First timers planning a homebirth, are you scared?

[LibertyBelle]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and still trying to decide whether I want to have a home birth. I have the option of birthing at a hospital under the care of my midwives. I'm a bit of a worrier, and I'm having trouble feeling 100% confident in having a home birth. I keep thinking of the worse case scenarios.

For those of you having a home birth, do you feel 100% confident in your decision? I'm trying to figure out if it's normal to be paranoid or worried. It seems that everyone who decides to home birth is very sure of their decision, so I wonder if I'm just not cut out for a home birth.

If there are any of you out there who felt like I do, how did you work through your fears?

[lovepiggie]

Mostly I feel confident in my decision because the idea of giving birth in a hospital seems WAY more scary.

I've been doing a lot of reading to help myself prepare... Heart and Hands is a good midwife guide to giving birth, so it discusses everything in a very matter of fact way and takes the mystery out of things. I've also made sure to only read positive home birth stories and use these women as inspiration... If they can do it, so can I! And so can you!

[cocoanib]

No fear at all, just excitement!
If you are truly fearful it may hinder your birthing process.
If you feel more confident about a hospital birth with your midwives that may be better for you.
The important thing is to be comfortable and feel supported wherever you are giving birth. Happy birthing whatever you decide!

[ithappened]

Originally Posted by lovepiggie

Mostly I feel confident in my decision because the idea of giving birth in a hospital seems WAY more scary.

:

[Abraisme]

I'm about to have my second homebirth. I was never worried about having my first homebirth (I'm sure it helped that I had witnessed my mother give birth at home several times). I'm really glad that I was at home because I'm 99% that I would have ended up with a lot of interventions if I had been in a hospital. I wouldn't do it any other way (unless there was a true medical need).

[LibertyBelle]

Thank you for your responses mamas! I guess I am a rare breed. I have doubts/fears about both the hospital birth and the home birth, and need to make a decision soon. Hopefully I will be able to figure out what's best for us soon.

[goodfella21]

A good cup of what we call vawnza did the trick. I'm sure in the end you will make the right decision.

[dnr3301]

I had my first at home, and I wasn't scared at all. and as a doula, I often hear people say things like, "I'll do the hospital for the first and home for the second" and I think, "why? why set yourself up for that? your chances of a c/s in a hos is so much higher than a home birth, making your choices more limited for your 2nd".

I had my second at home as well, and the third is due in Jan, will be a homebirth as well.

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Homebirth.

[BekahMomToOliver]

I'm in Ontario, so with midwives I had the same options - home or hospital with the same care providers. I knew from the start of my pregnancy with DS that I would like a homebirth, but then it all started to seem a bit daunting, especially as his due date approached. So, we just kept our options kind of open. We had the birth pool and everything set up at home, but if at any point I changed my mind (provided it wasn't too late), we'd head to the hospital (about 1/2 an hour away).
When the day came, everything just went so smoothly and progressed so naturally that there was never a point where I wanted to go, KWIM? It never crossed my mind, "oh, maybe I want to head to the hospital now!" because I was comfortable at home with my family and midwives. I do remember really wanting an epidural when I was in transition, but not badly enough to get out of the tub and hop in the car to go get one,
Looking back now, I can't imagine it going any other way, but I'm glad we kept our options open. And in the end, too, I think at least some of what factored into my comfort level at home was knowing about what goes on at most hospital births.
Good luck with your decision!

[GoldmanBaby09]

Originally Posted by Abraisme

I was never worried about having my first homebirth (I'm sure it helped that I had witnessed my mother give birth at home several times). I'm really glad that I was at home because I'm 99% that I would have ended up with a lot of interventions if I had been in a hospital. I wouldn't do it any other way (unless there was a true medical need).

This, for me, exactly. My mom had 5 homebirths, so that already had a sense of normalcy to it. I had my first baby at home two weeks ago, and even though I had a very smooth labor, I pushed for two and a half hours. They never would have let me go that long in the hos and I would have ended up with an episiotomy for sure.

I think a lot of women are nervous about birth no matter where it is occurring. But for me, I knew that there was no place I would rather be than my own home during such an intimate time.

[littlebb]

Nothing but excitement and anticipation for me/us (I'm 41w1d). I've been so comfortable with our decision and the level of care we've received from our midwives that we can't help but be excited for the day to finally come.

