First timers planning a homebirth, are you scared? - Page 2

[smokeylo]

Liberty, I had a homebirth with my first baby and remember going through the same paranoia/fear at almost the exact same point in my pregnancy as you are (I think I was 33 weeks). With the birth looming, all the anxiety floated to the top. Talking it out with my doula and midwife really helped me reframe my concerns and remind myself why I'd made that choice. Of course ANYONE having a baby will have some worries and uncertainty. But you can be assured that you've made a great decision for your family. My husband and I agree that having a homebirth was the best decision we have EVER made. It was everything I'd hoped it would be. And now I'm having a second baby and will be thrilled to be at home again.

Hang in there!

[aiyasmama]

Originally Posted by lovepiggie

Mostly I feel confident in my decision because the idea of giving birth in a hospital seems WAY more scary.

Me too! My first birth was a hospital nightmare.

[elle7715]

This is my 3rd baby but first planned homebirth. Whenever I do feel a little anxious about the homebirth I just think of my two hospital births. Then I breathe a sigh of relief and get excited about the homebirth again. I'm not scared of a hospital birth I just know what a PITA they can be, and honestly I'm repulsed at the idea of having another baby at a hospital.

I think I'd be more nervous if I didn't know what the alternative was like. I'll obviously go if we need to, but it's not what I want.

[Mamatoabunch]

No fear, my first brth was a planned HB, turned OB care w/ twins and subsequent c/s. That was awful. No fear w/ my first HB, I was thrilled and excited, could not wait!

[valsblondies]

My 1st 2 births were in a hospital and I am having #3 at home- (due in 6 weeks). I am so much less scared to have the baby at home. It seemed at the hospital, everything was bright and clinical and I was getting stuck and prodded and then left. Nobody really paid attention to me at all until I was 9cm and then it was a big rush to get me ready to have the baby (although Id been there for hours). With ds #1, the doctor was reading a newspaper at the end of my bed until he decided he had waited long enough and suctioned my son out. With ds #2, I kept telling the nurse I was progressing quickly but she didnt seem to take me seriously until the dr came intod iscover I was9cm. Then they decided I should have my blood drawn, an IV put in (while I was of course in serious labor and also my water breaking and having a bm on myself at the same time). I remember standing there with a puddle of blood at my feet, poop everywhere, water everywhere and the nurse trying to get an IV in while the dr yelled forget it to her and I was told not to push until they were ready. And quite honestly, I had no "interventions" so my experience is quite mild compared to many others.

I feel so much relaxed knowing I will be at home, in my comfort zone with a midwife and her assistant who actually know me and who are there solely to make this delivery a safe and personal for me and my family. And yes everyone in my family initially thinks Ive gone off the deep end with this, but once I explain my reasons and how safe homebirth is, they are supportive.

[akind1]

This is my first baby and I am at the same point as some of you - 26 weeks. I've read nearly everything I can get my hands on - with the exception of 2 books I want to get but haven't yet : Dr. Sears' birth book (I'm really liking the pregnancy book), and Emergency Childbirth by Dr. White. Since this is not just a HB but UC I want to be, and DH to be, as prepared as possible. If the hospital and EMT's were not so close, I think we would be scared, but we've both read enough and watched enough we *think* we have a good idea what to expect and what to do in the event of an emergency.
I'm not more scared of a hospital birth, but concerned is a better word. I know the midwives there *say* what they will let me do (I hate the word "let") like walk around, use a birth ball, labor in the shower, etc, but I also know they can take away these . . .priveledges? should I not be progressing as they'd like. And that worries me far more than the home birth. I just have this feeling that if I stay calm and allow the process to do what it's meant to do, it will be fine. It's when you mess with it or interupt it that problems arise.

So not scared, but perhaps a bit anxious, in a way I'm ready, but I'm glad I have 3 months to go to prepare a bit more!

-Katrina - due 11/7/09

[skylarsmom08]

I'm scared...(don't know if that's the right word though) but not of a homebirth. I'm scared that I'm going to have to transfer. I would be devastated if we had to transfer. As far as the birth itself, I really feel that everything is going to go fine. I'm trying to think positively but I've been reading stories about women that transfer. I think reading their stories is helping me accept the possibility of transfer. I'm creating my transfer birth plan, which is making me feel a little more in control.
It might help to write down exactly what your fears are. Once they are out of your head and in the universe, it's easier to confront and conquer them. Once you know what your fears are, discuss them with your midwife and research them. It'll either calm your fears and help embrace a homebirth, or help you decide that you'll be more comfortable at a hospital.
Good luck

[iemaja]

Originally Posted by dnr3301

and as a doula, I often hear people say things like, "I'll do the hospital for the first and home for the second"

When I hear this statement, I always encourage parents to think about it a little differently..."This is your one-and-only chance to give birth to this baby. How do you envision giving birth to this baby? Whatever that vision is, what can we do to make that happen?" The first decisions are choosing the right care provider and the right birth location for that vision.

[sunshadow]

I had a very rough hospital birth with my daughter. I know I want a natural birth, but the memory of her birth left me with so much fear. I chose a midwife who can do hospital or home births so I could take time to deal with my fear and decide later.

I am currently reading Ina May's guide to childbirth and now I understand what went wrong with my daughter's birth. I realize how the fear and a nurse I didn't feel comforatable with affected me. It has calmed my fears and made me think about what I will need to do to prepare for this time. Now I can't imagine not having a home birth.

