Ever feel like you didn't know what you were getting into? - Page 2

[happy2bamama]

Originally Posted by principii

I came on here, tonight, too, to gripe and moan and complain about this very issue: I felt it's NOT FAIR DH gets to "be himself" during the day, come home, veg a bit, eat dinner.

Never a word of thanks, how ya doin', it seems. Of course I'm focusing on all the negatives here, as that's the kind of week it's been.

But this whole thread really helped me, so much. The 20-years-in-5 should be a book title! It's that apropos!!

Thank you, mamas, yet again: it's wonderful to know I'm not alone, and it's even more lovelier to know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel... indeed, I do forget quite often, that she'll start talking, pottying, snacking, reading, all on her own one day!! Living in the moment has it's downside, eh?

Whew. What a load off, reading this thread!
*Hugs to all*
Lindsey

So true about the downside of living in the moment. I fall into this wonderful trap a lot and sometimes I can't even see a month in advance - all I know is that tomorrow I have to figure out three meals for all of us, yet again!

[agoldenlife]

Originally Posted by principii

I came on here, tonight, too, to gripe and moan and complain about this very issue:

But this whole thread really helped me, so much. The 20-years-in-5 should be a book title! It's that apropos!!

Thank you, mamas, yet again: it's wonderful to know I'm not alone, and it's even more lovelier to know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel... indeed, I do forget quite often, that she'll start talking, pottying, snacking, reading, all on her own one day!! Living in the moment has it's downside, eh?



Whew. What a load off, reading this thread!
*Hugs to all*

I am SO GLAD I found this thread!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, I really needed to read all of the previous posts.
It was perfect timing as I have been wondering what the heck is wrong with me lately and what exactly might I be lacking in my life right now. I've been feeling such a void recently.
Life as a SAHM to a 9mo dd is hard, super hard and sometimes beyond hard.
And yet, (well, most of the time) I also know that for now, especially with the help from the optimistic reminders from all the previous posts, that this is all so temporary.
As I've just read on another thread recently: "the days are long, the years are short"

[happy2bamama]

Originally Posted by agoldenlife

I am SO GLAD I found this thread!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, I really needed to read all of the previous posts.
It was perfect timing as I have been wondering what the heck is wrong with me lately and what exactly might I be lacking in my life right now. I've been feeling such a void recently.
Life as a SAHM to a 9mo dd is hard, super hard and sometimes beyond hard.
And yet, (well, most of the time) I also know that for now, especially with the help from the optimistic reminders from all the previous posts, that this is all so temporary.
As I've just read on another thread recently: "the days are long, the years are short"

Wow - this is thread from a while ago! My DS is now 3.5 year old and yes, things are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier. Of course, each age has it's obstacles, but in terms of having some time to myself and DS being able to entertain himself, it's a whole different thing. I still struggle with dinner, laundry, the business I run, etc. But it is definitely easier Hang in there!!

[rosinthebow]

I think something that is really helpful and probably really important is trying to find a way to fit into your routine a chunk of time where you do something for yourself, something that is an interest of yours. And believe me I know this can be hard to do. For example, though, if you can find a way to go to a yoga class one evening a week and let dh watch the little one, or maybe there is a gym or YMCA in your area that has childcare and you can exercise a couple times a week, because not only does fitting in time to do something for myself make me feel so much better but so does exercise.

Also, as much as I love to pay attention to my little ones, 3 yo and 1 yo, and believe me they demand a lot of it, I read some recent threads about balancing house work with play time I was really inspired to believe that, although sometimes it feels like they require constant attention, its important for them to see us doing other things, and I have taken this to heart by not feeling guilty about sitting down when I get a chance to and working on a project that I want to do for me, either sewing something or whatever, and just hoping they will play on their own peacefully. Of course, sometimes they just end up climbing all over me and I will have to give it up for the moment. And also, this can mean letting other things go for the moment, like dishes or laundry. But I think it is important because it gives you a sense of satisfaction and autonomy and you get to do something besides just looking after everyone else's needs. I find that I am much better at looking after everyone and everything else when I also feel the satisfaction of doing something for myself.

