If your child came home with this mark, what would you think?

[StephandOwen]

I took ds to his daycare at 8:30 this morning. When we left the daycare at 6pm I noticed this mark on his arm. If you saw this mark... what would you think it was?

As a little more info... I work at the daycare ds goes to, but I'm in a different room. If I work a long day (like today) I usually check in on him a few times during the day. Lately ds has been having a hard time (he has autism and these long days are ROUGH on him- I was only hired to work 2-6 but have been working longer hours since he's out of school.... he's not adjusted well to it). Today I checked on him at about 2pm (right after nap time when I took him to go potty). He was upset because he wanted to go home and had had a bad morning. But I got him calmed down and he was fine. A couple hours later, at about 4:30, one of the teachers in his room brought him down to my room and said something about how he was "beating up everyone" and left him in my room, crying. I asked ds why he was crying but all he could say was "my teacher hurt me". I was super busy at the minute so didn't really have time to figure it all out (like I said- ds has autism so communication is an issue for him and the truth of what happens usually never comes out because he doesn't have the communication skills for it). I calmed him down and got him to talk a little. He explained some of what happened (which, again, boiled down to lack of communication- he wanted to close a door on the playhouse but one of the kids refused to move her hands so he closed the door anyway and hurt her fingers... at least that's what I got from what ds was saying). But he couldn't elaborate on how/why his teacher was hurting him.

I took him back outside to where his class was. I tried talking to his teacher but she offered very vague responses (wouldn't tell me WHO he was hurting or WHY or HOW) and just generally was pissed off and didn't want to talk to me. I was busy and parents were coming to pick up their kids by this time so I went back to my room.

When I got ds home I noticed that mark on his arm. He can't tell me what happened, other than "my teacher hurt me".

I really don't want to bring my ds back tomorrow but I'm supposed to work another long day. Fortunately the teacher from today won't be working there tomorrow (there were 2 teachers in his room- one is there every day, including today, and the other is only there 2 days a week, including today). The other teacher who was in his room today will be there tomorrow morning. I'm going to talk to my boss about this tomorrow but I wanted to see if anyone could think of another explanation for the marks before I jump to conclusions and accuse a co-worker of hurting my child.

To me it looks like someone pinched him on the arm really hard.

[HeatherRenee]

Poor baby!

It looks like either a pinch or even a bite. (Hubby said Bite mark when I showed him too). I know that some people think that biting is ok if the child bites someone.. so if it is a bite mark, that's probably why.

Why would someone put a hand (or tooth) on a child that is not theirs? (Or even theirs.. I don't get parents sometimes..but that's a rant for a different topic)

How is he feeling? Can he show you what happened, since he isn't able to tell you?

[lifeguard]

I must admit that's how it looks to me as well.

I understand your ds has difficulty with communication but "my teacher hurt me" seems pretty straight forward to me.

I hope the daycare deals appropriately with this situation.

[mamakah]

The minute I saw it I thought bite.

[StephandOwen]

Unfortunately, I've seen my share of bite marks (working in childcare for the last 7 years). This does not look like any bite mark I've ever seen. It doesn't have the teeth imprints or even the teeth/mouth shape. Not saying it isn't a bite mark, but I (personally) don't think it is.

I would even be hard pressed to say that another child made that mark. The picture doesn't do it justice... it's worse in real life DS is the oldest in his class (but not the biggest). He's not a violent child, in general, so I was shocked to hear he was "beating up everyone". I think he was just having a rough day and his teacher was tired of dealing with him.

But I am absolutely shocked that he has this mark on him and his teacher(s) didn't inform me before they left (they both left before I did). If a teacher did inflict this wound on him (and I don't really have any reason to doubt what my ds says) I don't even know where to go from here I think I'll ask my boss to see the tape from that time frame on the playground to see exactly what was happening.

[vbactivist]

your second link doesn't work.

but the first one looks like a bite kind of to me. I've never seen a pinch mark before, so i'm not sure. but my kids bite marks look like that, only in the shape of their teeth.

is it possible another kid did it? I am so sorry - this is totally awful for you guys I have no advice.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

Unfortunately, I've seen my share of bite marks (working in childcare for the last 7 years). This does not look like any bite mark I've ever seen. It doesn't have the teeth imprints or even the teeth/mouth shape. Not saying it isn't a bite mark, but I (personally) don't think it is.

I would even be hard pressed to say that another child made that mark. The picture doesn't do it justice... it's worse in real life DS is the oldest in his class (but not the biggest). He's not a violent child, in general, so I was shocked to hear he was "beating up everyone". I think he was just having a rough day and his teacher was tired of dealing with him.

But I am absolutely shocked that he has this mark on him and his teacher(s) didn't inform me before they left (they both left before I did). If a teacher did inflict this wound on him (and I don't really have any reason to doubt what my ds says) I don't even know where to go from here I think I'll ask my boss to see the tape from that time frame on the playground to see exactly what was happening.

cross posted with you and other posters. i agree with the lack of teeth marks. it looks pretty bad though in the photo i really hope the teacher didn't do that to him. a slap i can almost uderstand (in general) only because its reactive. but a pinch or bite seems like you would have to deliberately done it . so terrible. so sorry for you.

can you atl least keep him in your room tomorrow? or until this gets straightened out?

[lalaland42]

I thought bite mark too. If there is a video tape, definitely watch it.

[sunanthem]

I thought bite too. Or possibly a womans long fingernails, squeezing? Either way.. its soo not cool.. shouldnt they have filled out an incident report? And his teacher "was tired of him"????
You need to do some serious questioning on this mama!
I hope it all gets figured out and your son is safe in his daycare.

