3yo Grabbing/hitting/kicking/squeezing (my) Breasts

[Carley]

"I have had it" so many times I don't even know what I've had. My kid has got me FURIOUS.

She's always (naturally) had a boob thing, but the boob thing evolved into boob abuse & has grown increasingly more frequent and violent.

It's not like a "I'm angry I hit you" thing & I've successfully curbed the "I love you I fondle your boobies" thing with natural consequences.

No - this is an "OMG I'm so EXCITED I SQUEEZE YOUR BOOBS" and "OH I JUST LOVE YOU I SQUEEZE YOUR BOOBS" or "I'm having SO much fun I KICK YOUR BOOBS!" or "Random act of boob violence"

It's so completely random - ANY feeling she has is acted out via boob maulage. I'm pregnant now (no, she does not know) & the last time she did it I totally backhanded her, completely involuntarily, but horribly - it felt GOOD! I'm a horrible mom, I know, but MAN!

This kid and her boob abuse is making me SO mad and my boobs HURT!

Any ideas? I feel like we've hit a wall here. I have tried EVERYTHING I have thought of or heard of. I currently have every book ever recommended on Mothering out from the library in my living room. The poor Seattle area will be at a loss if they try to check out any parenting books, let me tell you what.

Anything?

[DanAbimytwomiracle]

What situations doe sit usually happen in - as in, how often is she close enoguh to your boobs to hurt them? Sometimes, as annoying as it is - the solution is to avoid the trigger (sitting down, picking her up, etc.)

[Carley]

Though I've considered/fantasized surrounding myself with an impenetrable toddler barrier and forgoing all contact with her via an overnight move to an exotic location, realistically that's not an option.

Anyone else?

[fritz]

Layer up on the sports bras. Seriously. Not sure of your size, but for me, it'd take at least two layers of snug fitting bras to mostly eliminate the jiggle. Won't do much for kick protection, but random attempts to squeeze them will be seriously thwarted enough for you to get your hands up to block her and get her off you/out of arm's reach.

In college I took fencing. The instructor provided metal breast guards for all the females (felt like a valkyrie wearing them--I slipped them in between my bottom bra and top sports bra). Maybe check out your local sporting goods stores to see if they carry/can order them?

In the meantime, I'd try to be very consistent, and tell/remind your DD every time she's near you/within reach of your breasts either, "Gentle touches for the breasts," or "Leave my breasts alone," depending on whether you're willing to permit gentle touches or if you want zero contact (which is what I'd be insisting on if it were me). And every time she's not gentle with your breasts, tell her that you don't like what she's doing and move away (to another room if necessary). It's a natural consequence of hurting someone...they don't want to be close to you until you calm down and stop hurting them.

Is she still nursing? That might make it a bit more complicated.

The other thing to do is tell her how much you love to get hugs and kisses (assuming you do), and show her how to gently hug and kiss you. Then, when she does that, gush about how great it feels (physically and emotionally). Positive reinforcement combined with substituting alternate behavior.

Put on puppet shows (stuffed animals, sock puppets, finger puppets, whatever) about two separate characters (not you and your DD) who have breast issues and resolve them peacefully. Or who just love to hug and kiss to show affection. Or who jump up and down when excited. Point it out when you're in public and you see people being gently affectionate or excited, or whatever her overwhelming, not-sure-of-what-other-way-to-express-it emotions are. Expose her to different examples of it, talk about it (but not tons of words all the time--keep it simple), live it.

Good luck!

[Carley]

Originally Posted by fritz

Layer up on the sports bras...metal breast guards

These are BRILLIANT suggestions. Thank you SO much!!!!!!!!!!


I do the reminders and natural consequences, and although I know parenting is a process I was feeling like I was definitely getting the short end of the stick. It wasn't preventing anything, just reliably occuring... you know?

She is NOT nursing - she definitely went through the wanting to fondle "like a baby" stage (which I'm sure she will revert to when this one is born), but the natural consequences seemed to make an impact sooner - possibly because the desire there was to snuggle.

I love the puppet show idea - we tell stories before nap time & weave in things we're going through, but giving her a mommy character and me the boob-bashing toddler character might really make a difference!

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!

[ErikaG]

If she's not nursing, perhaps this is a good time to introduce the idea of personal boundaries/personal space-in other words "That's a part of the body we don't touch on other people without asking if it's okay."

[zech13_9_goforgold]

Is this new since the pregnancy started showing?

I think the "armor" is a great idea. You can do all the other things externally, while keeping her from actually hurting you while she's learning.

[Carley]

Originally Posted by ErikaG

If she's not nursing, perhaps this is a good time to introduce the idea of personal boundaries/personal space-in other words "That's a part of the body we don't touch on other people without asking if it's okay."

Unfortunately that idea has already been introduced, which is what makes this even more fustrating for me. I've never wanted to smack my kid right in the face before, but this business has me furious! It is ONLY me. She does not do this with anyone else AND knows why she doesn't! Ugh!


In other news - the sports bra is AWESOME. What a fantastic/brilliant suggestion! It's not like my A/B cup ladies were flying all over the place before, but now that they lay perfectly flat against my chest there is NO attraction - no handles no punching bags no nothing! FANTASTIC!!!! :

We're still working on the roughness... she is really physical in expressing herself around me (not other people! Funny, huh?), but it is MUCH easier for me to stay cool when she's pulling on my leg not my BREAST.

I forgot to weave in the puppet show though!!! Ugh! That is such a great idea! I can't wait to switch roles with her... mwahaha....

[fritz]

I'm so glad the sports bra is working its magic for you =).

[chfriend]

Consider reading "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" and increasing her sensory diet.