When they don't wean gradually...

[granola_mom]

My DD is two and a half and I've been nursing on demand her whole life, planning to CLW. But now I'm feeling really bad about it. It seems like everyone else on here has a toddler who drops feeds gradually and by the time they are my DD's age, are nursing only maybe 2-3 times a day. Am I wrong? Because my dd is definitely not like that. She hasn't cut down on her nursing sessions. I see no gradual weaning of any sort.

For the past two years people have been telling me here on MDC that I am close to the light at the end of the tunnel, where she will eat more solids and nurse less. But she STILL nurses every hour or more on many days. The only time she asks less is when we are out doing something really new and fun- but I can't do that every day. If I take her to our usual playgroups she still asks. She will STILL often refuse solids at home and just want to nurse. She goes to day care three mornings a week for 5 hours and eats plenty of solids there, I am SHOCKED when the DCP tells me she ate a whole bowl of foods because that NEVER happens at home. I am lucky if I get her to eat five bites at any given meal.

Am I doing something wrong? Can someone please be honest with me? I am feeling like a total fool and a failure, like I set myself up for this misery by nursing on demand. I'm really not trusting my instincts right now and I feel like all those people who told me to stop are thinking "I told you so!"

[PJJ]

you are...

a phenomenal mama and are doing a fabulous job. If possible, could you look at it from a different point of view, as in your milk is 100 tims better than solids and that she may need the bonding as well. IRL, do you have any friends that have CLW?
Good luck mama and I am in awe of you.:

[tynme]

My son is 3.5, and he has yet to wean. I wanted to do CLW, but after I realized that he was not leading the weaning, I started to do things to encourage it. I would offer him choices "You can nurse, or you can watch star wars (His fav)". "You can nurse, or do ______".

Since she's eating well at other places, I wouldn't think of allergies....maybe you could set limits on nursing? Like...."Take two more bites of food,and then i'll nurse", or "we only nurse when it's time for bed", or only nurse in a boring spot of the house (bedroom), or "we will nurse when we get back home, right now we're playing with ______, but I could give a hug if you want".

I nurse(d) on demand also, and until this past month, my DS was still nursing 4-8 (closer to 8) times a day.

Sorry if I wasn't much help...just wanted to tell you your not alone!!

[alegna]

Dd hadn't cut back at that age. At that point she was nursing 10+ times a day.

Now, she's nearly 5 and nurses once a day.

They do wean eventually

-Angela

[Drummer's Wife]

That is how my now 4 yr old was. And actually, at barely 3 I swear he seemed to nurse more than a newborn! Hang in there. Even when it was hard, I kept telling myself that it's only a small part of my life -- soon I will (I do now) long for them to still be nursing.

[MovingMomma]

First, I'm not sure if this will address your concerns, b/c I'm not sure what part of your situation you are referring to when you say, "I set myself up for this misery."

Do you have a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding? You might find the section starting on page 242 under "nursing too much?" and continuing to page 245 helpful. Basically, it talks about looking at whether there are big life changes the nursling is facing, then goes on to discuss how the nursling may need more attention in other ways than nursing. Here's part of a mother's story in this section:

I had been thinking, "This child does nothing but nurse!" Then I realized this was precisely the case. I had not stopped thinking that nursing met all of Celeste's needs--as indeed it had for a long time. I had not observed until then that I was not giving Celeste the attention she deserved at times when she was not nursing.

[marija_jane]

My son is not quite as old as yours but he nurses all day and all night, especially during teething. I think the PP has a good point because I have noticed that when I am trying to get more time alone that he reacts by needing to nurse more. Just wanted to say that I want to do CLW because I think it is important for my son to naturally grow out of his need to nurse on his own without my interference. But I do sometimes feel that at two he is old enough to wait a couple of minutes if he insists on nursing while I am busy, like frying eggs or using the bathroom! I also find myself trying to suggest, "would you like some water? some grapes?" and I realize that these are actually weaning activities on my part. It is hard not to do that though. I don't even count how many times a day my son nurses... It is definitely at least twenty times a day and about three times at night, I'm counting the 5 am to 7 am nursing as one! Anyway, I think what you are experiencing is normal and that they do gradually nurse less and less, and just as they nurse less when they are busy out doing things, they will get more and more busy as they grow. Hang in there mama!

[TiredX2]

Both of my kids still nursed round the clock at 2.5 (well, DD had cut back a little because I was 8 months pg, but she certainly made up for it in months 31-36, lol).

