8 years old

[mom_to_my_rugrats]

Good afternoon everyone, I am very curious to know how to cope or deal with my 8 year old daughter wanting to nurse recently. I still nurse my 4 year old 1-3 times a day, mainly in the morning and at bedtime but does want it sometimes during the daytime hours. I dont know if its jealousy or what but as soon as I am finished nursing him she will non-chalantly get on my lap and tell me its her turn and be totally serious about it. What I mean is there were many times before where she would say it but laugh afterwards. Now she really wants to. She weaned herself at about 4 with no problem, she just stopped asking. Its not that I dont feel uncomfortable giving in but, she is 8 now and not 4 you know? I would like to know if its normal for an older child to express the need to nurse again after this long. My other question I guess would be....do I allow it? I just have mixed emotions and I dont really know if its morally "ok" to let her at her age. I would LOVE to know that I am not alone here. I am looking forward to hearing back from some of you soon. Have a wonderful day!

[mother_sunshine]

If she's asking then it must be normal for her, right? I can't fathom the thought of nursing a child at whatever age as "morally wrong" .....breastfeeding is breastfeeding.

Regardless, you have to do what feels right to you. If it feels wrong to you, she'll pick up on your vibe. But if you see it for what it is (an innocent child asking for the comfort and nurturing of breastfeeding from her mother), and let go of the weird stigma society can put on it, then let her be normal.

[Ruthla]

That would be beyond my own comfort level. It's one thing if the child continued to nurse until age 8, but after being weaned for several years I wouldn't allow it again.

I would offer the child lots of snuggle time, and maybe express a little bit for the older child to taste.

[4evermom]

My mom always said that her weaned kids forgot the mechanics of breastfeeding so if they asked to nurse because a younger one was they weren't even able to get their tongues to do the right thing.

Maybe now that your younger dd is 4, your older dd feels she is more of a peer rather than a baby so being fair makes sense.

Whatever you do is fine, imo. Chances are she's just curious and won't really nurse more than an attempt or two if you let her. Or maybe if you explained you nursed her when she was her sister's age and you won't nurse younger dd when she is 8 either, she will feel things are equal. It just depends on what's motivating her to ask. Maybe she just wants a taste and a few drops in a cup will do it. You could just ask her why she wants to nurse after so many years of not wanting to and see what she says.

[chaoticzenmom]

My 3yo weaned and for some reason, about 4 mo later, he wanted breastmilk again. It was awkward. He tried, looked up at me like I was crazy and that was that. It just wasn't there anymore.

I would not feel comfortable in your situation. Also, it would be something that "normal or not" CPS might run with if they found out.

Maybe she's just needing some special time for her. Can you take her somewhere alone and hang out...or color with her...or braid her hair...anything to get some special time with you alone.

[momasana]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Maybe she's just needing some special time for her. Can you take her somewhere alone and hang out...or color with her...or braid her hair...anything to get some special time with you alone.

That is what I was thinking, maybe she is just searching for one-on-one closeness.

Have you asked her why she is interested in nursing again? Maybe she will be able to tell you what it is she is looking for.

[meemee]

i remember my bro at age 8 wanting to nurse. he had stopped nursing at 4 or 5. he was curious.

he nursed for 10 secs and that was it. i was 10. i remember that incident crystal clear. what struck me was my mom's nonchalant attitude. like no big deal. i was 10 and i was shocked at my bro's request. that incident had a huge impact on my bfeeding attitude.

[pixiepunk]

it sounds to me like what she's wanting is closeness. i would probably say something like "OK, let's pretend you're my baby and you can pretend to nurse" and hold her in my arms like a baby and let her snuggle up to me and pretend. both my older kiddos (4 and 6) occasionally ask to 'pretend nurse' - it's a fairly common thing here, and it's just a desire to be close and be babied for a minute or two. i will usually stroke their hair and say something like "what a sweet little baby, i love you so much." they also sometimes ask to be worn or to sleep in bed with us, i see it all as different was of expressing the need to be babied, and i try to always accomodate those needs.

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

My 9yo just recently said...that's not fair he gets to nurse....speaking of my 4y/o.....i asked her if she wanted to nurse and she said no! We did decide to taste the breastmilk on a spoon....she didnt like it...so maybe offering her her some on a spoon...hand expressed...and see what she says about that....my dd also asked to sleep with us....so dad made a bed on the floor and slept with ds4y/o and me and dd and ds 10mo slept in the big bed....i think they need that baby attention sometimes.

[fyrebloom]

Sounds like a bit of jealousy/ regression to me. I think she probably wants a really good snuggle maybe a taste and will likely get over the nursing part quickly. Speaking from experience, having unweaned a child after 18 months of not nursing they don't necessarily lose the ability to nurse but I would think that after 4 years she's probably forgotten how and is requesting nursing as a way to fulfill the actual need for closeness/attention/whatever. With that said If I were in your shoes I would let her have a suck (unless it is painful due to latch) and let her have some snuggle time with or without breast so she can feel babied too. Whatever you feel comfortable doing.

[sweetpeppers]

I don't think it's weird. I think it's just curiousity, etc, like other people said. The kids I babysit for have asked me (even a ten year old). Obviously I said no (and I doubt they would have anyway), but for them it was a total novelty. Six and eight year old girls would wish that they could suck on their mom's boobies (their words not mine). I think they sensed that it was about closeness, and that closeness was lacking in their life. About your daughter, she probably just remembering what it was like or wants to remember what it was like, since she was older when she weaned.