[teale]

It looks like a "snake bite" to me. You know when you hold the arm and twist with both hands?

I'm sorry hun, this situation sounds awful, and I really think that your son is communicating that someone hurt him.

[eepster]

My guess would be that the teacher tried to restrain him and the skin on his arm got pinched while she was holding it. (Though I once had a very similar mark from a back pack strap that got twisted, so it might be something completely unrelated to the teacher.)

Whether this means she was using excessive force would depend on many variables. You need to talk with the teacher to see if you think it sounds like she was acting in a way you consider reasonable. Was she restraining him b/c he was about to injure himself or others? or did she just grab him out of anger? Was her perception of danger reasonable (he was about to throw a wooden block,) or did she over react by grabbing him hard enough to leave a mark (he was just laying on the floor flailing about?) While theoretically, one should never leave a mark, it is better to grab an arm than let a child run out into traffic or dive off the top of the playground slide.

Once you talk to her, you gut should give you an idea if this was just a bad moment for both of them, or if the teacher was being abusive.

[liliaceae]

Doesn't look like a bite to me, but I have no idea what it does look like. Is it possible a child made this mark, but the teacher did something else to him? Did he say that the teacher made the mark?

[crl]

I thought pinch when I looked at the pictures before I read the whole post. I'm sorry.

Catherine

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

is it possible another kid did it?

I guess it's always possible, but if another kid bites him (sadly, it's happened a couple times before) I'm always told immediately. Usually they bring him down to my room for some mama love and let me know what happened.

Originally Posted by vbactivist

can you atl least keep him in your room tomorrow? or until this gets straightened out?

Not really. I work in the infant room. DS is almost 6. If I was in the 2 year old room I might be able to stretch it and let him stay with me, but not if I'm in the infant room. I think the 2 teachers who are in the big kid room in the morning are going to be the regular teacher (who was there today but who is NOT the one who brought ds to my room crying and acting snotty with me) and the assistant director. I've never known the assistant director to lay a hand on a child in the almost 2 years I've been here, so I know she wouldn't allow it to happen on her watch.

DS starts school in 2 weeks. I'm trying to switch my schedule so that when he does start school, I only work when he's at school so he'll never have to go to the daycare (except for school vacations).

Originally Posted by lalaland42

If there is a video tape, definitely watch it.

I'm going to ask my director tomorrow, if she comes in. If she doesn't, I'll ask the assistant director.

[infraread]

Oh poor baby!

If my child came home with that mark, I would think that the teacher did an eye-for-an-eye thing on him. It looks very much like a pinch, from a door to a playhouse maybe, or what a pp referred to as a "snake bite." I think asking to see the tape is an excellent idea. In fact, I'd insist on it. The teacher not wishing to speak to you may have been because she needed time to process the day but that doesn't mean her attitude is acceptable. Would that be the case with a parent who does not work there?

Communication issues: your son spoke plain as day. Does he often tell stories or lie? I think, if he does not see that you are taking him seriously here, it will harm further attempts at communication with you.

I realize my post may sound harsh, but my little brother is on the spectrum and it colors my judgment some... he had a horrible teacher in elementary school (not the same situation, but similar enough) who was verbally, mentally, and physically abusive to him. Good luck to you, I hope you can get to the bottom of this and that he's ok

[Mama2Bug]

Like the person who mentioned "snake bites," it looks like a twisted skin kind of mark to me. Like if someone grabbed his arm really hard and kind of turned their hand while doing it. Does it have tiny little dots throughout that are redder than the rest?

Poor little guy. I hope you get it figured out.

[Storm Bride]

My first thought was a pinch or a twisting injury - what a pp called a "snake bite" (never heard that term before). It doesn't look like a bite to me...same general shape - the curve - but not the same kind of mark.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by liliaceae

Is it possible a child made this mark, but the teacher did something else to him? Did he say that the teacher made the mark?

The first question- I don't know. Since the teacher didn't say anything to me about a mark on his arm, I've not a clue what happened. For the second question- I can't get that info out of ds. He won't tell me how the teacher hurt him. He won't demonstrate on me how it happened.

Originally Posted by sunanthem

shouldnt they have filled out an incident report?

Yes, yes they should have. Which is what I'll be questioning tomorrow.

And his teacher "was tired of him"????

Probably not the best way to put it but... yes. Almost 2 years later and they still don't understand ds. They got upset with him on Monday because the other kids were trying to take a nap and he was standing in the middle of the room spinning. Well.... DUH! The kid has autism. He spins. It was also a dark room (which he loves). So spinning in a dark room equals very cool for ds. But the teachers don't understand that and think ds is just being "bad".

You need to do some serious questioning on this mama!

We've had very very few problems in the past couple years here so this is a bit of a shock to me right now. I've worked with all these employees for almost 2 years (the teacher who ds said hurt him has been working for this daycare for 7 or 8 years). I've already talked to my boss about switching my hours so I'm only working during ds's school time (which would mean ds wouldn't have to go to the daycare after school every day, which would mean he'd only really have to go on school vacations). She's going to switch my hours when she can, but it might not be right away. I need this job. I need the flexibility it offers. The economy ain't great right now so I hesitate to quit.

But on the other hand- if ds is getting hurt by a teacher here, I can't let that go on. I have to stick up for my ds and show him that mama will always protect him. Ya know?

[Fuamami]

I agree with an arm restraint/jerked up by the arm pinch/bruise. My mom did this to me 1,000 times, so I can remember the marks well.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

The first question- I don't know. Since the teacher didn't say anything to me about a mark on his arm, I've not a clue what happened.

The teacher may not have seen it. I got a couple of those (if it's a "snake bite") when I was younger, and it took the mark a while to come up sometimes.