They both weaned.

Humans are biologically programed to wean sometime in the 2.5-7 year range. The fact that a 2.5 year old is showing no real signs of weaning is totally normal. Just because it's normal, though, doesn't mean it isn't tiring

[kriket]

: I like the nursing in a boring area idea. If they really want to nurse they can. Its just dull.

Good luck mama!

[KweenKrunch]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

Both of my kids still nursed round the clock at 2.5 (well, DD had cut back a little because I was 8 months pg, but she certainly made up for it in months 31-36, lol).

They both weaned.

Humans are biologically programed to wean sometime in the 2.5-7 year range. The fact that a 2.5 year old is showing no real signs of weaning is totally normal. Just because it's normal, though, doesn't mean it isn't tiring

This!

My 3.5-year-old is still nursing many times a day, and my 6-year-old was still nursing a lot at 2.5 (now she only nurses 1-2 times per day.) 2.5 is pretty young to self-wean. I know it can be tedious - hang in there.

[deditus]

Sounds like my girl at 2.5, but she just turned 3 and is back down to morning, nap, and bedtime nursing. 2.5 is just really hard. I think they are really feeling their independence and need to touch base often.

[octobermom]

My DD self weaned at age 4.
At 2.5 I'd say a good 90% or more of her daily nutrution still came from breastmilk.
at around 3 she did really start cutting down and wouldn't rountinuly ask for other things cuddles a cookie whatever first before breast soon breast was a sleepy time thing only (her choice)
between 3.5 and 4 years she cut wayyyyy back so back I think I declared her weaned at least 5 times beacuse she'd go days even a full week between and when she did it was afly buy 2 second affair
She nursed for the very last time on her 4th birthday NOT a day I decided or one we'd talked about but for whatever reason that was her day. That day she nursed like she was a baby fully time both sides when told me okay she was done nummies could be for her little sister (she had none and I wasn't pregant at the time ) and that was it... I think like 4 months latter she came into my room when I was changing and opened her mouth under my bare breast and said MILKIES! I at this time said ohh sorry honey no more want a juice box instead? She was perfectly happy with that
FWIW our journey towards self weaning did come with some "parental" boundries by my choice I began to stop NIP after about 15-18 months and by 2 we had stopped totally. At 9 months my work schedule meant I had to at least patially night weaned and by 15 months we gently made the finial push for the rest. There were also the natural gradual steps a boo boo at say 12 months was imediently handled with a cuddle and a boobie, at 2 years it got a kiss a character bandaid and some cuddles but breast wasn't neccessary offered. In in end the weaning was gradual VERY gradual but at 2.5 yea still full time nursing.

Deanna

[tmareeh]

I wanted to respond to your post, because I know exactly how you feel. (I think...) I too have often wondered if I am the only idiot buying into this whole CLW thing. I really think that so much of it has to do with the personality of the child. Some children (a very small percentage, I believe) would wean on their own with little coaxing by 2.5 or 3. Another small percentage wouldn't wean until 7 or 8 (again, if we're talking little coaxing from mom). And then the majority would wean somewhere in-between.

So, it's possible that your lo is in the 7-8 range. And maybe you just aren't willing to go down that road (or maybe you are...). I think it is perfectly acceptable to set some limits according to your comfort level and then watch your child for their reactions. To me, the weaning process (just like the nursing process) should involve both mom and child.

My dd was still nursing frequently at 2.5. She is almost 5 now and down to nursing 2-3 times a day (and that is with limits set by me). She would still like a quick nip every hour or two if I let her. I have a son as well, who is almost 2. I have handled things much differently with him (and he has a different personality) and am much happier with our nursing relationship, so far. I am also 14 weeks pregnant with our 3rd (and will probably do things a little differently again)! I know you didn't really need my life history! I just wanted to let you know that sometimes personality (of the child) can really make a difference in their nursing habits.

Good luck!

Taryn

[ar2974]

I have a 3 year old. I work outside the home (except summers, I'm a teacher) and mostly nurse on demand (with some limits) in the evenings. I'm pretty sure that if I could hang out all day in bed nursing dd wouldn't happily ebf.

[leighann79]

My DD2 was still nursing like that at 2.5. It wasn't until sometime between 3 and 3.5 that she slowed down. Now at 3.5 she is nursing much less. Part of it is that I'm pregnant, but mostly it was just her being ready. I think she would still be nursing 1-2 times a day if I wasn't pregnant. As it is she nurses once or twice every 2-3 days.