For me, once I became comfortable with the decision, I was surprised to learn how much unrealized anxiety I have about a hospital birth. That's the only fear I have - is that something will happen and I'll be facing a transport and have to endure a hospital staff and fight off interventions. I am far more terrified of a hospital because I have ALWAYS wanted a fully natural birth. I am not letting it be my focus by any means, but being technically past due makes me nervous that my body won't go into labor on its own and I'll be forced to go in for induction. That's the fear I personally have to fight off.

Our midwife, in our birthing classes, took a session to go over every possible scenario that could happen in a homebirth and laid out on the table the things that could possibly go 'wrong' or situations we could possibly have to deal with. It was NO where near what we expected, and you'll find that midwives are trained to handle situations in the same manner (only calmer and without as much panic and chaos) that hospital staff would (with the exception of c-sections, epidurals, IVs and a few other things). For instance, I didn't know that midwives usually carry Pitocin in case of hemorrhage after birth, which is the same action a hospital would take.

The key thing to remember is that yes, something could go 'wrong' in a homebirth. But often, things go 'wrong' in hospital births. I have found it much, much easier to put my faith and trust in my midwife than in a stranger at a hospital. Midwives take the time to really know you and your full medical history.

I think what you feel is normal. It's not so mainstream to plan a homebirth and it feels so erratic and different than the norm at first. The more you educate yourself and visualize your perfect birth, the more your paranoia and fears will slip away. Have you met with a HB midwife yet? That will make the biggest difference. Building that relationship with the person/people who will be helping you bring your little one into the world is such a huge part of this process. Being able to have that complete and full trust in someone to watch over you and care for you will likely be the factor that melts all those fears away, and you, too, will find yourself EXCITED about your birth.

[billikengirl]

No, not scared yet. I'm just at 25 weeks so still focused on growing the baby and it still isn't all that real to me that I'll have to actually BIRTH him. LOL

I did a lot of reading before I got pregnant and I'm confident about what my midwife can handle at home and that she can identify when a transport is necessary for my or the baby's safety. True emergencies are so rare that if I were really worried about being 100% out of danger, probability-wise I'd be better off choosing not to drive to work every day than choosing to birth in the hospital with no medical indication. Know what I mean?

I got a lot of the "what if something goes wrong" anxiety out before I got pregnant. The evidence is that as long as I'm healthy I'm actually safer at home than at the hospital. Now I don't have much anxiety about anything except "failing" the "tests" to be allowed to have a home birth (like my blood pressure rising, my H&H not being good enough, etc).

[jess152]

Originally Posted by lovepiggie

Mostly I feel confident in my decision because the idea of giving birth in a hospital seems WAY more scary.

Precisely how I feel!

I'm a first-timer, but not. I have a two year old, but feel like I was totally pushed/railroaded into a c-section by a group of doctors for a list of (I know now) not good reasons. So while I'm a whiz at breastfeeding & diapers, I've never felt a contraction, don't know what it's like to have my water break, the idea of transition scares me, etc, etc! I'm excited about getting to 'do it all' this time!

In my small town, with a 44% c/s rate, I feel infinitely safer having this baby at home. I have total confidence in my midwife. If there is something catastrophic that arises, I am about 6 blocks (no traffic lights) from the hospital. While a local doctor assured me that arriving there needing emergency care is a bad idea, doing that will be the last resort, obviously! I'm certain I can push this baby out and having a midwife with 35 years experience makes me feel like going to the hospital is unlikely.

Read all the positive hb stories you can get your hands on. Go through some of your worst case scenarios with your mw. Likely she will have seen it or dealt with it in the past. It could reassure you. Good luck!

[Hezzie]

I am scared, but it's more fear of the unknown because I've never been through labor, KWIM? I'm not afraid of having a home birth because I hate hospitals enough when I'm sick. There's no way I'm going to a hospital for something that's completely natural unless I have to. I'd be constantly on my guard for fear of them doing something I don't want done or isn't necessary. That's why I chose a home birth. More power to our sisters that choose hospital births...I believe a woman should have the right to choose where she gives birth and if they're more comfortable with all the technology and monitoring, that's cool and I respect their decision. It's not what I want, but that doesn't make it right or wrong.

That said...I wouldn't have chosen home birth if there wasn't a hospital close by for the rare "just in case" scenario (10 minutes away). I trust my body to birth and know that 90%-95% of the time it goes without a hitch, but I'm not taking any chances. Modern medicine can and does save moms and babies, when it's appropriate and necessary, and there are times you need to be in a hospital. I'm comfortable with my decision because I feel like I have all my bases covered and an incredible midwife.

