No Divorce - Religious Support Thread - All Welcome

[springmama]

I thought that it might be helpful for those of in rocky marriages to have a place for religious support in working through the problems and finding ways to rely on our faith to pull us through the things that we must accept in our marriages. I would like this to be a support only thread for those of us in which divorce is not an option. I see many family members and friends who are choosing to divorce and in our society I don't see much support for staying together and making it work.

The kids are getting in to mischief so I better go see what they are up to. I will post more later when I get a chance.

[cappuccinosmom]

My marriage isn't currently rocky, but I've btdt, and we don't believe in divorce. So I'll pop in to lend support. :

[genifer]

subbing. Like cappaccinosmom, ive btdt too. So I love to encourage others who are like minded.

[springmama]

Really want to post but dh just came home and I'm sure he'd freak if he saw this.

[genifer]

Springmama, I cant remember if Ive seen you on any of the same threads I posted on but I wanted to ask what faith you are coming from? Im a christian.

[springmama]

I am a Christian, exploring the Episcopal and Catholic faiths.

My dh is a great dad and husband. But even so things are rocky between us. I know that he is dealing with a lot of stress from work and finances, and so the pressures of being a very involved dad/husband mount on top of that. He has been a bit grumpy with me and the kids as of late and then when a big thing like me going back to church or wanting to have another baby come up he just doesn't deal well with it. I need to give him more time to let things sink in for him so he can get used to it before we try to really talk about things.

But I am being selfish too - I need to give more to him, accept and love him for who he is (cause he's not a bad person in any way) and really grasp how much he is doing for us as a family each day. As people we are growing and changing and our views on things are differing and I've been letting those differences get in the way of our bond to each other. I know that I hold the power of setting the mood each day for us. He NEVER wakes up or comes home angry with me - even if we have an argument, 5 minutes later he is fine. He refuses to harbor resentment, he has truly accepted me for all of my faults and loves me unconditionally. But me on the other hand will give him the cold shoulder because I hold inside unjust resentment against him. He can come up to me and rub my neck and whisper in my ear that it feels so good to touch me and I will just stand there doing the dishes holding on to my hurt feelings that he had strong reasons for not wanting to do xyz the way I do or that he made a mess that I had to clean up. I'm throwing away the intimacy that he is offering me - the same intimacy that I miss so much in our marriage.

What ways can I use my faith to heal this? After writing this I see how I am making things so rocky. I'm the problem. I pray that God will allow me to see my dh through His eyes and fill my heart with love. I'd appreciate any advice on this. I know that using my faith to deal with issues with my family has worked so much better than all the therapy that I have tired over the years so I know that God can help me with this too. Thanks!

BTW: My dh does not share my faith so that can make things dicey sometimes - he is an agnostic and it is something that I work very hard to respect because I know how it feels to feel condemned for not being Christian. My sis used to do it to me all the time when I was not Christian for a time in my life.

[true2Him]

I actually went through divorce and remarried my husband. I contested it throughout the process, but I did things that I thought were helpful but God showed me it was counterproductive (primarily because I just had to add "one more thing").

I had to learn what I did to contribute and stopped praying for God to "fix him". I had a tendency to hold on to hurt, also. There were several things I did, but I'll start with suggesting you read about Polly Wigglesworth.

Acts 16:29-31 "29The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" 31They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household."" This is one verse I held onto for dear life.

If you show him God's love as a Christian wife, God will work through you without you needing to beat church over his head. One of the topics I studied was the Holy Spirit. I spent 4 months learning about fire baptism, was baptized and learned how to listen more closely to instructions for my family.

I fasted about 21 days (not all necessarily food) for guidance and prayed for God to cover my husband (I still called him my husband) and place people around him (laborers) to guide him to Jesus and speak God's wisdom to him.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

[hotmamacita]

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