[Ruthla]

DS nursed WAY more than 2-3 times a day at 2.5yo, and he did wean gradually. He was down to 1-2 times a day by 3.75 and weaned at age 4.25.

If she's literally nursing every waking hour, it really is OK to say "no" to some of those nursing sessions. I never hesitated to say "no" if it just felt like too much at that moment, or to insist on a snack for both of us first, etc.

It's perfectly OK to do "weaning activities" with toddlers who are nursing "more than average." You'll see this in the animal kingdom too. Your needs are equally important as your child's, and if you need the nursing to be less frequent, that's perfectly OK. IMO, it's better to set limits on nursing than it is to get burnt out and finally wean cold-turkey because you're completely drained and not enjoying your child at all.
I'd often make a toddler wait to nurse until I finished eating, and offer the toddler food while I had my meal or snack. Most of the time, she or he would eat something while I was eating and the milk bar was temporarily closed. Sometimes this meant we skipped a nursing session (DC was fed and distracted) and other times, it meant a 'less draining' nursing session after the snack.

[tankgirl73]

Great advice here.

If you're concerned about her frequent nursing because you're worried that she will "never wean", but you yourself are still okay with it... ie, you're not overly annoyed, exhausted, etc, you're just concerned that she "should" be eating more solids, etc... If that's the case, then please just relax, go with it. She will NOT still be nursing when she's 15. Or 10. Or, most likely, 7. She WILL eat more solids when it's the right time for her.

If, on the other hand, you're concerned about this because YOU are exhausted or worn out by all the nursing, then by all means, you can do some mom-led stuff. Remember than nursing is a relationship, and while I'd never say this for an infant, at 2.5yo they're old enough for you to start 'demanding' some time for yourself too.

My DD is 2.5 and I'm still planning to let her wean herself... but I'll confess I no longer nurse "on demand" and frequently tell her "no" and distract her and whatever it takes. I know this isn't "true" CLW, and I do feel a bit guilty, but it was just driving me batty. She doesn't even ask to nurse all that often, it's not a frequency issue for me... it's the physical nursing itself that I'm finding harder and harder to tolerate.

Anyway, the point is just that if you really need her to nurse less, for YOU, then that's okay. If you're still okay but were just worried about HER, then you can relax.

I'll also second the suggestion above about nursing being a 'substitute' for other things. I DEFINITELY notice that she gets more fussy and demanding about nursing when she feels left out or ignored, if I've been busy or distracted. When she's busy and happy -- even if I'm not actively with her but she's well engaged in an interesting activity -- she's much more content. Perhaps in your case the hours of daycare give her a stronger need to reconnect with you and nursing is her preferred method.

[ChinaDoll]

Originally Posted by alegna

Dd hadn't cut back at that age. At that point she was nursing 10+ times a day.

Now, she's nearly 5 and nurses once a day.

They do wean eventually

-Angela

We have a very similar story; now at 5.5 it's more like 1x a week ...

It happens, on their timetable; hang in there!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by granola_mom

She goes to day care three mornings a week for 5 hours and eats plenty of solids there, I am SHOCKED when the DCP tells me she ate a whole bowl of foods because that NEVER happens at home. I am lucky if I get her to eat five bites at any given meal.

if you researched this a bit you would see how normal this is. how other moms are tearing their hair out coz their toddler/child hardly eats anything at home. at least with you yours has bm. the other moms - nothing.

i have noticed the same with my dd. at that age. who is also a social eater. she defintiely even today at almost 7 eats more when others are around or even at restaurants. she never, never ate beans in our house. no matter how i cooked them. at dc she gobbled them up. the owner who also sometimes cooks for the dc and who usually cooks th ebean and rice said she makes the same exact thing at home and her kids reject it.

my dd is still nursing. 30 secs at night and wake up mornings. for her nursing is like therapy. she gets a LOT of emotional benefit out of it. before 5 she nursed a lot when going thru growth spurts and emotional stuff. other times not so much.

hang in there mama. nursing is not just nutrition. its a whole lot more for our kids. childhood is v. v. stressful and i think its a huge emotional support for our kids.

[boheime]

A 2 1/2 year old who only nurses 2-3 times a day? What's that like? My kids must just nurse a LOT, then.