What if we don't like our new pastor?

[Aquitane]

Our family has been going to the same church for about 6 years. We came right around the time of one pastor's retirement. He was there for about 2 years after we joined. Then we had an interim pastor for almost 4 years while a committee searched for a new full-time permanent pastor.

The new pastor started a few months ago. DH and I are getting the feeling that we don't really jibe with his beliefs. We go to a Christian denomination that differs a lot from church to church depending on the congregation and pastor. We picked this church because it is very open and welcoming to all people. DH and I believe there is no "wrong" religion. We basically think all religions are the "same" just different ways of interpreting, that's all. And if you don't believe in a higher power, god, or whatever, that's your choice too.

This new pastor seems very old school, hell and damnation, NOT open to other views. He also seems one to very much pressure people in to giving lots of $$$ in the collection plate, even though the area we live in has been devastated by the economy. I am a teacher and recently he made some rather disrespectful comments about teachers. (Maybe that is why I am fired up, I don't know.)

We know that it has only been a few months. My question is, how long would you give it? We were thinking a year. Would you leave a church because you didn't like/agree with the church leader? He will have a lot of power in determining the spiritual course of the congregation. He will probably stay a minimum of 10-15 years. I would appreciate any thoughts.

[lilyka]

beyond just loking at the pastor it sounds like the congregation/church leadership/someone put a lot of thought and effort into this guy. if he does not line up with your beliefs you may be in the minority in your church. your whole church from the denominational leaders on down may not really line up with what you are seeking.

have you talked to him personally yet? maybe just sit down and talk to him and ask him what his doctrinal beliefs are. if your church has a doctrinal statement, statement of belief, if your denomination does whatever go through those things with him and see how he interprets them. how do you interpret them. talk to peopl ein the congregation you are close with. how do they feel about him? how do they feel about his theolical leanings? did the church vote on this? was it an open vote? look atr the results. ifr evryone dislikes this guy he may not be around long and it would be sad to leave if this is a temporary thing. however if the whole church is crazy about it and thinks he is brining the change they have been waiting for there may notbe any reason to be hanging around. or anything for you worth hanging arfound for,

[Aquitane]

I agree that they put a lot of time into this. I think the people who are in "power" now at church weren't in power when the previous pastor was chosen. So I think this new pastor is kind of what the people in power now want. Kind of a return to more traditional doctrine.

We weren't able to really get to know him before-hand. The search committee had him come and do the service one Sunday and the vote was after that. How can you really know?

I like the idea about talking with him one on one. That's what we did when we first joined this church. Maybe we need to revisit that in order to feel more confident about worshipping here.

Thanks, so much for your insight. You've given me more to think about.

[Tradd]

Originally Posted by Aquitane

We know that it has only been a few months. My question is, how long would you give it? We were thinking a year. Would you leave a church because you didn't like/agree with the church leader? He will have a lot of power in determining the spiritual course of the congregation. He will probably stay a minimum of 10-15 years. I would appreciate any thoughts.

My situation I'm going to describe isn't quite the same as yours, but there are a few similarities...

I was at a church about 3.5 years before the pastor began treating me pretty disrespectfully - publicly as well as privately (in emails and phone calls). I was pretty invested in this parish, as it's where I converted to Orthodoxy. However, after trying multiple times to talk to him about various things that had happened (he didn't want to hear about "feelings", I just had enough - after giving it about a year. I went to another church where I had already been attending some weekday services since it was so close to my office (I lived in the city and worked in the burbs).

You might want to talk with 1-2 trusted people in your congregation that you know - absolutely - will NOT gossip about it. Talk to them about your concerns. I had several close friends, who don't gossip, who I was able to talk to throughout the last year in previous parish. What was interesting is that as things got worse between me and the priest, these friends started mentioning things that concerned *them." However, they had kids who loved the programs and other things to keep them at the parish I left.

You might also begin to quietly investigate another congregation or two in your area, just to have somewhere to go if things got to the point that you chose to leave your current church. I know in my situation, it was truly a blessing to have another church to begin attending full-time right away, where I already had some friends and knew a good number of people - rather than having to flounder around for weeks or months investigating another church.

