I am so frustrated I'm nearly in tears. I need some advice as I haven't been able to figure out a way to make this work.
At our house, the kids are asked to help out here and there with everyday tasks such as clearing the table or feeding the cats, but we don't have any scheduled 'chores' or tasks that they always do as their own tasks...except laundry. We felt we'd been teaching them along the way in having them do developmentally-appropriate tasks related to taking care of their things like tidying up their belongings and helping with putting away their clothes as they were able. Now, they are 5 and 8 and perfectly capable of putting away their laundry without assistance. We have made it their 'job' to put away their own laundry. But this never works
. Due to its nature and our lifestyle, laundry is finished ad hoc and so there isn't a scheduled time and date that laundry needs to be put away. I cannot do their laundry consistently on a certain day--I just can't. Whenever there is laundry to be put away it becomes a fight. It takes literally hours. They kids fight about it, so we ask one to go upstairs first and do hers, then the next goes up after. We've tried 'helping' by having the laundry neatly folded and even sorted into pants/shirts/socks so the task is less overwhelming. We've tried allowing them to do it in spurts...10 minutes now, 10 minutes this afternoon, 10 minutes this evening. This just means 3 times a day of arguing and fits rather than one. We've tried being creative, making it a game...but it always turns into one of those 'brilliant ideas' that backfires.
I have tried thinking through the issue of whose need this is and what the natural consequences would be if they did not put the laundry away. What it comes down to is that our home would become more chaotic, the kids would react to the chaos of digging through clothes and living in mess all the time, and it would deeply impact our family's day-to-day functioning negatively. I cannot allow them to leave their clothes in baskets. I also cannot take responsibility for putting their clothes away, for a number of reasons. First, I spend so much time collecting, sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away for the three others in the household (myself, dp and ds) that I really truly do not have the time! Second, I believe the kids should learn to manage this task, and that it is an important part of growing and being part of a family. I believe this struggle would exist no matter what the task--I don't think it's laundry-specific. My point is that it's the one thing they are asked and expected to do as part of the family, and I do not feel comfortable with just relieving them of any ongoing responsibility altogether. I believe this task is important, and that if I just did it myself I would feel angry, resentful and that my children were disrespectful. I honestly worry that they will grow up without a sense of responsibility and that having meaningful work to do in our home gives them a sense of purpose, belonging and pride that I hope they can have. So, it's not just laundry obviously.
I just don't know what I can do to have them participate in this without it becoming a fight all the time! As I move the laundry through I have flashes of what's to come, and I feel anxious about it every day. It's out of control and I don't know what to do anymore.
I welcome your ideas, please, especially from moms of 3 or more who can understand the unique dynamics of trying to meet the needs of many while staying sane.
Right now it's at the point where we are saying it must be done, and that until it is done the children cannot do other activities, such as going out or going swimming as a family as we'd scheduled. I don't like this as it does seem punitive and the activites are very valuable such as relaxed family time together, time outdoors and what have you. But, the laundry needs to be put away and I don't know what else to do?
At our house, the kids are asked to help out here and there with everyday tasks such as clearing the table or feeding the cats, but we don't have any scheduled 'chores' or tasks that they always do as their own tasks...except laundry. We felt we'd been teaching them along the way in having them do developmentally-appropriate tasks related to taking care of their things like tidying up their belongings and helping with putting away their clothes as they were able. Now, they are 5 and 8 and perfectly capable of putting away their laundry without assistance. We have made it their 'job' to put away their own laundry. But this never works
. Due to its nature and our lifestyle, laundry is finished ad hoc and so there isn't a scheduled time and date that laundry needs to be put away. I cannot do their laundry consistently on a certain day--I just can't. Whenever there is laundry to be put away it becomes a fight. It takes literally hours. They kids fight about it, so we ask one to go upstairs first and do hers, then the next goes up after. We've tried 'helping' by having the laundry neatly folded and even sorted into pants/shirts/socks so the task is less overwhelming. We've tried allowing them to do it in spurts...10 minutes now, 10 minutes this afternoon, 10 minutes this evening. This just means 3 times a day of arguing and fits rather than one. We've tried being creative, making it a game...but it always turns into one of those 'brilliant ideas' that backfires.I have tried thinking through the issue of whose need this is and what the natural consequences would be if they did not put the laundry away. What it comes down to is that our home would become more chaotic, the kids would react to the chaos of digging through clothes and living in mess all the time, and it would deeply impact our family's day-to-day functioning negatively. I cannot allow them to leave their clothes in baskets. I also cannot take responsibility for putting their clothes away, for a number of reasons. First, I spend so much time collecting, sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away for the three others in the household (myself, dp and ds) that I really truly do not have the time! Second, I believe the kids should learn to manage this task, and that it is an important part of growing and being part of a family. I believe this struggle would exist no matter what the task--I don't think it's laundry-specific. My point is that it's the one thing they are asked and expected to do as part of the family, and I do not feel comfortable with just relieving them of any ongoing responsibility altogether. I believe this task is important, and that if I just did it myself I would feel angry, resentful and that my children were disrespectful. I honestly worry that they will grow up without a sense of responsibility and that having meaningful work to do in our home gives them a sense of purpose, belonging and pride that I hope they can have. So, it's not just laundry obviously.
I just don't know what I can do to have them participate in this without it becoming a fight all the time! As I move the laundry through I have flashes of what's to come, and I feel anxious about it every day. It's out of control and I don't know what to do anymore.
I welcome your ideas, please, especially from moms of 3 or more who can understand the unique dynamics of trying to meet the needs of many while staying sane.
Right now it's at the point where we are saying it must be done, and that until it is done the children cannot do other activities, such as going out or going swimming as a family as we'd scheduled. I don't like this as it does seem punitive and the activites are very valuable such as relaxed family time together, time outdoors and what have you. But, the laundry needs to be put away and I don't know what else to do?
:. It's what made us choose a new construction home, and was our only requirement of said home! It will make such a big difference for me. Right now it's so hard to do laundry because it's across the house, down one flight of stairs, across the house, down another flight of stairs, across the house through the basement door and back across the house again. With a toddler, it's just such slow going. It will take so much less time with the laundry room *right there*!
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. I'll be sure to update in a little while.
