you hold this man accountable.

Another thought that I had is that you might go to this site. http://www.ratemds.com/social/ and others like it, and describe what happened so other potential patients can be alerted.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

for both you and your ds

My heart breaks reading your story. I hope that you are not still using this Dr. as obviously nothing he says can be trusted.

[SaraMum]

((Hugs)) for you and your son, terrible that there are so many doctors out there like that still

[ursaminor]

I think you should consider a lawsuit. You were lied to. I personal messaged you some contact info of attorneys that could help.

[Fyrestorm]

Be sure that your son knows of your regret. It might not have stopped with him...but it can stop with his children. You have the opportunity to help the next generation.

[BlessedMommy2006]

I am so, so sorry that you were taken advantage of and solicited for unnecessary surgery by this unethical doctor.

Please consider filing a lawsuit against him and telling your story to help other parents avoid being taken advantage of in the same way.

Hugs for your and your DS.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by Crunchy Frog

I really, really hope that you will sue that doctor. He solicited unneccesary surgery which you were not otherwise inclined to do, he out and out lied to you about anesthesia and pain, and he apparently did not even obtain proper consent from you. On top of that, he apparently botched the operation.

Please don't hate yourself. You and your son have been violated, and it's not your fault. I hope you will try to stop this from happening to anyone else. It's really very very important that you hold this man accountable.

: Please do take legal actions against this doctor, this way you will protect many babies from this horrible violation (when being sued the doctor will think twice next time).

to you, mama. Please forgive yourself, every single parent in this big wide world makes mistakes.

[blackapple]

I am so sorry. Please don't beat yourself up, you are in a very common place as so many other unfortunate mothers. It's easy to feel like your fears are unfounded when you have a doctor, someone supposedly thinking of your best interest, urging you to have a procedure done and to agree against your gut. Either way, you wanted what was best for your son and you can't help that someone pressured you into doing it. Try to move on and learn from it and help everyone advocate for change. I never knew anyone intact til my son and since then, now when I meet other moms with boys, none of them are intact and when I see them change their son, I instantly notice the things that were done wrong, but they take it for granted, since that is all the know as well. So give your son a voice, your voice, and speak out against it, it's the only way we will make true change. All my discussions over it are always ended with "Well, my husband had it done and he's fine, it's not a big deal." What they don't know is all their husband lost.

As to your son's penis, it sounds like buried penis. As he ages, it should improve, but it may not. I think there are some things that may be able to be done about it when he is older. My husband has it as well, b/c they did an overaggressive gomco clamp circ on him. His was done til about the bottom quarter of his penis, and even his scrotum goes up the length. The also completely cut away the middle of his raphe, which is a line that goes up all penises. It healed into a very tight scar and it makes his erections painful and adds to the drawn-in appearance. My husband's circ is one of the reasons he was so adamant we not circ our son. He had no idea what was wrong, couldn't bear to do the research, but he knew in his gut that it was messed up somehow.

(((hugs))) Please try to move past your guilt. As moms, we always have something we feel guilt over, it's part of the job I think.