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SO: How did the subject come up with the baby's dad? - Page 2

Poll Results: How did the subject come up with the dad?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 6% (9)
    I told him I didn't want to, and a big argument started.
  • 20% (26)
    I told him I didn't want to, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around.
  • 24% (32)
    I told him I didn't want to, and he agreed.
  • 2% (3)
    I asked him what he thought about it, and a big argument started.
  • 3% (4)
    I asked him what he thought about it, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around.
  • 13% (17)
    I asked him what he thought about it, and he agreed with me.
  • 0% (0)
    It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and a big argument started.
  • 3% (4)
    It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around.
  • 0% (1)
    It came up at a Dr visit/lamaze class/LLL meeting/etc, and he agreed.
  • 0% (1)
    He brought it up, and a big argument started.
  • 0% (0)
    He brought it up, and we disagreed briefly, but he came around.
  • 0% (1)
    He brought it up, and he agreed.
  • 2% (3)
    We never really discussed it, I just decided and saw no reason to talk about it.
  • 10% (14)
    The daddy is an intactivist.
  • 11% (15)
130 Total Votes  
post #21 of 50
I voted other. My DS1, from first marriage, was circ'ed - firstly exDh and I had agreed (had no reasons or references to think otherwise) that we would, and then that first afternoon in the hospital, the dr came by and, after examining him, said that he'd need to be circ'ed since the foreskin would never retract. Again, no knowledge about why not to, since that's what you did with little boys.

Fast forward 14 years. This time around, I was way more in touch with the whole birthing process - and set about convincing DH2 that hospital births weren't necessary, that OBs weren't necessary, that midwives and birthing centers (our compromise - I'd've loved a homebirth) were perfectly acceptable since the female body has been doing this for thousands of years before our medical practice became what it is. We did research (necessary for my DH's brand of crazy LOL) and more research, read Mothering, with me handing him pertinent articles, and he was on board. In the course of all this, the vaccination issue, and the circ issue came up. And with everything we were reading, it was a mutual decision that if this one was a DS (we didn't find out the sex early) there would be no circ. Luckily for us, our Family dr is totally on board with how to handle circ. When he did the first exam, he told us (we already knew, but it was cool) - Don't retract him at all, just let it be, and he'll be fine. : He's also cool with the selective vax track we took. Love this Dr!
post #22 of 50
I told him I didn't want to and he agreed. He was circd at 16 and said he would never put a baby through that pain. (His was voluntary but he now regrets it and is looking into restoring).
post #23 of 50
Ever since I knew they existed at all, I thought foreskins should be left alone and DH was well aware of this before we were even dating at all. We would have conversations about it here and there, and he was always like "My kid's gonna be like me..." but kind of joking... so I thought maybe he was okay leaving them intact, but wasn't 100% sure. I knew for sure my kids would be circed over my dead body, so I wasn't opposed to having children with him per se, but the night before we got married I was mulling everything over and ran to him hysterically bawling and told him that I absolutely would not marry him unless he promised me that our children would be left intact. It was the only thing I could think of that could have been a potential problem for our marriage. He started laughing and said that he knew how important it was to me and that he was just being argumentative in our previous conversations... so when I got pregnant and found out it was a boy, there was no conversation to be had.
post #24 of 50
I brought it up, said something about how painful and awful it must be for babies. He said he didn't remember his, it wasn't a big deal either way to him. I said, but there's no good reason to do it in the first place. He said, hmm, yeah I guess not. End of discussion. I'm pretty sure he still doesn't feel strongly about it either way, but he's totally fine with leaving our future boys intact, and that's good enough for me.
post #25 of 50
I asked him what he thought about it, and he agreed with me.

There's no option for "I left it up to him, presented him with the research (plus he'd already done his own) and he decided to leave our son intact."

There was no "agreeing" with me about it because I didn't have to "convince" him of anything.

We had a brief discussion about the pros and cons of circumcision and he pointed out that most of the pro's were honestly rather silly. But since neither of us had strong feelings either way we decide the default was inaction so no cir.
post #26 of 50
DH was deployed and I didn't want to deal with the wound. Also, I wanted to get breastfeeding off to a good start and all that. At least that's the excuse I gave about why I was delaying. I made appointments to get it done because DH had wanted it done, but always cancelled at the last minute. Then he got "too old".
post #27 of 50
I will vote "other."

When we were pregnant w/ our first in 2002, whom we didn't know until birth that we were having a dd, I did all the researching & decided there'd be no circ'ing. I don't recall Dh saying anything about it one way or another, just kind of nodding & going along w/ what I said.

When we had our 2nd child at home, who ended up being a boy, there was no discussion either.

W/ our third, I've become a raging intactivist after an utterly disappointing exchange w/ his family member who had two boys 1.5 weeks before my 3rd was born. I've sent him a few videos, the ones that describe the function of the foreskin & I think now that he knows what he's missing, he feels a little more strongly about it. Mostly though, I think he won't let himself feel too strongly about it for all the reasons men react the way they do to circ: too painful to think that this was done to him. He has lots of issues w/ his mother & I think this is just another really painful thing for him.