[VisionaryMom]

I suppose it depends on the degree of the differences. We've been to 2 denominations (we've never really settled down in terms of searching) with pretty strong congregational control. We went to an Episcopalian church while in college, and it was a very liberal parish. We absolutely loved it, but in the end, enough of the congregation was conservative that the church ended up ousting our priest and requesting a more moderate one.

More recently we joined a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). CC (DOC) is supposed to be theologically liberal in that the church's official position is that they believe in unity in the things we know, which are very few. The official statement (and it's been a while, so this may be slightly off) is "we believe in God. We believe that Jesus is the son of God and we serve him as our risen Lord." That's it. That's all you have to believe to be part of the church.

After about a year, our church had to find a new children's minister. For whatever reason, they hired someone who has been Southern Baptist her entire adult life. She talked a lot about having a heart for missions, and I think that's why they hired her. In reality she started preaching the fundamentalist message of Christ that I grew up with to the children. My son started coming home saying things that we believed were absolutely wrong. Then she started injecting politics into what the children were doing. The killed for me was when she was trying to get people to donate to a crisis pregnancy center (which I don't support), and she sent the children home with baby bottles with notes inside asking for donations. I never went back. That was too far for me.

Sorry to ramble. It still makes me angry. I think the point is that for me, there are clear lines of things I'm not willing to tolerate in a religious space. You'll have to find that line for you and then determine whether it's been crossed. I think sitting down with the minister and talking to him about the specific issues you have in question would be important. (On the teachers comment, I think sometimes it's helpful to remind people that when they're speaking publicly about others, there are likely people in the audience/congregation who fit the description.)

[Aquitane]

Thanks for all of the honest replies.

What makes this hard is that my husband doesn't exactly love/agree with organized religion. He really liked the interim pastor. He actually enjoyed church. So now it's hard to get him to go, let alone the kids. (The Sunday School coordinator has been somewhat lax of late. Sunday school has been abruptly canceled over and over and my kids get disappointed.)

I think I will set up a meeting with the new pastor, and if I don't see the answers I'm looking for, we'll start searching.

[littleplum]

I've been down that road before. If you are that unhappy now, you will probably only get more and more unhappy as time goes on, and it could lead you to really resent this pastor and your church, which really isn't good for you or your church. If it were me, I'd look for another church where I feel I fit better. Probably one that involves the WHOLE congregation in decisions that are as important as picking the person who will lead the worship service every week.

[goldfinches]

Aquitane,
Thank you for meeting with your pastor. As someone very close to a pastor, I see how it hurts to know the congregation is talking among itself about not likeing something you're responsible for. Honestly, each pastor I've know would much rather you go straight to him and tell him what's wrong. Even if it means you're leaving the church, it avoids the pain behind the process. Good luck with your seeking.

btw, in my experience, many husbands who are reluctant to attend may be swayed if offered something like softball, basketball, band, etc. Many churches have extra activities like this. I sense your heart on this, and hope you can find something to encourage him to attend.

[lilyka]

is the interm pastor local? would it be possible to go to whatever church he went on to?

[Aquitane]

No, the interim pastor is not local. He's actually retired himself, but does this because it's his life's work.

Goldfinch - I would NEVER talk to another member of the church about this. If my problem is with a person I talk to them. Also, some of the members are gossips. I would never want something like this to get back to the pastor.

Thanks again!

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by Aquitane

Thanks for all of the honest replies.

What makes this hard is that my husband doesn't exactly love/agree with organized religion. He really liked the interim pastor. He actually enjoyed church. So now it's hard to get him to go, let alone the kids. (The Sunday School coordinator has been somewhat lax of late. Sunday school has been abruptly canceled over and over and my kids get disappointed.)

I think I will set up a meeting with the new pastor, and if I don't see the answers I'm looking for, we'll start searching.

Where is that interim pastor now?

What does your husband want to do?