Worried about circ w/o our consent

[vachi73]

Hello there,

We are expecting twins in December, unknown genders (on purpose - I want to be surprised!) Our first two sons are intact and (IMHO) gorgeous Modest mommy, ha ha.

Anyway - if one or both of these babies is/are male, we do not want them circ'd, either. My OB knows this, our ped knows this, etc. I will stick "NO CIRC" stickies on the bassinettes, too.

However, typical mama-bear here -- I am concerned that, because there are two of them, and because they have to be born in a hospital and prob by C-S(I'm totally high-risk, with a partial placenta previa and a huge hemorrahge already ... don't ask), and because they're likely to be early, they may not be "rooming in" like our singletons did, and could be in the NICU. Therefore, they will be out of our control more of the time we are in the hospital.

This makes me totally anxious - what if they circ one/both without our consent?! OMG - that would put me over the edge, for sure. I would totally lose it. And sue the hospital mercilessly, no joke. But that would not change the reality for our son(s) who were cosmetically altered against our wishes.

Has this happened to anyone?? What, if anything, can I do to reduce the risk of this? If they're in the NICU, what else can I do, since I won't be with them 24/7?

(FWIW, if you think I am being overly neurotic, it's OK to say so - I can take it!! I'm on bedrest, have been since 12.5 weeks along, so I have a lot of time on my hands to obsess about every conceivable scenario, LOL.)

TIA for any thoughts, advice, or recommendations to chill out. - Ginny

[Contented73]

Could you have a conversation ahead of time with the charge nurses in the NICU where you will be delivering? Ask detailed questions about the possibility of un-consented circ occurring - maybe also get some stats of how common circ is (if it is really common, it might mean there is a greater chance of it happening, etc.). It might either help put your mind at ease, or help you come up with ideas to prevent anything awful from happening.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

With all the precautions you are taking the risk goes way down that this would happen. Usually circ happens the day they go home so up until then you are sorta in the safe zone as it where.

I would put something on their isolette as well if they are in one.

[KweenKrunch]

Performing genital modification surgery on infants without their parents consent would leave the hospital open to a huge amount of liability.

And most allopaths will not perform a genital mod. on a baby in the NICU.

I'm sorry you are having such a complicated pregnancy. Just remember, even if the birth doesn't turn out the way you hope, you can always rebirth at some point to realign the babies. Think positive!

Best of luck to you!

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by KweenKrunch

And most allopaths will not perform a genital mod. on a baby in the NICU.

It happens every day in every hospital in the US in the NICU...as a PP stated usually on the day or day before they go home.

I would write in sharpie across his/their belly "if you touch my penis my mom will sue"

[knitted_in_the_wom]

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

I would write in sharpie across his/their belly "if you touch my penis my mom will sue"

LOL! That is funny!

But seriously, I think I would go with the "catch more flies with honey with vinegar" approach, and write something like "I think my penis is perfect the way it is, so I'm taking it all home with me!"

Jenn

[perspective]

Originally Posted by knitted_in_the_wom

LOL! That is funny!

But seriously, I think I would go with the "catch more flies with honey with vinegar" approach, and write something like "I think my penis is perfect the way it is, so I'm taking it all home with me!"

Jenn

Well the point is to make a clear message NOT to circumcise her boys. She is not trying to change the minds of nurses by writing friendly messages on her childrens stomachs.

[BugMacGee]

We don't have a high circ rate in our hospital. BUt there is NO WAY!!! a doc would touch them without every "i" dotted and "t" crossed on that consent. And they personally have to discuss the procedure with the parents before. There are a lot of hoops to jump through to get it done.

I did, however, hear from one of the peds that once a dad had sneakily signed the consent against the wishes of his wife. But bottom line, a consent WAS signed.

[PuppyFluffer]

totally unrelated but someone i know recently spent two nights and three days in a hospital with her child and the staff did not obtain a signed consent form. So, don't be so certain that they check the consent issue. (to be fair, the kid was in for observation only and no invasive procedures were done...but still, no signed consent was obtained.)

I think concern is warrented but once you have discussed it ahead of time with ALL of the staff and are CERTAIN it's in your record, you should be good. Stickers on the isolettets, writing on diapers....it all sounds reasonable to me.

