I'm a long-term lurker here. I rarely post and prefer my annonimity. But, I cannot and will not sit quietly after what happened to me today.
Help me, please. If this needs to go in another forum, please let me know.
I'm so NOT confrontational about NIP. I do it. I do it discretely and I go about my business. I do NOT normally consider myself a lactivist except that I am seen and encourage and advocate for meeting the needs of my children as they need to be met.
We live in an HOA. We have a community pool. I've nursed 2 infants for 3 seasons at our pool, with the same swimsuit (a nursing swimsuit from Motherwear ftr). I've been there approximately 6 times this season with my DH, and with 2 breastfeeding mother friends. And, each and every time I've nursed baby J in the same manner that I've nursed every infant at a pool for 10.5 years.
I sit on a step or poolside to keep supervision of the kids. I dip the infant's toes in the water, sometimes the bottom as well but only after they stop the frequent pooping with nursing behavior of newborn days. I wear a nursing swimsuit and I nurse. Unless you are standing over my head or you have nursed babies, you would NEVER know I am breastfeeding.
I was at this pool on Friday with a friend for 4 hours. I must have nursed baby J a good 6 times without incident. Two weeks ago, I was there with another friend and the pool monitor at the time made friends with me. She talked about nursing her infants. She sat with me while I nursed sitting on the pool step. NEVER has there been an issue.
Today was not the same. Today, there were 2 pool monitors. On the third time baby J went to nurse (at 6pm), the older pool monitor came over to demand that I move to a chair away from the pool to nurse. I informed her of the state law and declined to do so. She informed me it was bodily fluid and could not be in the pool. I pointed out it wasn't IN the pool. Dh asked her to put her demands in writing. She walked away.
I hoped it was over. But, I specifically asked Dh if the baby had jostled my swimsuit and I was showing something. He assured me that was not the case, he only knew I was nursing because he knew me not because anything could be seen.
At 7pm, baby J was tired. We were now in the big pool versus the kiddie pool. I again sat on the step and nursed him. He nursed for approximately 5 minutes and crashed asleep. He slept, unlatched and my suit completely adjusted back to normal, until 7:30. When he woke up at 7:30, this same employee came back again to demand again that I could NOT nurse there. I had to nurse in the chairs far away from the pool. She informed me that food and drink are not allowed near the pool. I again told her the state law, and this time pointed out that courts have specifically upheld that breastmilk is NOT food nor drink and I had a right to nurse without discrimination anywhere I had a right to be.
At this point, she informed me that nursing sitting on the step was a safety hazard. I asked her what safety hazard. His head was not in the water by any means. She then said it was a safety hazard for everyone else in the pool. Again I asked how. She informed me that he could puke and they would have to close the pool down. I pointed out that any person eating while swimming could puke, more importantly anyone drinking too much pool water was more likely to puke and they would have to close the pool for anyone puking in the pool, not merely my infant. She then informed me that he could poop in the pool. I pointed out that ANY infant could poop in the pool, but infants were permitted to be in the pool.
She stated that most mothers change their babies diapers after they feed them. I pointed out that he hadn't pooped and swim diapers don't contain pee in the first place, so why exactly was she demanding I change his diaper.
Dh insisted again that she put her demands in writing and she walked away.
I again hoped the issue was resolved and she would let it go.
At 8pm, as we were leaving the pool, the pool manager arrived. He asked me how I was doing. I told him we would be doing much better if his employees would quit making a big deal out of nothing. He asked me what I thought the law stated in regards to my breastfeeding rights. I again stated that I had a right to breastfeed without discrimination anywhere I have a right to be.
He then informed me that we have a difference of opinion. He had consulted 2 sources and the law states I may do so provided I am discrete and modest. That is correct for my state. I WAS discrete and modest, and at NO point in her repeat confrontations did the employee ever suggest otherwise. The manager was not present at any point that I was nursing (though interestingly enough he WAS there on Friday when I nursed throughout my visit directly in front of him personally and without any response from him at that time).
After a puzzled look and an "Okay?" I realized this was now his punch line. I pointed out that I wear a nursing swimsuit, that nothing was visible, that my husband had checked for me to be sure and this was a non issue.
At this point, DH asked for this in writing so we can give it to our lawyer. At the mention of a lawyer, the manager refused to speak to us. He informed us that this is going to the Board of Directors and will now be handled thorugh attorneys since I refused to be reasonable.
I am ANGRY and UPSET. And several of my children were upset as we left, having never encountered this nonsense before.
So, what do I do now? I am NOT going to sit back and do nothing. I want an apology, a clarification that I have a right to not be discriminated in my own community pool and assurance that since they have decided to escalate this to the Board of Directors that we will not now be targeted as homeowners for this.
What do I do? How do I handle this? Dh is contacting our lawyer. I'm willing to do a nurse-in, to contact the media, to speak up and to have anyone who wants to share this online for support. But, I honestly don't know what to do. We're in the Atlanta suburbs. I'd be happy to share precisely, and a word write-up of the incident with identifying information via PM or email. But, the only time anyone but my own family has EVER confronted me about breastfeeding was 5 years ago when a YMCA in Kentucky had an issue with me nursing my 15 monther in the nursery. We were moving in a month and I simply choose to walk away from that one. I've never had this before. And, I can't just walk away from this. I live here. My kids LOVE the pool, and I don't want to have to walk egg shells and face threats for the duration of nursing my last infant just because of this ill-informed person (the employee, the manager were merely backing his employee, wrongly but backing her just the same).
HELP!
FYI, DH has now researched the laws. According to LLLI, our state law *did* have a modest and discrete clause until 2002. That clause was stricken in 2002 and in checking the actual current statue it is no longer in the language of the law.
