Buddhist etiquette question

[lolar2]

We have an altar table from China which looks sort of like <A href="http://www.easterncurio.com/easten%20curio/Afurniture/ItemForOn-Selling/A1S0701%20Reproduction%20Altar%20Table.htm">this</a> but red and some different designs-- but anyway, it is a Buddhist altar table. We're trying to figure out where in the house to put it. I remember a woman from Taiwan said that altars weren't supposed to be too close to a married couple's bedroom, but I don't know if there are other standards for where to put it. We're UU not Buddhist but don't want to be disrespectful.... But also, does it make a difference if we're using it as something other than an altar? Or would that be wrong? Any information would be great.

Also we have some silk prayer scarves from Tibet and would like to know whatever you can tell me about what one should do with them. Some monks gave them to a friend who had a lot of business with Tibetan monks, and he ended up with so many of them that he gave them to all his friends, that's how we have them.

[smeisnotapirate]

Not sure about the altar, but I have Tibetan prayer flags hanging across windows in my home. They're lovely, and since they're made to flap in the wind, I felt best about having them there.

ETA: This site has some prayer flag etiquette.

[BookGoddess]

Perhaps the answer depends on the sect. My family practices Theravada Buddhism. The altars are usually in a clean high place but I don't think bedrooms are specifically prohibited. I don't recall anyone having their altar in a bedroom though. My grandmother had her Buddhist altar in a spare room. My uncle has his attached to his living room wall. I had another relative who set up his altar in the library/study. I think the whole point is respect and if you are using this alter table respectfully then you should be fine. My two cents.

[lolar2]

Thanks!

They're scarves, not flags-- the monks wear them around their shoulders and give them to people.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by BookGoddess

I think the whole point is respect and if you are using this alter table respectfully then you should be fine.

But what is and isn't respectful? I don't want to be accidentally disrespectful.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Thanks!

They're scarves, not flags-- the monks wear them around their shoulders and give them to people.

Ah, ok. The Tibetan kata scarf. The scarves are commonly given as a sign of goodwill by Tibetan monks. As long as you display it somewhere where it's pleasing to look at, you won't accidentally offend anyone. There are no real rules about those because they're commonly given away.

[lolar2]

Thank you!

[kangamitroo]

from OTR Himalayan Crafts:
"Silk prayer scarves may be draped over Buddhas, mirrors, photos of loved ones and doorways to extend their blessing."
i would add that draping it over your altar, creating a kind of visual doorway on the wall above, could be suitable.

as for using the altar, if you are not actually going to use it for prayer and offerings, i would say treat it as if you were going to do so. it would be appropriate to put any images of the buddha (or deities, if you have such images) on the altar. a candle, or photos of ancestors. items that are sacred to you in some way. let the altar be a reminder to yourself of your own spiritual path and intentions.

enjoy your special new treasures!

[kangamitroo]

this is more info than you need, but if you are interested in Tibetan Buddhist use of altars here is one description.

maybe you'll find some inspiration?

[BookGoddess]

Originally Posted by lolar2

But what is and isn't respectful? I don't want to be accidentally disrespectful.

It's your intent that matters.

If you're doing something with the mindset of being disrespectful then there's karmic effect (if you believe in Buddhism like I do) but if you do something accidentally disrespectful without any mind set of being disrespectful then you should be fine because your intent wasn't to insult anyone's beliefs.

[springwmyn]

Our Mahayana/Vajrayana (Tibetan) Buddhist teacher also said not to put the meditation altar in the bedroom, but we never found out exactly why. My hunch was to keep the spaces separate in order to preserve the intentions of each space, which fulfill different functions (like not watching TV in bed for better sleep).

[zoebird]

it's so funny because when i first started practicing buddhism as a teen, my only space for an altar was my room, as it was my only "private space" and not relaly mine. the monks encouraged us to have our own altars, but also not to upset our families.

i grew up in a catholic household; but where we lived was the bible belt. a lot of the teens in my classes were learning about buddhism "in secret." the monks knew this to be true, while they asserted that we should be open and honest, they alsso recognized how much being buddhist would upset most of the kid's parents.

so, their recommendation was to bassically "not be buddhist" in any outward way, and that if we had an altar, it should be a wooden box with a lock with our things in it that we would only take out while meditating and only if our rooms were locked as not to upset the whole household.

strange thing, that.

so, i've always had my altar in my bedroom. LOL of course, nwo it's in my yoga room, but when we downsize again, the yoga/altar space will be in the bedroom again.