What my family eats alienates me as a mom

[Cristiaz]

We are a whole organic foods family paving our way into TF. I'm learning about soaking, sprouting, fermenting, etc. Anyway, I've always had a harder time finding female friends and now that I'm a Mom, and a picky Mom as far as the food my daughter is exposed too, its even worse. I moved here about 5 years ago and I've met one friend who I got really close with. She had a baby too but she works a lot and lives on the other end of town so we hardly see eachother anymore or talk for that matter. I've tried meeting other Mom's I was led to believe were like minded but then they'd come over with processed junk foods to feed their baby and I'd have to try REAL hard to not let my daughter eat any of it. (By the way, I'm celiac so I've kept gluten away from her as well to prevent celiac if possible, so that makes it harder) I'm dead set on her eating a certain way and I don't want friendships/other kids to jeopardize that just yet. She starts Waldorf in the fall and that school does not allow processed foods or sugar, yay!

My question is... have any of you dealt with this as well? What did you do? Or are you lucky to have like minded friends? I'm a SAHM aside from one day a week so I'm home all the time with her. It'd be nice to be able to share my passion about life giving foods with another mother.

[Althetrainer]

Delimma

I too try to get my son eat healthy food. But I am not as strict as you are. I find it very difficult as the kid gets older because I like it or not he will be exposed to different things.

When I get together with other moms, I always suggest bringing our own food. After a while they know what we eat and they don't even expect us to eat the same thing as they do. Just explain to them that you and your daughter have a medical condition that requires you to eat a certain type of food. I am sure people will understand.

My son never knew such a thing as white bread until he went to have a play date with his friends. He had never touched a chocolate or candy bar until he was 5 years old. I kept him sheltered but unfortunately when he started school I just couldn't be there to watch him all the time. I had to learn how to relax and allow him to make the right decision for himself.

My only defense is to teach my son at home so he knows what type of food he should eat. When he goes to birthday parties he still eats pizza and a bit of birthday cake but he doesn't over do it. He doesn't drink any of that juice box provided at parties because he knows it's not good for him.

My son is 7.5 years old now and he prefers my homemade food over store bought. At his 7th birthday he asked for a veggie tray to go with the birthday cake. Some moms thought it was "interesting" but I am sure they secretly wished that their kids would ask for the same thing. We still have play dates and social functions with his friends and their families and I don't feel isolated. People have learned this is just the way we are and our practice doesn't make us aliens. For those people who cannot appreciate the fact that we are all different, I don't care if they want to associate with us. It's their loss. Just my two cents.

[lil_earthmomma]

it can be so hard to be "different".

My best tactic is to host everything! I love to cook and bake and feed people, so no one complains after one visit, and they come beggin' for more!

Wow people with your delicious real food and they will be like putty in your hands.

Also, I agree with the pp about telling people about your celiac concerns. I don't have that type of concern in my life, so I don't worry if ds eats a goldfish or gets a cup of fruit punch (ew) because those are not the foods he eats everyday. They are once in a while crap non foods.

I used to have to beat people off of my ds's before they were on solids though. : I don't know how many times people would try to shove crap in my baby's mouth!

[velcromom]

My best tactic was to find other local MDC moms! From there I met other like-minded women and have found some friends who "get" the way I like to feed my family. We aren't strict TF but still enough to really feel completely different from the families who are giving their toddlers colored goldfish and soda.

[crunchy_mama]

I have found like-minded moms for one thing. However, when they are not like-minded- I do give in to some things and we bring a lot of food. I don't make commentary about our choices or others though unless asked specifically(I remember other moms at co-op making fun of a lady for saying how bad hotdogs were). Also we are df/gf so people don't expect us to be eating their stuff and if it is really bad I just tell the kids no. Somtimes it is just a no- if they ask- I just tell them sorry you cannot eat it and leave it at that. the kids generally know that they cannot eat food that others bring unless I approve it first so that helps.

[greenmom4]

Mostly, I'm pretty relaxed. We eat at home about 97% of the time, where I can control our food and everyone is happy to eat it.

For the other times, I usually pack snacks/lunch whatever with me. And if we're meeting friends I bring enough to share - honestly, our food looks a million time better than what other people have in their house. And I'm not opposed to "other" food occasionally. My kids don't crave it (usually don't even like it) and I don't want them to feel deprived so that they rebel against it later on.

[amcal]

Oh Mama I'm in Mesa - wish we were closer together - it really is so much easier to have like minded friends.

My best friend is vegetarian and we're not. But, we're great with eating veggie when we're together. We love trying new recipes together and it's a great bonding experience to meet in one of our kitchens while the kids play and talk and cook together.

I don't think you have to have like minded friends as long as you have open minded friends.

[JustVanessa]

Originally Posted by greenmom4

Mostly, I'm pretty relaxed. We eat at home about 97% of the time, where I can control our food and everyone is happy to eat it.