Help me, please. If this needs to go in another forum, please let me know.
I'm so NOT confrontational about NIP. I do it. I do it discretely and I go about my business. I do NOT normally consider myself a lactivist except that I am seen and encourage and advocate for meeting the needs of my children as they need to be met.
We live in an HOA. We have a community pool. I've nursed 2 infants for 3 seasons at our pool, with the same swimsuit (a nursing swimsuit from Motherwear ftr). I've been there approximately 6 times this season with my DH, and with 2 breastfeeding mother friends. And, each and every time I've nursed baby J in the same manner that I've nursed every infant at a pool for 10.5 years.
I sit on a step or poolside to keep supervision of the kids. I dip the infant's toes in the water, sometimes the bottom as well but only after they stop the frequent pooping with nursing behavior of newborn days. I wear a nursing swimsuit and I nurse. Unless you are standing over my head or you have nursed babies, you would NEVER know I am breastfeeding.
I was at this pool on Friday with a friend for 4 hours. I must have nursed baby J a good 6 times without incident. Two weeks ago, I was there with another friend and the pool monitor at the time made friends with me. She talked about nursing her infants. She sat with me while I nursed sitting on the pool step. NEVER has there been an issue.
Today was not the same. Today, there were 2 pool monitors. On the third time baby J went to nurse (at 6pm), the older pool monitor came over to demand that I move to a chair away from the pool to nurse. I informed her of the state law and declined to do so. She informed me it was bodily fluid and could not be in the pool. I pointed out it wasn't IN the pool. Dh asked her to put her demands in writing. She walked away.
I hoped it was over. But, I specifically asked Dh if the baby had jostled my swimsuit and I was showing something. He assured me that was not the case, he only knew I was nursing because he knew me not because anything could be seen.
At 7pm, baby J was tired. We were now in the big pool versus the kiddie pool. I again sat on the step and nursed him. He nursed for approximately 5 minutes and crashed asleep. He slept, unlatched and my suit completely adjusted back to normal, until 7:30. When he woke up at 7:30, this same employee came back again to demand again that I could NOT nurse there. I had to nurse in the chairs far away from the pool. She informed me that food and drink are not allowed near the pool. I again told her the state law, and this time pointed out that courts have specifically upheld that breastmilk is NOT food nor drink and I had a right to nurse without discrimination anywhere I had a right to be.
At this point, she informed me that nursing sitting on the step was a safety hazard. I asked her what safety hazard. His head was not in the water by any means. She then said it was a safety hazard for everyone else in the pool. Again I asked how. She informed me that he could puke and they would have to close the pool down. I pointed out that any person eating while swimming could puke, more importantly anyone drinking too much pool water was more likely to puke and they would have to close the pool for anyone puking in the pool, not merely my infant. She then informed me that he could poop in the pool. I pointed out that ANY infant could poop in the pool, but infants were permitted to be in the pool.
She stated that most mothers change their babies diapers after they feed them. I pointed out that he hadn't pooped and swim diapers don't contain pee in the first place, so why exactly was she demanding I change his diaper.
Dh insisted again that she put her demands in writing and she walked away.
I again hoped the issue was resolved and she would let it go.
At 8pm, as we were leaving the pool, the pool manager arrived. He asked me how I was doing. I told him we would be doing much better if his employees would quit making a big deal out of nothing. He asked me what I thought the law stated in regards to my breastfeeding rights. I again stated that I had a right to breastfeed without discrimination anywhere I have a right to be.
He then informed me that we have a difference of opinion. He had consulted 2 sources and the law states I may do so provided I am discrete and modest. That is correct for my state. I WAS discrete and modest, and at NO point in her repeat confrontations did the employee ever suggest otherwise. The manager was not present at any point that I was nursing (though interestingly enough he WAS there on Friday when I nursed throughout my visit directly in front of him personally and without any response from him at that time).
After a puzzled look and an "Okay?" I realized this was now his punch line. I pointed out that I wear a nursing swimsuit, that nothing was visible, that my husband had checked for me to be sure and this was a non issue.
At this point, DH asked for this in writing so we can give it to our lawyer. At the mention of a lawyer, the manager refused to speak to us. He informed us that this is going to the Board of Directors and will now be handled thorugh attorneys since I refused to be reasonable.
I am ANGRY and UPSET. And several of my children were upset as we left, having never encountered this nonsense before.
So, what do I do now? I am NOT going to sit back and do nothing. I want an apology, a clarification that I have a right to not be discriminated in my own community pool and assurance that since they have decided to escalate this to the Board of Directors that we will not now be targeted as homeowners for this.
What do I do? How do I handle this? Dh is contacting our lawyer. I'm willing to do a nurse-in, to contact the media, to speak up and to have anyone who wants to share this online for support. But, I honestly don't know what to do. We're in the Atlanta suburbs. I'd be happy to share precisely, and a word write-up of the incident with identifying information via PM or email. But, the only time anyone but my own family has EVER confronted me about breastfeeding was 5 years ago when a YMCA in Kentucky had an issue with me nursing my 15 monther in the nursery. We were moving in a month and I simply choose to walk away from that one. I've never had this before. And, I can't just walk away from this. I live here. My kids LOVE the pool, and I don't want to have to walk egg shells and face threats for the duration of nursing my last infant just because of this ill-informed person (the employee, the manager were merely backing his employee, wrongly but backing her just the same).
HELP!
FYI, DH has now researched the laws. According to LLLI, our state law *did* have a modest and discrete clause until 2002. That clause was stricken in 2002 and in checking the actual current statue it is no longer in the language of the law.
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