[wombatclay]

The hospital I'm using this time doesn't have a huge circ rate, but EVERY staff person I've spoken with (from OBs right through to receptionists) has commented that if I don't want it done, I'd better remind each and every person who will be in contact with the babe, put a note on his clothing and in his bassinet if for some reason I need to put him down, have my refusal added to his chart, etc. So I'm getting the feeling that they may not always have "signed consent form in hand", you know?

I agree that speaking with the whole birth team and post partum NICU team (if necessary) is a good idea, and with stickers and a bassinet note for each babe you should have some additional wiggle room. And then when push comes to shove, just mention it to each and every nurse, intern, dr, staff person you see in connection with your kiddos.

[BlessedMommy2006]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

The hospital I'm using this time doesn't have a huge circ rate, but EVERY staff person I've spoken with (from OBs right through to receptionists) has commented that if I don't want it done, I'd better remind each and every person who will be in contact with the babe, put a note on his clothing and in his bassinet if for some reason I need to put him down, have my refusal added to his chart, etc. So I'm getting the feeling that they may not always have "signed consent form in hand", you know?

I agree that speaking with the whole birth team and post partum NICU team (if necessary) is a good idea, and with stickers and a bassinet note for each babe you should have some additional wiggle room. And then when push comes to shove, just mention it to each and every nurse, intern, dr, staff person you see in connection with your kiddos.

Wow, that's sad that circ has become so routine that parents have to be so explicit and clear about not wanting it.

It should be the other way around--that if parents want it, they should have to fight to make it happen.

[susienjay]

I have boy/girl twins that were born at 32 weeks and they spent 5 weeks in NICU. I was terrified that they'd accidentally circ ds when I wasn't with him. I asked one of the NICU nurses about it right after he was born and she said I didn't have anything to worry about because they do circs right before discharge. She actually freaked me out though because she said there was no consent form but the doctor would discuss it with me before hand. I do think there were forms though because I was in the room when they circed another baby and the doctor and nurse kept joking about did the baby have his "ticket" which I think was a consent form.

I felt much the same way you did. I'd been on bedrest for 2 months when my twins were born by emergency c-section and then they were whisked off to NICU immediately. For whatever reason making sure ds stayed intact was one thing I felt like I could control. Every time I visited the NICU one of the first things I did was check to make sure ds was still intact. I know that sounds crazy but I was terrified that something would be mixed up at the hospital and they'd do it.

In the NICU they generally do the circs the day of discharge or the day before. If an accidental circ would happen it would probably be right when they are ready to go home. For my ds I was so worried they would do it by accident (I probably looked totally neurotic to the hospital staff but I put DO NOT CIRC in red sharpie on ds's discharge paperwork). If I had to do it over I'd stick a card in his bassinet that said DO NOT CIRC. I think that would have been more visible to more people and probably everyone would have known he was not to be circed. I would not feel comfortable writing on the baby's body directly and clothes and diapers are frequently changed so I don't think it makes much sense to write on those.

You may want to check on how they do circs where you will be delivering. Part of the reason I was freaked with ds was they did them right there in the NICU and they were performed by the Neos. The NICU my 2.5 year old 29 weeker was in had them performed by the OBs in the well baby nursery. You'd have to make arrangements with your OB to come in to do it if you wanted it done. I'm not sure exactly how that worked because I had a girl so no one asked if we wanted her circed. I was under the impression from the NICU handbook that it was up to the parent to contact the OB about it because the NICU staff had nothing to do with circs. (other than aftercare- one of the boys next to dd was circed and his nurse did circ checks frequently but other than that I think the NICU staff had nothing to do with it)

[dorenavant]

My OB told me, when I asked about it, that the OB's at the hospital where I am delivering are the ones who perform circs, and that we would be asked if we wanted one and would have to sign a release. She did say, "you may be asked several times, just keep saying no."
I have put the following on my birth plan:
"We do not consent to having our son circumcised and ask that his foreskin not be retracted by anyone."
I'm hoping that since we're rooming in and asking that all procedures be done in our room that he won't be out of our sight for a moment- but if he has to be taken anywhere, I'm sending DH with him.