For the other times, I usually pack snacks/lunch whatever with me. And if we're meeting friends I bring enough to share - honestly, our food looks a million time better than what other people have in their house. And I'm not opposed to "other" food occasionally. My kids don't crave it (usually don't even like it) and I don't want them to feel deprived so that they rebel against it later on.

This is exactly what I was going to post. Bring enough to share.

[Cristiaz]

Thanks everyone! I do feel better! My daughter is almost 3 and I'd like to keep her diet as clean as possible while I can control it. We have some family members that say we shelter her when I see it more as spoiling. Grass fed steak, raw cheese, home made gluten free sugar free cookies, muffins, soups, pancakes, all home made and yummier than any boxed or canned stuff!!! Sheltered? I think not!

So I do pack food everywhere we go. Right now I have no playdates so I'm not worried about that but I'll take the advice given for when that happens.

One funny story...at a recent 1st bday party for my friends daughter...she made gluten free sugar free cupcakes but all the food served was catered (lasagna and some other pasta dish) so we couldn't eat that. My daughter loves to eat so I was nervous for her notice everyone else eating and want some of it...then I'd have to say no and it could cause a scene. Well, she noticed, came over to me and said she was hungry, meanwhile looking at the other peoples plates with curiousity. She asked for the fruit I brought with and didn't even want what the others were eating. I honestly think it was because the food didn't look anything like anything she's ever had. I wasn't forewarned about the food situation so I had no way to prepare for it.

One thing I want to add....maybe you all will agree. Aside from processed foods, artificial flavors and colors being so bad for children, one main reason I don't want her to have it is because I don't want to support food companies who do not care about the health of our children and only the almighty dollar. Companies like Kraft make mac and cheese "natural" for countries like Europe where that stuff is banned...but our kids, their mac and cheese has yellow 5!!!

[Ruthla]

I can see why you're still so protective of her foods, if she's not even 3 yet. She's just venturing out of "babyhood" (when it's appropriate to be the only one to feed her) and venturing into "childhood" (when she has many people in her life and is exposed to new foods from some of them.)

You obviously need to be strict about the gluten, but I'd ease up on small amounts of "junk food" such as potato chips or pre-packaged gluten-free cookies. You're pretty much shielded from the worst of the junk when you need to stay gluten free (except for some candies that are naturally gluten free yet still toxic.)

I met a friend for lunch at Whole Foods today- she bought everything for her crew, but I packed most of our meal and just bought a few things to round it out. I "cheated" on my healthy eating plan with some sweet potato chips (cooked in IMO nasty vegetable oil) and coconut milk ice cream bars. Last week they came to our house, and I made homemade pizza (rice flour crust) and they said it was the tastiest pizza they've had since they stopped eating gluten! So I've done a combination of "sharing our goodies" and "having the occasional treats while out with friends."

[Sailor]

I think it's going to be really hard for you to control, 100%, what your dd eats as she gets older. It's pretty much impossible once she's at that age where she's going over to friend's houses, without having you there.

I think the gluten free makes sense, and you could definitely avoid that. But, I think some things you could ease up on - eventually. It's OK if she has the occasional pre-packaged gluten free cookie or a potato chip at a party. It really won't set her back nutritionally! And as long as you don't buy the potato chip - you're not supporting said companies. I won't buy that stuff either because I don't want my money going to those companies, but I'll sample it at parties.

I eat a very healthy diet ... but, I don't stress out when I have something outside of it. If you eat healthy 98% of the time - those 2% (gluten free for you) instances aren't going to matter.

She's only 3 now ... so it's appropriate for you to make the food choices. But, pretty soon, you won't be doing 100% of the choosing. So, I'd just relax a little as it will become frustrating for you otherwise!

[snowbunny]

Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma

My best tactic is to host everything! I love to cook and bake and feed people, so no one complains after one visit, and they come beggin' for more!

Wow people with your delicious real food and they will be like putty in your hands.

That is exactly my tactic too. I'm a darn good cook so I host everything and tell them that it's whole, organic food and why the milk is raw and why much of the food is fermented. The fact that the food tastes so good speaks for itself.

When we visit other homes, we offer to bring foods that really scare me if they were conventional (i.e. meat for a BBQ / ice cream etc).

[chaoticzenmom]

I love to learn from my friends and I hope that my friends love to learn from me. If I had people avoid me or I avoided others for what I feed/don't feed my kids, I would have missed out on so much. It's a give and take. I've been teaching a friend about Kombucha and Nourishing traditions stuff and she's been teaching me about frugal eating and self-sufficiency. We're having a lot of fun. I had a friend who taught me how to get my kids to eat all kinds of healthy stuff I never thought they'd eat. I have another friend who is always experimenting with different types of eating and we have a lot of fun talking about what's working/not working, what's fun and tastes good. I wouldn't want a friend who had such concrete ideas about food that they judge their friends. There's a lot more to being "like-minded" than food. You never know what you could learn and sometime, you'll be surprised to learn you're wrong about certain foods.