[HAddison]

I am 35 weeks along with my third child. My first two were born in the hospital, with epidurals, interventions, etc. I wasn't ready for a homebirth with my other two. For one I was really young and uninformed. My births, themselves, weren't traumatic, but I HATE hospitals. I suffered some postpartum depression, and I am positive it was because I was there. This time around I don't even remember deciding to switch to home birth, it was like it was the obvious way to go.
My feelings are all positive at this point. Of course I am not looking forward to the pain, but it's like "I'll deal with it while its there, and then it will be gone." As for the fear of complications, that is why you subject yourself and your babe to all the prenatal screening. Those midwives want a healthy happy baby (and mommy) just like you do.
If you haven't already watched The Business of Being Born you should check it out. It's so informative. It made me feel great about choosing this option.
I also watched alot of homebirth videos on YouTube. Those were so reassuring.

[ShwarmaQueen]

I think you should list your fears one by one, then research each specific fear. I'm confortable with it now, but in the beginning I just needed more info. I'm mainly just so freakin' excited now :- but ask me in 2 months and we'll see how I feel then!

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:26pm

[maplesmom]

I am haveing a hard time finding homebirth transfer stories, of negitive homebirth stories. I am not scared, but I too feel like I want to be more informed about what exactly can go wrong (even though I realize it is a very small chance). Does anyone know of any websites, or blogs with transfer stories??

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:26pm

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by akind1

I'm not more scared of a hospital birth, but concerned is a better word. I know the midwives there *say* what they will let me do (I hate the word "let") like walk around, use a birth ball, labor in the shower, etc, but I also know they can take away these . . .priveledges? should I not be progressing as they'd like.

This really put into words what I couldn't. This very much explains what is so appealing about HB. I keep hearing about "if they allow me to eat, if they allow me to be off the EFM, etc" You're right, it's almost demeaning. If dh decides we just can't do a homebirth, I'm not scared of the hospital, I've done it 3 times before, I just don't want everything to be about getting permission!

[vegasgrl]

Originally Posted by maplesmom

I am haveing a hard time finding homebirth transfer stories, of negitive homebirth stories. I am not scared, but I too feel like I want to be more informed about what exactly can go wrong (even though I realize it is a very small chance). Does anyone know of any websites, or blogs with transfer stories??

I found this site to be very helpful, especially with finding birth stories of all shapes and sizes:

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/

Click on "birth stories" on the left hand side and you can for sure find transfer stories and stories where things were less than ideal - I also found this to be extremely important in my road to choosing HB.

[Tattooed Hand]

It's my first child and I'm planning a homebirth. I am 24 weeks. I don't know why or if this will change, but for now, my main fear is the hospital. And more than that, going under the knife. It's actually a fear I hope to try to deal with in birthing class because what if I have to go there?! I fear being treated like a child, having choices taken out of my hands (by cascading interventions), not being informed about certains things done to me (like pitocin) and well meaning people harassing me. I worry about this last people my usual reaction to people getting all up in my face and trying to railroad me into things is to lash out back hard and nasty. And I still need these people to help me. the whole thing just freak me the hell out.

I really love my midwives and am looking forward to going through this process at home, instead of in some scary sterile hospital surrounded by strangers who may or may not cause me to get pissed off and labor to shut down. I figure even if the homebirth is tough, I will be comforted by the love, support and familiarity around me, and be consoled that this was my choice and no one made me do this.

That's where I'm at. Maybe you should ask yourself what your biggest fears really are and what you think it would take to assuage them?

[fwlady]

Our first HB was also a UC. We couldn't afford the home MW, and she was too interventive for me. I was all confident, because my last 2 hospital births were easy and normal. My first was a section, so we had things to deal with when it came to the OBs. When my water broke, I was excited, but also nervous, because it was a UC, and I didn't have the MW to help me be reassured that everything was okay. I did call my doula friend about the pink waters in the beginning (this was later, not when my water broke), and I was fine with staying home. The baby had the hiccups nearly the whole time. If we had the MW, I know we wouldn't have transferred unnecassarily for the placenta. The next UC was totally great and went without a hitch. I wasn't as nervous. I think that the nervousness DID delay my birth somewhat. I knew that it was my fear that kept it going so long, and things were very reassuring during the whole labor, but that was the way it went. Being nervous is normal, I think. I knew that we were safer at home, and after looking back, I know that it really prevented a lot of interventions and possible repeat section. So, it was DEF the right choice. Kymberli

[JennTheMomma]

After meeting the Midwife who will be attending our birth, I'm no longer scared or worried. I feel comfortable and confident in her, and we're also only 10 miles from 2 different Hospitals adn 16 miles from another, in case something were to go wrong. We're still TTCing, but I like to have things nice and planned. I don't like Hospitals, haven't since I had a hernia repair surgery at 3 years of age.

[Spark]

Originally Posted by LibertyBelle

If there are any of you out there who felt like I do, how did you work through your fears?

I went to that dark fearful place in my head & wrote it all down. Then, I talked to my MW about it. She gave me information that helped me face my fears... and I realized, birth can be scary, but I felt much much more safety at home than in the hospital.

Claire... with 4 kiddos all born happily at home.