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I hate my new therapist

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
She's very psychoanalytical - lots of silence in our session, wants me to remember and tell her my dreams. I'm not used to this in therapy. I don't like it, but I feel like my choices are her or no one (my old therapist referred me to her after doing lots of searching). My old therapist doesn't feel competent in the area I need help in.

I feel hopeless and depressed, so much that I want to just quit therapy altogether. I've only seen my new therapist for one 'real' session - the first sessions were basically history taking.
post #2 of 11
finding a good therapist caan be so hard! Can you ask her about her methods and seeif you can understand better how what she wants to do may help. Maybe give it your all for a bit and see if you can get used to her ways. Or maybe she can switch gears. I don't know but if she is really your only option I'd try for a while. Of course,that's very hard to do when you are depressed.
post #3 of 11
yes, finding a good therapist is so, so hard. I'm sorry you're having trouble...I'd bring your dissatisfaction up with her though. Perhaps she can do a little less psychoanalytical and a little more of whatever is your style?
post #4 of 11
Sometimes, all that is needed is to speak up about what you find uncomfortable. Since you are new she has no way of knowing what you like or dislike. By talking about it, you can figure out if it is something that can be changed, or if her style of therapy just isn't a good fit for you. Staying silent will likely guarantee that it stays the same. It might also be that you two are still getting to know one another and the therapy process- sometimes therapy is ackward for a little while. I've seen doctors that I hated at first, but warmed up to after a few sessions, once I got used to them and their techniques.

If you do end up wanting to see a new therapist, there's no reason you can't see someone else. Ask your old therapist if they can think of anyone else to try (it may be she looked for an "expert" in the field, but there are other, if slightly less experienced therapists she would feel comfortable refering you too) You can also search on your own- its possible there are some therapists in your area that your old T either is unaware of, or discounted on criteria unrelated to you and your therapy. You might search to see if your issue has a professional organization dedicated to it, often such organizations keep lists of member therapists and can let ou know who is in your area. Even if there isn't anyone close, you might contact those closest to you and see if they know anyone who is within a reasonable distance to your home for you to see.

Good luck! I might give this new relationship some time to see how it develops, and speak with the new therapist to see if it can be imporved before quitting completely, but certainly don't feel as if she is your only option. -Oubliette
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
After thinking about it some more, and listening to you guys, I've decided to give it a couple more sessions. She knew I was uncomfortable with the silence - I'm hoping that she may be able to sort of meet me halfway, at least in the beginning. She's a psychiatrist who does therapy, and I know this is the only type of therapy she does.

As for looking for another therapist - I may have to. I don't want to. My old therapist did so much calling around. Finding someone who's competent in my area, and who is on my insurance? Rare.

Everything about my new therapist - she's near a friend who can babysit my daughter, she can prescribe meds if needed, she's quick to return calls, my insurance takes her... so many things are great. I think I need to open up myself to doing therapy in a different sort of way.
post #6 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
Everything about my new therapist - she's near a friend who can babysit my daughter, she can prescribe meds if needed, she's quick to return calls, my insurance takes her... so many things are great. I think I need to open up myself to doing therapy in a different sort of way.
These things are important, but unfortunately they alone aren't the things that make good therapy. They all help to support it, but if you don't have a good connection with the therapist, you aren't going to get the results you are seeking. They say that the single most important factor for therapy to be effective is the quality of the relationship between the therapist and you. Sometimes it is worth "giving" in some of those other areas that make therapy more convenient or affordable in order to get what you truly need - although I know that it isn't possible to do that in all situations.
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post
These things are important, but unfortunately they alone aren't the things that make good therapy. They all help to support it, but if you don't have a good connection with the therapist, you aren't going to get the results you are seeking. They say that the single most important factor for therapy to be effective is the quality of the relationship between the therapist and you. Sometimes it is worth "giving" in some of those other areas that make therapy more convenient or affordable in order to get what you truly need - although I know that it isn't possible to do that in all situations.

Excellent points.

How long do you give a therapist before you know it is/is not going to work?
post #8 of 11
I agree with Shantimama, however, I believe some help, even if imperfect, is so much better than no help at all. I'd muddle through at least a couple more sessions, if it were me and see how it goes from there. I'd be sure to bring up these points to your therapist though, you're paying for these sessions after all.
post #9 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
Excellent points.

How long do you give a therapist before you know it is/is not going to work?
I don't know exactly - sorry

I once saw a therapist because I didn't think I had any other options and it wasn't a very good fit. I hung in there for quite awhile but it didn't help as much as it could have.

I saw someone else once and I knew immediately there was no way I was going to be okay working with that person. Her approach to therapy and my needs were not at all compatible, even though she would have been free and was in my neighbourhood.

When I met the most helpful therapist I have ever seen, I knew right away that she was the person I needed to work with. That said, there have been many times that I have dreaded going to therapy and struggled with different aspects of therapy, but that therapist and her particular skills gave me the confidence to hang in there. Therapy can be really hard work but working with the right person at the right time in your life can make all the difference in the world.
post #10 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shantimama View Post
These things are important, but unfortunately they alone aren't the things that make good therapy. They all help to support it, but if you don't have a good connection with the therapist, you aren't going to get the results you are seeking. They say that the single most important factor for therapy to be effective is the quality of the relationship between the therapist and you. Sometimes it is worth "giving" in some of those other areas that make therapy more convenient or affordable in order to get what you truly need - although I know that it isn't possible to do that in all situations.
I couldn't agree more!
post #11 of 11
I started seeing a good psychologist this last winter, but when I started to see her I told her my background with therapy, and what I liked and didn't like/what I felt worked and didn't work. And what my goals were for therapy. Granted it did take going to a bad therapist for me to have a better idea of what I needed/wanted in a therepist. I still have some trust issues with my new psychologist, but am slowly getting over them. This is always an issue with me though. I worry too much about being judged.

Anyway, I am now seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist, AODA counselor (only because I've been seeing her for years and I love her, and she's a great resource for other things), and a couples counselor with my DP. Sometimes it's too much therapy, but I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere when it comes to my mental health. I'm not saying you need 4 different therapists. I'm just saying therapy can, and usually is, a long hard road.

I think you should express your concerns to this psychiatrist. I've found the more candid and open you are about that you're looking for, and need, the better they are at helping you. If that makes sense. Good luck. A good therapist, that is exactly what you're looking for, can be hard to come by in 1 person. I think that's why I have 4 of them , they all help me with separate things, but all seem to work together somehow.
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