He is a fan of some political guy who apparently is very outspoken when it comes to parents treating their children poorly in public. In the past, dh has said it's none of my business if people circ, to which I say I completely disagree for all the obvious reasons. I asked him what the difference between me trying to speak out for babies & this guy is. He said he wasn't quite sure.

post #28 of 50
I brought it up and said that I didn't want to do it and DH disagreed very briefly. He said, "But isn't it going to look weird?" So, we looked at intact penises together online and then we read some research and information together and he quickly realized how stupid it was to actually do it. I wouldn't consider him an intactivist as he probably wouldn't talk to somebody about it unless they specifically asked him...but he's most definitely against RIC in every situation and sees it as child abuse. He's also considering restoring as he's come to realize a lot of his "problems" down there are a result of his circumcision. I'm not going to complain.
post #29 of 50
Before DH and I were even thinking about children I met a wonderful woman at work who was a total intactivist. I'd never even thought about it before meeting her. I'd never met anyone who hadn't been circ'd. Anyway, after meeting her, I brought it up to DH that her children weren't circ'd and she'd told me that her DH was angry about his being circ'd. DH agreed that no child should be circ'd and expressed that he too wishes he wasn't circ'd (he had complications throughout his childhood from his circ. . .lesions, having to go in lots of times for urinary infections caused by the lesions. . .having to have the lesions removed, being cathed) Now we are both pretty strong about Intactivism
post #30 of 50
Given DH is intact, I said I didn't want to circ and he agreed. No issue there. He gets the heebie jeebies even discussing circing.
post #31 of 50
DH is intact. He did a lot of research and decided that he wanted DS to not be circ'd. I agreed w/him.

Funny, so many father's want to circ the boys so they look like them, DH never even considered that side. He wanted to what was best for DS.
post #32 of 50
DH is happily intact and I grew up with an intactivist mother. So, circ'ing was never even a consideration for us.
post #33 of 50
Originally Posted by lovebug View Post
DH has good friends that are not circ'ed and they wish they were for many reasons...
Just out of curiousity, if they "wish they were", why aren't they? I'm assuming they're adults, so there's nothing stopping them from having their own body parts removed.
post #34 of 50
In our case, I told my ex, and then dh, "if this baby is a boy, we're not circumcising". There was no "I don't want to do it" about it. It would have been done over my dead body.
post #35 of 50
I picked "other". Before I got pregnant, I brought it up, DH said he wanted to circ, I didn't think it was necessary but didn't have a lot of info, and we agreed to talk about it in the future. Now I'm pregnant with our first (sex unknown). I did research and became an intactivist. I brought it up, we had a huuuuuuge argument about it (while taking a walk in the park), and I said if we didn't agree the default was no circ (i.e., "over my dead body"). He was totally against not circing, had some random reasons but didn't exactly know why, and said he'd think/pray about it. Just the other day, he said he'd been doing research, didn't see a reason to circ, but was still processing the whole idea. I left it go at that (I made some major communication mistakes in the previous argument and decided to play it cool). I haven't asked him yet if he's "come around" but it sounds promising. At least for his peace of mind. As far as I'm concerned, whether he's on board or not, we are NOT circumcising a son. For me it's a protection issue. I'm not going to let my son be subjected to involuntary and unnecessary body modification because someone else, even his father, thinks it's a good idea.
post #36 of 50
My brother is intact-as are all the men in my family in that generation (cousins, etc) but my dad and uncles are circed, and my grandpas were intact. So it skipped a generation? DH is circed as is his whole family (I guess-never seen )

Anyway, I didn't think much about it until I started lurking on here months ago. I asked my DH what he thought about circ, he said "I dunno, why wouldn't we?" So, I showed/told him a little about it being unnecessary, painful, etc and he said, "oh, then no way". Now he's researched himself and is PO'd that his foreskin is gone.

When I found out I was preggo, I told my mom and brother first. I asked my mom about why she didn't circ my brother and she was glad we weren't planning on doing it. I had a long, awkward, and funny conversation with my bro about his foreskin and he is very proud he is intact and was thrilled that our baby would be intact if we have a boy.
post #37 of 50
Our closest friends had a son and did not circ. That gave DH and I the opportunity to discuss it. We were both on the same page so there wasn't a whole lot that needed to be said. When we found out our baby was a boy it didn't even come up because we both already knew how we felt about it.

DH and his two brothers are circ'd.
post #38 of 50
I hadn't done any research, it was early in the pregnancy and I asked him if we had a boy what he would want to do. I fully expected him to say circumcise since he is circed. He was adamantly against it, and that's a really rare thing for my DP. I hardly ever see him get worked up about anything, and it took me by surprise. That's how I found MDC in 2003. I was looking for reasons why not to circ. My DP had been clear he didn't want it done, but not why. I printed out the Mothering article titled The Case Against Circumcision and he was so happy to have that to use as back up if anyone gave us a hard time about not circing.

So I'm an "other" DP was the one who planted the seed with me that it was wrong.
post #39 of 50
I sent DH a video of a baby being circ. Dh didn't even have the sound on and he couldn't watch it all and said "ok, you win, I can't do that". It was actually very easy.

Oddly, with my ex husband it was harder. I had to work to convince him we were NOT cutting our oldest son, and my ex is intact. It finally came down to a lamaze class where one of hte other fathers said "not circ. is gross" and that just pissed my ex off. I guess with my ex it was all about pissing him off to get him to the what was needed to be done.
post #40 of 50
We hadn't really discussed it at all.. I guess we were too busy researching homebirths with our first. After ds was born, our midwife asked if we wanted to schedule one with a rabbi. We weren't sure, we asked her what she thought and she said "I think God made your little baby perfect just the way he is" we agreed. That and that it would cost us $300, and our first decision as parents was made. We have been against circing ever since.
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