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If You Could Afford Not To Work Would You? - Page 2

post #21 of 66
I would like to say I'd quit in a heartbeat, but I don't technically have to be working right now, so I guess the answer is no. If we rearranged things, we could afford it, but it would be tight. We want to move to an area with better schools, will need a new vehicle once we get pg and have the next baby (some day), and want to have some security for the next so that I can stay home.

Would I make a great SAHM, though? Probably not. I dislike my current job, but the pay is good, so I'm staying until the next . Then I'll devote the year's maternity leave solely to the kids, and then I'll pursue something that makes me happier. It's just so tempting here in Canada with the one year paid leave, not to work through the next pg so that I have another year off paid... and my parents are watching ds, so I know he's very well taken care of. I miss him terribly, but think this is best for our family right now. And now the guilt is creeping in again...
post #22 of 66
I would LOVE to quit my job! At one point p-t would have been nice but right now I just want to stay home and be. I'm so tired of rushing around and feeling like i can't have any quality time. I'm so tired of the rat race.

I would like some time just to goof of and be and then maybe p-t or better yet a work-at-home situation. That would be perfect
post #23 of 66
I have an 11 month old daughter and would take off a few years if I could.

My husband is a SAHD and is doing a great job of it - he spent serveral years in the military and retired . This is a whole new life for him and is truly a rich experience for him. Plus my salary and benefits are way too good for me to quit - it's really the basis for our retirement and financial security. If I quit now, we lose everything (military retirement). And my husband is not a U.S. citizen - he could never get something that would give us the same pay and benefits.

But I waited until I was forty to have my daughter and I feel like I am really missing out on something that will never come again. I also feel like I am ignoring a very powerful biological pull to be with her - although I am still breastfeeding whenever possible and we are alternating co-sleeping with her (so I can get enough sleep). Still I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong at times - it's almost a physical pain.

Overall, I think I am the only one who is somehow disappointed. My daughter is thriving, happy and confident and her father has enormous energy.

I think this is something that I will have to accept and allow myself to grieve over privately because I don't want my husband to feel guilty. Also, I am in a work/social environment that in no way supports breastfeeding or attachment parenting. I really feel alone at times with this and am too exhausted to get connected with LLL.

Is anyone else experiencing such conflicting feelings or feeling isolated as an AP?
post #24 of 66
Very good question....
I've just gone back to work, ds is 51/2 mts. I was home with dd for her first 2/12 yrs, but I did not have a job to go back to with her. This time, I have a very stimulating high paying job. I love my schedule, because I work 48 hrs/wk (12 hr shifts), 24 of those hrs are night time, so, the baby is sleeping anyway.
I initially went back early cause dh was laid off, and we needed the money. I thought I'd hate it....but I'm actually enjoying the balance.
I still bf on demand when home, cosleep. I feel very attached. And feel that I'm more patient, when I'm not mom 24hrs/day 7days/week...full on ya know?

So, no. I wouldn't quit.
Unless I won the big lottery, then, we'd all travel!!!
post #25 of 66
Yeah, in a minute I would not work outside of the home. I'm looking for work now, but glad to be collecting unemployment and hangin' out at home.
post #26 of 66
I'm fortunate and grateful that we can afford to do without my income right now, and I'm also looking forward to going back part-time, 20 hours a week. Dd is 11 weeks old, and we're wrapping up a 12 week mat. leave from my full-time job.

I love being home with her, and I'd choose staying home over working full time. I enjoy my work, though. I expect I'll enjoy the variety, that it will make dh feel more secure (in case he leaves or loses his job), involve dh more in dd's primary care (he'll watch her some of the time, his mom will watch her the rest). I also get energy and confidence from work that I haven't had when I've been unemployed.

However, next week is my first week back and I'm nervous. Ack. Am I going to be overwhelmed? Am I going to feel pulled in all directions and like I'm doing everything poorly? Am I going to be able to let go, and trust others to care for dd? I don't know.
post #27 of 66
To me it's all about the kind of work you're talking about and the options for quality child care available.

Since I finished school (I have a PhD in psychology and a law degree), I worked for 8 years at a high pressure university teaching/research job, then for three years at a low pressure law school teaching job, and this year I've been doing consulting from home (I'm a domestic violence expert).