[Picard]

I totally identify with this post and many of the reactions to it. I too find it difficult sometimes and just today mentioned to DH that he gets to go out and be away from the home front, even if it is to work. I too have been at home, without outside support (our families live elsewhere and our friends already had kids or are hardcore single folk). So, it's been tough. I haven't even shopped for clothes for over a year and half ago! Haircut: still waiting for DH to have some time off so that I can go.

I keep fantasizing about going on holidays, or traveling (like I used to do). And DH keeps telling that I can go right ahead and do this, but it wouldn't be on my own account (money), and I would have to do it all by myself, because DH can't join. So, often I feel like my orbit has shrunk. I reminisce about how I would just up and go and see a movie, or move. A friend came over the other day and suggested that we all move to a place in South-America. And I was exited, until I realized the logistics involved now with a kid.

I keep having inner conversations about needing to make a career, after all I went to university and invested so much of myself in my studies. But, I am not anywhere near even considering how I would go about this. I know that I couldn't hack being a mom and a career person at the same time. I just don't have the energy or the inclination at this point in time.

Truth is that it doesn't make financial sense to be away from DS. It would also kill me with guilt. I have strong principles and want to raise DS in a certain way. We are even considering educating him ourselves.

I try, try, try to live in the moment. I take DS to places around here that I like. I try to connect with other moms although that seems pretty difficult for some reason (everybody just seems to be on their own schedule). And, I know that this is a very precious time and I just don't want to miss a minute of it. I love being here to capture DS's firsts and wouldn't miss it for the world. I chose to be a mom and that comes IMO with a responsibility to be there for him -- and I am grateful that my mom did the same for me during the first years of my life.

[berry987]

Great, honest post. I've had these same revelations since starting parenting 5 years ago (I now have three sons - 5, 3 and 1). I remember getting pregnant with our first and thinking of everything as "how OUR lives will change" as we go on this great parenting adventure. And sure, beyond a doubt, my DHs life has changed with kids. He is super-responsible now, does a lot around the house to keep the "machine" humming, gets very little sleep right along with me, takes a kid or two with him just about everywhere he goes on the weekend, etc. But, my life? Wow - couldn't be more different. In many ways I am so glad for the change (what did I DO with all my time before kids??) because I love them with every ounce of myself and I wouldn't want to miss any of it. But, I definitely didn't realize before kids how much a woman's life changes when she has kids....especially women who SAH. I am so defined now as a mom. And, yes, the "home management" stuff can be overwhelming sometimes, especially since the more kids you have, the more juggling/lists/planning is needed.

For me, I've decided to just throw myself into it, embrace the change. Because I don't want to fight it and struggle - I DO love staying at home with my kids and I wouldn't change it.

So this is my life now and I will love it and cherish it because it will be gone one day. These kids with their incessant questions and needs will one day be independent and not need me as much and I'll miss it. And when that happens, I'll get back to relaxing in my free time, pursuing a career, etc.

As for how anyone has a second child? Well, I got pregnant with my 2nd when my 1st was 11 months old...so in some ways I just dove in. With each passing stage, though, I see that the whole "this too shall pass" mantra is true. The rough stages don't last forever and they are followed by wonderful, joyous stages.

[crunchy_mommy]

I could have written your exact post! And lately I find myself getting mad at DH even though I know he is trying hard to help out etc. but he just doesn't get it (and never will, it must be a mom thing). And we desperately want more kids, and close in age, but I'm so overwhelmed with just this one that I'm terrified at the thought of getting pregnant. So many contradictory feelings... anyway, no, you're not alone in feeling like this! Sometimes I feel like other moms just have it so much more together and I'm a train wreck, and I definitely should've been a WOHM but like you, I couldn't, the guilt would eat me alive, and I love being with DS except that sometimes it's just SO HARD. My DS is very high-needs to, that certainly doesn't help!!! Some nights when I'm just at the end of the rope I tell DH I just want to quit being a mom (not that I really mean it but I feel so locked in, I can't "change jobs" or "take a break" etc.) and DS only wants mommy so it's hard for mommy to ever catch a break!!!