[*Erin*]

when ds was first born my 6 yr was very curious about the taste of my milk. she weaned at 4.5. it didnt even occur to me to let her nurse. that's way past my comfort level. i expressed some into a spoon for her to taste-she smiled and said it tasted like herbal tea that was that.
i did wonder if maybe she wanted in on some of the physical closeness ds was getting thru babywearing and nursing, so i made (make) a conscience effort to give her lots of hugs, and offer my lap, or an arm around her shoulders often.

[sbrinton]

I think I read an article (maybe in mothering?) about a mother and daughter who started a weekly tradition of taking a bath, doing their nails or hair, giving back or foot rubs together. I wonder if starting something new like this might satisfy your daughter's need to feel close to you in a way that could hopefully continue as she gets older?

[Leta]

DD weaned two weeks after her second birthday. Her little brother was born in June, when she was 3 years, 3 months. She asked to nurse, I let her, and it was terrible- she wasn't getting anything and it felt really annoying because she'd lost her ability to latch.

She never asked again, but she did ask for some pumped breast milk, which she enjoyed a great deal. Now I have to hide the stuff I pump for the baby, , but I still let her drink it. And she cuddles with me when I nurse the baby.

I might try the bm-in-a-cup for your older child, and the snuggling. I think I would also be uncomfortable with an 8 year old nursing, but I might just let her try because chances are she doesn't remember how, and that would be the end of it.

[ma2tng]

I was always surprised how quickly my nurslings, forgot how to nurse even though they nursed until they were 4. Seemed like a couple of weeks and they forgot how to latch. I never had a hard time convincing them after they weaned on their own at 4 that big boys do not know how to nurse only babies.
My guess is that your 8 year old will not have a clue how to get milk out (as long as you do not have a newborn and are gushing all the time). When this issue came up from time to time with my boys I let them quickly find out they could not do it and they seemed satisfied with that.
Smiles,
Inge

[Beppie]

The things that come to my mind are what others have already said. It sounds like she needs some one-on-one attention from you. Is there some neat activity you and she can start to do together, without the 4-year-old involved?

I think that I would personally feel uncomfortable letting an 8-year-old nurse, but I don't necessarily think that I should feel that way. It's just my personal feeling, that's all.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

I would not personally be comfy with that, but my breasts are VERY sexual to me. Without stimulation to them, I cannot most times achieve orgasm. It's my own hang up. I would do it if you feel ok about it, but if you are uncomfortable, suggest something else. I like the nail idea or the massage idea. 8 year olds are still VERY young and ver much need their moms and closeness.

My 2 year old has not yet asked to nurse since I have given birth three weeks ago and if she did I would most likely not let her. She never really nursed and honestly, I am so touched out. I would let her have some mama milk in her sippy and hold her while she drank it though.

SHe is more interested in nursing HER babies though, LOL. I think it is really about personal comfort.

[mom_to_my_rugrats]

Hi thank you very much everyone. I have put some in a cup for her thinking she wouldnt like it and she said it tastes sweet mom, I like still like it!! Until I make a decision, I let my daughter sit next to me or half on my lap while her brother nurses. I have to tell her to keep her hands to herself because she will try to move closer and closer and try to move my shirt out of the way. I have to keep scooting her back everytime.

I do have special time with her. We have a mommy/daughter day at least once a week depending on her behavior that particular day. If I did allow her to, I think I will have to limit it to only a minute or something. I feel it wont last long at all (I hope) and she will get tired of it. I know ALOT of it is jealousy because of her brother. I have even found her brothers bottles hidden in her room (I think I have found a bottle in her room about 5 times in about 3 months, so its not like she does it all the time). When I ask her about it, of course she denies how it got there and tries to change the subject. I am going to have to put alot of thought into weather or not I will let her nurse her or not. I have no problem letting her try it but I dont want her asking for it every night. Looking forward to hearing back soon. Have a wonderful day!

Patti

[mom_to_my_rugrats]

On a side note/question....I am hearing alot of controversy about the breastfeeding doll for kids. I asked my daughter if she wanted one and she said she doesnt like dolls. She never has. For as long as I can remember, she has been a tomboy and always running and climbing everywhere. I just thought I would ask everyone what their thoughts were about the doll for kids.

Patti

[tankgirl73]

FWIW, when DD was born, DS was 8.5yo. I'd weaned him at 2.5yo. He did start asking about nursing. 8 years old is old enough to talk about it. So we talked about why it's a bit 'weird' (for lack of a better word) for a kid his age to nurse, that there's really nothing 'wrong' with it in most ways but it could be weird. And we talked about why he wanted to. Really, he was just curious. He couldn't remember it, and he wanted to experience it.

So, after awhile, I told him that if he really wanted to, he could try it. I don't know what I was expecting... He got all sheepish and embarassed. He managed to cup his mouth over my boob, stopped, and came back up. That was that! He was curious, but his sense of "this isn't quite right" was stronger. He couldn't do it. I don't know if it was more of a physical doesn't-remember-the-mechanics thing, or that it was just too awkward. But he was satisfied heh.

I think the problem with having them trying it in a cup is -- like you found out -- that they might like it! Remember a lot of husbands like it too... heh...

Anyway, if you're not willing/comfortable to let her actually try it, I honestly think that 8 years old is old enough to understand why not. Maybe not get into the sexual aspect of it, but just that nursing is something for babies and young children, not older kids. She doesn't wear a diaper or get carried in a sling or need a special car seat or sit in a high chair -- or nurse. But she CAN ride a bike, write a story, get herself a sandwich, count to 1000, go to dance class, or whatever other 100s of things are special to her, all of which babies/young kids CAN'T do.

So, turn it around, that it's not just a "too old, too bad" thing, but focus on all the positive things about being "too old" for nursing.