[scarletjane]

Don't feel like you're a rare breed; I think it's really normal for feelings like yours to come up. It's really important to do what you feel is safest and best for you, so listen to your intuition and put yourself in a situation where you'll feel supported, secure and confident.

I think it's also important to try to figure out your personality type and how your mind works (we're all so different!). Personally i've been discovering about myself that i really like to know as much as possible. I feel safest and most secure when I am well-informed. So.. I've been doing lots of reading, gathering all sorts of information, and giving myself all the tools i'll need to feel confident. Try to spend some time figuring out what you'll need to feel that way and then do those things.

Another thing that makes any decision difficult, but is good to keep in mind, is that all decisions carry risks and benefits. No decision will be without them; the key is to find the one that to you has the most benefits. And just remember... you can do this, no matter where you decide you want it to happen!

good luck with the decision.

[vegasgrl]

I agree with PP 100% - it's important that you birth where you will be the most comfortable and secure, kwim? I'm not scared of attempting a HB (my first), primarily because of a few key things:

1) I'm so close to the hospital, I could waddle there if I had to. This is a big factor for me.
2) My midwife was an L&D nurse for 5 years, does the suturing (when necessary) for most of the midwives in town, and just in general makes me feel extremely comfortable from a medical perspective. Plus I just really like her.
3) Every time I picture myself in the hospital, I get scared, feel extremely violated and sense a complete loss of control. I nearly seize up with fear. Not so at home.
4) I have read as many transfer stories as I can - my sado-masochistic way of mentally preparing for the worst. Being so close to the hospital really helps me work through a lot of these.

My point in telling you all of this is not to say that because I'm not scared you shouldn't be either. Nor is it to say whether I think you should or shouldn't have a HB. I just wanted to explain *my* reasons for not being scared. I think it's super important for you to place yourself in both situations and see where you feel most comfortable, kwim?

One thing to remember is that in a hospital, even with midwives, you are likely still going to be restricted by hospital protocols. For *me* that's the scariest part about the hospital, the whole OMG-YOU'RE-NOT-PROGRESSING-HALF-A-CM-AN-HOUR-YOUR-BABY-IS-SICK-YOU-NEED-THIS-THAT-AND-THE-OTHER. Your midwives can protect you from some of that, but ultimately your hospital experience, even with midwives, may not be what you're expecting; I'd for sure get their take on it.

Ultimately, if you feel most comfortable in the hospital, more power to you! It seems from your post that you might feel safest there, kwim? And as long as your midwives are cool with it, I can't see the problem with waiting until the day of to decide - I think that's how lots of European countries do it? Good luck mama!

[AnnR33]

My first 2 births were at a hospital and while they were not terrible, they were not ideal either with all the people involved and rushing around after the birth. I hated people coming in and poking and prodding me at all hours of the day/night and they kept wanting to give baby a pacifier despite my note taped to baby's bassinet that said "no pacifiers!" :

I wanted a homebirth for my 3rd but Dh was pretty freaked out by the idea. My 3rd was supposed to be at a free standing birth center but the mw was late so DH delivered DS in our van. LOL Even such a crazy event beat out both hospital births-it was surprisingly calm and easy! I was back home in bed in about 2 hrs. Since Dh caught the baby he saw how staying home would have been so much easier

I knew without a doubt that my last one would be at home. I didn't want the intrusions and potential push for interventions. I never had any doubts and honestly never thought about "worst case" scenarios.

I had an easy and fast homebirth 2wks ago and am so glad we decided to stay home. No problems at all and I was so comfortable in my own space.

Good luck with your decision!

[Lineymom]

Oh, I am starting to get fears. I am 25 wks and have had 2 others naturally in the hospital. So I would be a first-time HBer. I was only excited, idealizing everything to do with hb until just last night when I read another MDC thread about "what would have happened in a hb." as well as this thread.

My midwife would be 2.5 hours from me and I got over that bothering me. I would have had plenty of time to get her here with my others. What is bothering me now..... Everyone says I feel safe because in the rare chance that there is a true emergency I am so close to the hospital. Well, I am 30 minutes and it is a hospital that I would guess has never dealt with a HB emergency or any HB transfer for that matter. We drove another 45 minutes past that hospital to have my other babies. I imagine getting there and being caught in paperwork while something terrible happens to me/the baby.

[Coconut Chronicles]

Originally Posted by cocoanib

No fear at all, just excitement!
If you are truly fearful it may hinder your birthing process.

: