We have talked numerous times about how that kind of talk is NOT OKAY and hurts people. We have talked about how it is important to listen to me because I need to keep her and her little brother safe. (The kids were playing outside -- DD is 4.5, DS is 2. ) She was pushing DS around in a stroller, then he wanted to get out, but couldn't. I told her "it's fine to push him around and play in the stroller, but please don't buckle him in because he could tip the stroller over if he tries to get out) Okay. So one minute later she does just that. She just doesn't care AT ALL about what DH and I ask her to do. It leads to me screaming a lot which I really really hate to do.
At the table, we'll say "Honey, please sit up in your seat. If you are having trouble sitting at the table, you will need to sit in your booster." Then, when she doesn't sit right on her chair (I mean, puts her feet on the table, etc) and we put her in her booster she throws a huge fit about how mean and horrible we are. Well, throwing a fit at the table isn't okay either, so then we tell her that if she needs to scream and get it out, she can do it in her room. Then more screaming.
Anyway. I think you get the picture.
Any advice? I wasn't in the past, but at this point, I am open to punitive suggestions.