Consensual living perspective?

[bobandjess99]

thanks

[OGirlieMama]

That sounds like a pretty dangerous situation. An abscess is nothing to mess around with. I can imagine you must be agonizing over this. It might help to know how old your child is, though, if you want helpful ideas on how to get her to go along with treatment.

[moondiapers]

This is a life threatening situation. I'd just take her in and get it done under GA. Explain it in a way that she's most likely to understand...then make the decision for her because you're the Mom.

[dogretro]

If your daughter were walking around w/ a badly broken arm and did not want to go to the hospital, would you be asking us this question?

You are going to have to pull parental rank and make her go to the dentist. Yes, you can die from things like this going untreated AND you can have CPS called on you for not seeking medical treatment for your child. I know it will be difficult to get her in, but you KNOW what you need to do, Mama!

[holyhelianthus]

This is pretty much just like if your DD were to run in the middle of traffic and want to stay there. You'd have to quickly go and retrieve her for her own safety, right? From what I have read of CL nothing suggests allowing a child to stay in a dangerous life threatening situation. Explain it to her, console her, be there for her, but really in this situation she needs to have something done out of her comfort level for her own safety. Sometimes mama really does no best.

If nothing else this can be a trust exercise where DD learns mama is just looking out for her and would never let something bad happen

[lisac77]

DS has had surgery twice and both times he has been sedated orally (using the drug Versed a.k.a. "happy juice") before they even so much as put in an I.V. Neither time was in any way stressful or traumatic for him.

I would encourage you to look into getting your daughter's teeth removed under general anesthesia with oral sedation before procedure. It will be a lot easier on her than walking around with abcessed teeth!!!

[happyhippy]

A fabulous book that can guide you through preparing your child for medical events is here:
http://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Through.../dp/1556436300
I highly recommend this book.

[mischievium]

A few years ago, my friend's sister went through a similar situation, only it was the grown-up sister who was avoiding and avoiding and avoiding going to the dentist. Finally, she developed an abscess and her whole cheek became more and more swollen. By the time she went to the dentist, he had to call an ambulance because she had developed Ludwig's Angina. She ended up intubated and in the ICU for ~5 days while they waited for the antibiotics to kick in and for the swelling in her throat to decrease enough so that it wasn't threatening her ability to breathe without a tube keeping her airway open.

I would take what was going on with your daughter extremely seriously and see if you can find a way to make it less awful for her. I would consider talking to her doctor and/ or dentist about giving her medication to help with her anxiety (since it doesn't sound like you have time for talk/ play therapy at this juncture) to get through the procedure, or even maybe something you can give her at home before you leave to minimize the freaking out in the car on the way there. And discuss whether general anesthesia and/ or oral or IV sedation are appropriate options.

Also, you might look into whether there is a program that deals with dental fears in your area. I don't know where you are, but the University of Washington has a program and you might look into whether something like that exists in your area.

From what I know of dental problems as extensive as you're describing, they do not get better on their own, only worse, so the longer you wait, the worse it will probably be.

[umami_mommy]

being consensual means that the needs of all family members are recognized and respected as being equal and valid. it doesn't mean that children make decisions alone and without input and guidance from parents and others.

in any situation where a child is saying NO and not able to move to a true solution... (i don't know what all your options are, but you probably do), it's important to look at WHY the child is saying NO.

i would say fear is causing her to refuse the surgery. so the "CL perspective" (if there is such a thing) is to foster connection and communication with your child to help her through her fear so she can agree to the best possible solution in the situation. i know you don't want to force her (which can be really traumatic), so finding a way to ease her fear is probably the most peaceful approach. which means you'll have to shift your focus to loving her unconditionally no matter her mind set and move to a place of connection and acceptance. then things will likely get unstuck for her.

hope this helps.

[jenners26]

I agree that at this point it really has turned into a "has to" situation. We're not talking about a child that is unwilling to bathe...this is now a fairly serious health concern.

I would talk to her about what's going to happen in as much detail as you can. Call the dentist and find out EXACTLY what the procedure will entail, so you can explain it to her step by step. Give her as many options as you can....does she want the appointment in the morning or the afternoon, is there a special comfortable outfit she'd like to wear (jammies, etc.) Is there a special stuffed animal or lovey she'd like to take with her? Is there a special food she'd like to have on hand for when she's done? (Clearly, this is all subjective since I don't know exactly how old she is, but you get my point). Give her as much control as you can. I'm sure much of her fear is coming from a place of "the unknown," (unless she had some massively traumatic experience in the past).

Good luck. I'm sure this is very stressful for all of you.

[marybethorama]

You can help her through it sure, but if she's a minor child not getting treatment is medical neglect and not acceptable IMO

[veganone]

Originally Posted by marybethorama

You can help her through it sure, but if she's a minor child not getting treatment is medical neglect and not acceptable IMO

I completely agree. I'm surprised the dentist you've seen hasn't called and reported you.