Natural Consequence for misbehaving at MD appt?

[boysmom2]

Ugh. I had to take DS3 in for his 2 mo check up. There was no way I could go with out bringing my other 2 boys, 4 and 7yo. Before we left the house, and again in the car on the way there, I explained to them how I expected them to be REALLY good helpers by playing/reading quietly so that I could talk to the dr. and get DS3 checked out. We're doing a selective/delayed vax schedule that I had not brought up with her yet, so I really needed to be able to talk to her. They both agreed that they would behave. I also explained that if they did not cooperate, the appt would take longer. So, if they didn't want to be stuck at the office for longer than we had to be, they should let me talk. They both said they would behave.

Then we got there. OH...MY...G*D! it was like I had 2 different kids. The pleasant, cooperative ones from the car were replaced by a couple of wild animals! I was so embarassed and could barely talk to the dr. Who, btw, I think thinks I'm completely nuts for questioning the vax sched. Anyway, what do I do?

They've done this before too. I always take the time to explain where we're going, and what I expect from them. I have snacks and books or toys for them. Sometimes we get somewhere and they're ok, but other times (more and more often lately) we get out of the car and all h*ll breaks loose.

Then, we get back in the car and I tell them how disappointed I am and they say they're sorry. But I don't think they are, because the next time they just do it again!

Not bringing them is not an option. I don't have a lot of things like this they have to go to, but once in a while we do. We do plenty of fun things for them, so it's not like this is their only chance to get out and be crazy.

So, here's my bad mommy confession: I sort of tried to bribe them. I didn't set out to do it, but on the way there, they said they were hungry (they had just had breakfast). I gave them granola bars and they asked if we could get lunch somewhere. I told them we'd have lunch after the dr appt but that we couldn't go out, since DS3 was getting a shot and may not be feeling good afterwards. They were disappointed, so I said, that if they could be REALLY good helpers at the dr office, we'd go through the McDonalds drive through on the way home (I know, I know.... Well we obviously didn't do that, since they were terrible. But I know this wasn't the right way to handle it.

So, what do I do? I'm feeling more and more like I can't take them anywhere. And they're too old and too smart for this behavior. They're acting like toddlers with no self control.

[Ruthla]

I don't think it's too terrible to plan a "treat" after a "boring outing" like that, and then NOT do the treat if they misbehave. The natural consequence is that you're no longer willing to get them McDonald's after the doctor appt.

I'm wondering what it is about the dr's office that set them off like that. Was breakfast or snack full of chemicals they don't ordinarily consume? Did they react maybe to chemical smells AT the dr's office?

[boysmom2]

I have noticed that they really can't control themselves after eating really intensely artificially colored "foods," so I avoid those as much as I can. I can't remember now what breakfast was, but nothing out of the ordinary. And the granola bars are the ones I usually buy.

They do this other places too, so I don't think it was something about the Dr's office in particular. They've done it in public and at other people's houses. I just feel so frustrated because I know they CAN be so pleasant and well behaved, but lately other people don't get to see that side of them very much!

One thing was really funny about all of this though: after I told them we would not be getting McDonalds, they were really upset. (Not the funny part, I'm getting to that...) They told me I'm the worst mom ever and that I'd "be sorry" if I didn't get them McDonalds. So, we got home and I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready. I came out to the living room to see what they were doing and noticed a candle holder on the floor. I have 2 metal candle things that are mounted on the wall by the stairs. Each one has 8 glass cups that hold votive candles. I asked them how this cup wound up on the floor and they said, "well, that's what you get for not taking us to McDonalds." They had taken all 16 of these glass cups down from the wall, turned each candle upside down in the cups and placed them carefully all over the living room. Some were on the floor, some on book shelves or tables... I asked them to please put them back and they did. Then I asked if they did anything else. They told me they had taken some blankets out of the linen closet. I asked what they did with them and they said "we put them in the hallway." So I had them put those back too. I just found their choice of "revenge" to be really amusing!

[lolar2]

Is there a specific way they misbehave each time?

[ssh]

My 3.5 year old DD becomes a wild little creature when she's bored. I don't bring her to my doctor appointments. I have to go every 3 months for my diabetes. I schedule the appts. at 5pm and drop her off with my DH at his office before going. The doctor's office and my DH's work are both in the same area so they window shop or get a snack. We meet back at my car about an hour later.

I can easily see some 4 year olds unable to behave well for someone else's doctor appointment. I don't really know about 7 year olds. I think some kids really have a problem with sitting still or being quiet when they're really bored.

[MamasBoys]

Doctor's appointments are really hard for us too. I finally figured out what works for us, and that is "activity bags." My 3 1/2 year old has a bag that only comes out at certain times that I really need him to sit quietly (appointments, long car drives). I've filled it with things from the $1 bins at Target. (notepads, markers, stamps, silly putty, little games, stickers, small toys). He gets pretty excited to see the bag since it only comes out when I REALLY need it. For the older kids, I've learned to plan ahead and charge up their Nintendo DS's and have them ready to go. (Another idea I haven't put into practice yet is buying 2 games that we only bring out for special appts as well.) I also did this with other gaming systems when they were younger like the Leapad and Leapster.

[thismama]

I think it's fine to have bribed with McD's and then not followed through. Good on ya! If you had followed thru I think that would have been silly and taught them that you are a pushover.

If they really dont take you seriously, which it sounds like they don't, I would take it a step further and cancel something else fun they wanted to do. I'm all for gentle discipline but there comes a line when our kids think they run the show, and then IMO you have to take back the reins.

[tanyam926]

I think you handled it well by cancelling the trip to McDs too. I would have done the same thing.

I try to set things up so that my kids can easily be on their best behaviors, but sometimes they choose not to be, life can't always be fun and my boys have to learn how to act like civilized human beings.

My boys have also told me that I'll be sorry, or that's what I get. It kind of makes me mad but I try to explain to them that I don't have any fun either when they are misbehaving, it's not fun for anyone.

Sometimes my boys are angels, and I have a smug look-what-a-good-mommy-I-am smile on my face. Other times they act like neanderthals and I am trying to get out w/out being recognized.

[rzberrymom]

My DD does this EVERYTIME I have to see my midwife--the woman must think my kiddo is nuts! I don't know if it helps, but you're not alone!

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by thismama

I think it's fine to have bribed with McD's and then not followed through. Good on ya! If you had followed thru I think that would have been silly and taught them that you are a pushover.

If they really dont take you seriously, which it sounds like they don't, I would take it a step further and cancel something else fun they wanted to do. I'm all for gentle discipline but there comes a line when our kids think they run the show, and then IMO you have to take back the reins.

Agree with this. My son was awful yesterday at my DD's appointment. He got a warning. No park if he kept it up. Well he kept it up. So no park. He was totally outraged on the way home . But it's important that he knows I mean business.

The natural consequence is that I'm too pissed off to go play!

[sapphire_chan]

After getting out of the car, did they have a chance to move about outside before you went into the office? Is the waiting room wiggle friendly?

Something that was just suggested to me is before you want to do something that requires concentration, give your kids a few minutes of focused attention first. E.g. you focus on DS1 while waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room, and then while the doctor's examining DS3, you're talking to DS2.

[sapphire_chan]

Taking away play time sounds like a good way to have a cranky child at home. When you don't go to the park do your kids still get to play in the yard at home? Does it work as well as the running around they can do at the park?