What I get from your post is that you have nothing to learn from these people and if they can't eat like you do, then you have no use for them. You're alienating yourself.

You cannot judge a person's friend potential based on one aspect. You're missing out on so much.
Lisa

[Laniemama]

I started a babywearing group in my area about 3 years ago. I met a lot of "crunchy" mom's and now have a ton of like minded mama friends. Even if they aren't totally TF, they are usually against processed foods. The group has evolved to a natural parents group now, instead of just babywearing. If you search, I'm sure you'll find some great mama's in your area!

[Cristiaz]

More great replies from all of you and I appreciate it so much. I think I do alieninate myself, that's true. I should of clarified too cuz she has had a potato chip every so often and other not completely threatening processed food. So I'm strict, but not over the top. And I do agree that I have given her such a strong foundation that deviating from it once in a while isn't the end of the world. It's amazing I'm still alive after what I ate growing up!!! I WAS sick ALL the time though. Not too fun. I want her to get the most out of life.

As far as friends go...what happened was when we got pregnant, everyone stopped calling us. We'd call sometimes....they'd call sometimes...but over time it fazed out completely. If we want to hang out with our old friends we have to go to the bar and we are not in that place anymore. So, aside from the one girl I've been friends with for a long time, thats it. I have lurked through the Tribal Areas and there is a play group but I'm not sure about it yet.

I AM to picky! And in a perfect world, more people would be aware of the perils of the grocery store. More people would connect the dots (health problems/food). Since it's not that way, I have to somehow except it.

For right now, I'm hoping to meet like minded parents at the Waldorf she'll be attending in 4 weeks. The school has an organic farm on it and we bought a share which means we get local organic produce all fall/winter/spring! It sounds like a great school.

[dogmom327]

Originally Posted by snowbunny

That is exactly my tactic too. I'm a darn good cook so I host everything and tell them that it's whole, organic food and why the milk is raw and why much of the food is fermented. The fact that the food tastes so good speaks for itself.

Same here. I'm getting really good at hosting and making crazy good food

[chaoticzenmom]

It's good to be picky....just not nitpicky. It might help when she gets older too. Just be open to people, for example, if you click with a great mom at Waldorf and she opens up a can of soda, don't dismiss her. You might explain why you don't drink sodas (they leach calcium from your body..bla bla bla) and maybe she'll be interested. If overall, her parenting philosophies match yours, you'll be happier being her friend and teasing her about her Dr. Pepper addiction than just hanging out by yourself with your diet.

I understand wanting to be around like-minded moms though. It's one reason that I was so unhappy when we moved overseas. I was too much of an oddity and couldn't get comfortable. I was bombarded with parenting advice that was contradictory to how I felt. It was depressing, like a cloud over me.

Becoming a mom is such a change, it's comparable to moving overseas and starting over, especially if you're the first and are losing your old friends. It gets better, but you really have to accept more differences than you did before kids. Friendships with mothers are completely different than your old friendships pre-children (as I'm sure you've noticed by now.)

[Ruthla]

It's normal for friends to drift apart when one of them becomes a parent and the others are still baby-free. You're just in different places in your lives, and you need to make new "mommy friends." I had my first at 22, and I had WAY more in common with 30 year olds with babies than I had with any of my single peers! I've reconnected with some of my old friends now that they're parents too- many of them have kids around the age of my youngest.

[swd12422]

I'm with you. Well, not quite sprouting and fermenting, but I get it. All my friends think I'm weird for not letting DS have Goldfish, esp the multi-colored ones. I just don't think he needs all that junk yet. We try to eat healthy as a family, but we're far from perfect. Then when I see my friends giving their 2-year-olds GatorAde and donuts for breakfast (regularly, not an "emergency" thing), I figure I'm doing okay!

Check out the Finding Your Tribe section here and see if there are any moms in your area. That might help a bit...

[Cristiaz]

Originally Posted by swd12422

I'm with you. Well, not quite sprouting and fermenting, but I get it. All my friends think I'm weird for not letting DS have Goldfish, esp the multi-colored ones. I just don't think he needs all that junk yet. We try to eat healthy as a family, but we're far from perfect. Then when I see my friends giving their 2-year-olds GatorAde and donuts for breakfast (regularly, not an "emergency" thing), I figure I'm doing okay!

Check out the Finding Your Tribe section here and see if there are any moms in your area. That might help a bit...

The sprouting and fermenting thing I'm learning about but haven't done yet. I'm looking forward to doing it though. I have a sprouting jar. I've gotten pickled veggies at the Farmers Market and I'm saving the jars for when I do it myself. I'm still reading and learning,which is always fun.