If there were no quality child care available (my 2.5 yr old son is now in an awesome full time university preschool, with amazing facilities, resources, and staff, then I would be unwilling to work outside the home and would find a way to make my WAHMing work. For the first 2 years of my son's life, my DH and I both did part-time care and we had a part-time nanny. Then we felt that he needed to be around his peers more and in a more structured environment. He has absolutely thrived there, and the stimulation they provide in terms of toys, creative play, art opportunities, etc is incredible. I believe this environment is better for him than being at home with me all day.

Over my years of teaching, I came to dislike my high pressure, prestigious teaching job and had I not quit several months before getting pregnant (TTC did not work while I was still at this job, go figure), I'm pretty sure I would have stayed at home, at least for a year or so, if that was the alternative. Given that I was in a much better job (for me) when my son was born, I wanted to continue working-- and the law school rearranged my load of classes and teaching times to make it extremely convenient for me. Now, I am doing exactly what I want to do, and I'm making more money than ever working fewer hours. I now am able to use some of my working hours for necessary family activities (shopping, organizing, errands, cooking Shabbat meals, etc), which makes our weekends as a family pretty much fun-filled, without the chores that we had to do when I was working more.

post #28 of 66
I think this is something that I will have to accept and allow myself to grieve over privately because I don't want my husband to feel guilty. Also, I am in a work/social environment that in no way supports breastfeeding or attachment parenting. I really feel alone at times with this and am too exhausted to get connected with LLL.
Elynor's mom, I have SO BEEN THERE!
Is anyone else experiencing such conflicting feelings or feeling isolated as an AP?
I'm going to copy this to a separate thread, so look for it there! I think this deserves its own thread though it is related to this one.
post #29 of 66
I would love to stop working!! My plan wasn't to go back to work until my girls were in school, but things change. It doesn't help that I am currently in a job I care nothing about. Next fall I hope to go back to school, so at least if I am away I will be working towards something fulfilling.
post #30 of 66
If I won the lottery I would quit school in a heartbeat.

But I would return, when dd is much much older. Leaving her every day breaks my heart.
post #31 of 66
Yes, I really like my career and if I left my job it would be REALLY hard to get another one like it when the time came. I don't think I would be a very effective or happy SAHM. It helps that my DH owns his own business and has flexible hours and he is the primary caregiver for our DS.
post #32 of 66
Yes, I would quit my part-time job that requires me to go to the office, and freelance from home (I'm a writer) for the fun of it. That's my ultimate goal anyway -- I just have to figure out how to make enough money at it!

To me, though, a job's a job. It isn't the end-all, be-all I thought it would be when I was in high school and college. Being a mom is so much more fulfilling to me. But if I were to stay home f/t, I would continue freelancing because I do enjoy it, and it keeps my skills current.
post #33 of 66
absolutely, unequivocally YES i would quit! not b/c i don't like what i do, but b/c i hate having to wake up before ds wakes up, run out the door to work when he wants to bf, and being so darn tired at night when i get home.

if we're talking about what we REALLY WANT though - i would like dh to work less too - the time i enjoy the most is when we're all home together as a family. since that's not realistic though....

jodi - mom to joseph 3-31-02
post #34 of 66
I would love to work part time! Dh and I have both been working 4 days a week the last few months, with ds in daycare 3 days, but next week I have to go back to work ft and I'm dreading it. Especially on the occ'l bad day for Yanek in daycare, I really really don't want to listen to anybody complain about a cold or sore toe (work in the medical field). Most the time though, I find having a baby makes me a more compassionate person, of course esp. regarding kids.
I do think I would get bored staying at home all day; we live in a rural area with virtually no like-minded people around (unless they're closet AP), but I do feel guilty about that and am afraid I'm missing out on important time that can never be made up for.. Sometimes I'm jealous of my mom who lived in a time and environment where she was expected to SAH; she did that and went to school and work when we were in school, and never really had to make those decisions early on and deal with the guilt one way or the other...
post #35 of 66
After much thought, my answer is no. I have an advanced degree in my field, and the work is somewhat interesting, but not nearly fulfilling enough to just work for fun. I have many things I would rather do; homeschool the kids, develop my garden to the point where I raise nearly all of our food and then start an organic CSA, work on my music and writing.
post #36 of 66
Yes I would work , though perhaps not full-time and perhaps not at my current job.
Or I would go to school, or maybe do tons of volunteer work.
I would not be a full-time SAHM.
I need something in my life besides mothering. And I used to feel guilty about this and worry it made me less of a mother than a SAHM...
but my healthy, happy, thriving ds has cured me of this.
post #37 of 66