[BlessedMommy2006]

Originally Posted by dorenavant

My OB told me, when I asked about it, that the OB's at the hospital where I am delivering are the ones who perform circs, and that we would be asked if we wanted one and would have to sign a release. She did say, "you may be asked several times, just keep saying no."
I have put the following on my birth plan:
"We do not consent to having our son circumcised and ask that his foreskin not be retracted by anyone."
I'm hoping that since we're rooming in and asking that all procedures be done in our room that he won't be out of our sight for a moment- but if he has to be taken anywhere, I'm sending DH with him.

Hi! (waves) It's good to see another Michigan mommy with an intact boy. I live in the southern part of the state by Indiana. I have to say, though, that bit about you possibly being asked several times makes me sad. Why should they be soliciting you for unnecessary surgery?

I had my baby boy at home, but I always worried a little bit in the back of my head about what would happen if I had a hospital transfer.

[nummies]

I am also worried about this. I am having a homebirth with my twins but this is one of my worries in case of transfer. I got bracelets (that go around the ankle) from Ron Low at TLC Tugger. You can see a picture here. I also plan on putting a sign on the bassinet.

[vachi73]

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

I would write in sharpie across his/their belly "if you touch my penis my mom will sue"

This literally made me LOL to the point of nearly-incontinent! You cannot make a woman pregnant with twins laugh that hard!!

Seriously, though - thank you all for not diminishing my fears and paranoia, and for all the great suggestions about signs on isolettes, discussions with NICU staff, etc. I am also going to follow the suggestion of calling the hospital's NICU and verifying what their procedures are regarding circ'ing so that I can head it off at the pass.

I like the idea of sending DH with both babies whenever I'm not there, but I doubt it will be feasible unless they are born after 37 weeks (she crosses fingers!!) and are allowed to room-in. Although, come to think of it, both of our sons required bili-lights, so they were away from me during that, and nothing bad happened THEN - but that was at a hospital in Northern Virginia, where I think the circ rates were lower than they are here in Denver .

Next question - do they circ babies who have jaundice?! I can "hope" that these babies will follow suit, require lights, and will therefore be exempt from prying scalpels... (this is truly pathetic - wishing for jaundice to avoid a circ against our wishes?! they should have to get it written in concrete to do anything to a baby ... well, they shouldn't be allowed to do it to a baby, but I doubt I'm going to affect that change between now and December).

[skybluepink02]

I have b/g twins born at 33 weeks. At our NICU in Atlanta, they were very stringent about making sure circed boys had proper consent and such. They put a huge neon yellow sticker on the front of Benny's chart that said "NO CIRC". I don't know if your hospital has these stickers, but you could probably make one to put there. I'm sure they would check his chart before doing anything to make sure he's not on blood thinners or anything.

If you're looking for a sure fire way to make sure they will see it, you could make your won temporary tatoo and put it right below his navel. You can use this kit http://temptats.net/tatkit.html and make it say "NO CIRC"

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by skybluepink02

They put a huge neon yellow sticker on the front of Benny's chart that said "NO CIRC".

That makes me sooooo sad! Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't there be a huge red blood dripping sticker that says 'mutilate this baby' rather than a warning not to cut up a baby?

[ABmom]

Originally Posted by skybluepink02

I have b/g twins born at 33 weeks. At our NICU in Atlanta, they were very stringent about making sure circed boys had proper consent and such. They put a huge neon yellow sticker on the front of Benny's chart that said "NO CIRC". I don't know if your hospital has these stickers, but you could probably make one to put there. I'm sure they would check his chart before doing anything to make sure he's not on blood thinners or anything.

If you're looking for a sure fire way to make sure they will see it, you could make your won temporary tatoo and put it right below his navel. You can use this kit http://temptats.net/tatkit.html and make it say "NO CIRC"

I'm shocked that the hospitals would perform unnecessary surgeries on newborns WITHOUT the consent or knowledge of the parents. Here in Canada, specifically my province, EVERY procedure (from something as minor as eye drops or pricking the heel for blood test) must have the consent of the parent.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by ABmom

I'm shocked that the hospitals would perform unnecessary surgeries on newborns WITHOUT the consent or knowledge of the parents. Here in Canada, specifically my province, EVERY procedure (from something as minor as eye drops or pricking the heel for blood test) must have the consent of the parent.

I've never been told what they're doing when they take one of my babies out of the room - not once. I don't know if the rules are different here, or if they just ignore them.

Nobody has tried to circ either of my boys, but circ isn't very common here. I think the rate is about 10% (I think it was a bit higher when ds1 was born).