Well, I think it's about 3 things . . . child care, money and career and/or self fulfillment

If I didn't have high quality child care I wouldn't WOH or I would work nights, even if that meant staying awake all day with DD and being tired, possibly having poor health as a result, or weekends, even if that meant no family time. However since I am lucky to have high quality, onsite care that my social DD loves, that piece is ok

Money---if I was somehow guaranteed or never having to worry about money ever again that is one thing . . . but if that is no guarantee, just that I didn't have to work now it is another. I grew up with little money and my parents did not have a lot put aside for retirement. My mom went back to work when I was a teen and worked her tail off to pay off the mortgage early and get out of other debt. My dad died at age 69. My mom is ok with few bills and a combo of army pension, army disability, work pension and social security, all from my dad. So, now I feel like it's not just the current paycheck . . .it's the benefits, the 401K, the IRA, the pension, the keeping current in my profession are all important. Of course taking a few years off probably wouldn't matter but staying home for more than 3-5 yrs would. I also hate having to watch every dollar I spend but I COULD do it

Career/self fulfillment. I have always had a career, had my daughter at age 35 and think that what I do is important (caring for and teaching nurses to care for critically ill kids). In addition, my final degree is as a nurse practitioner but I have never worked as one (graduated fall 99) so I feel like I will need an "in" to actually get a job as an NP one day (I love the flexibility of my current position). I think that I would like to work as an NP once I have my kid(s) (Hopefully) in school.

So in a word . . . I think I would SAH for a few years then go to PT in a flexible hours type job
post #38 of 66

It's much harder than they say it is...

I often think that I would stay home if we could afford it - I've been PT (20 hrs) since Michael was 12 weeks, and we've had a otugh time finding a good caregiver option. We've had several plans (current one involves swapping with another family, which is tough) and I hate that his care has kept changing. But lately when I express my frustration that I often feel I do both my jobs halfway, and DH says just quit - we'll figure it out, I can't quite bring myself to do it. I like my job and love my coworkers (2 have babies and 2 are expecting), and like my time away from the house. But i miss being with Michael so much and hate the logistical nightmare it's become. DH is changing jobs this summer, though, and I may get to stay home...

Panda- going back IS tough - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I thought I'd never make it - but I did. I have lots of pictures here, and for 9 months Michael came once a day to nurse, which helped. I have a great pump too which helps (he was exclusively BF for 6+months). Don't be afraid to call home or be an anal-mama - it's okay - it's your job! PM me if you have ?s, and let us know how it goes.You'll be ok!
post #39 of 66
I work PT (2.5 days per week) and I love it. I'd have it no other way! The truth is, in contrast to some, I don't feel like I do either 1/2 way.... I feel like I'm a SAHM, and I feel like I'm working and contributing as much as I did when I was full time. It's a wonderful balance and I feel lucky to be so happy with it.
post #40 of 66
OOoooo, the thought of not having to work.... I love what I do, I listen to people all day and share in their thoughts feelings, trials and tribulations, highs and lows. But, I would love to cut my hours to half of what I'm doing now. I work about 26 hours a week. If I could schedule for 20 (I would likely only see about 15 given cancellations and no shows), I would be ecstatic! I would cram the days into three work days and then do lots of fun stuff with dd. Going to museums, playgrounds (weather permitting), hiking at her pace (we'd cover a 100 yards and that'd be it - too much to see!). I would do much more home made food, i.e. bread for sandwiches (we already make most of our food from scratch). Research more about healthy home and bodies (i.e. the no shampoo thing has recently piqued my interest), and get my greenhouse fixed so it was usable (did I say greenhouse, I mean greenshed :LOL - it sounds so grandiose as a greenhouse, when it's teeny tiny) and then focus a ton of attention on my garden. I'm drooling thinking about this! If only we could afford it. I keep thinking positive and hoping though.
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