dd freaks whenever corrected

[SweetPotato]

MY dd is 3.5yo, very bright and very verbal. I've posted a few times about her getting mean/rude with adults, and am realizing that it's really only when she feels like she's being corrected. I can remember when she was about 18 months old, we were in a room with grandparents, etc., and she was playing with the stereo- when she turned the volume WAY up, there was a collective "oh no!" and she burst into tears-- she's always been very sensitive and easily embarrassed like that. Now, she holds a grudge against friends' moms who have ever corrected her in the past. When dh or I correct her, we're met with "I hate you!" and she sometimes tries to scratch us. Does anyone have any ideas for how to help her learn to cope and move on? I've talked with her about how it's daddy's and my job to help her learn and keep her safe, and that when I ask her to stop doing something, it doesn't mean that I'm mad at her, it just means that I love her and want to keep her safe/help her learn. Please share any other ideas. I think I should try rephrasing things so that they don't sound like a correction, or maybe substituting "danger" instead of "stop" or "don't" when something is dangerous (I really don't put my foot down for much that isn't a safety issue) But really-- it would be great if she could learn to take minor criticism/correction more in stride (and you, know, as I type that, I realize that I'm exactly the same way!) I'm honestly kind of worried about what's going to happen when she starts Sunday school this fall- we tried it last year and she did great until one of the teachers told her it was time to put her craft away (dd didn't want to, and the teacher insisted, and I suspect dd was then embarrassed)- and then she started WAILING. Thankfully she's got 2 full years before kindy. Anybody have kids like this?

[Valval]

Mine was (and still is at 6) a bit like yours. The best way I learned to deal with it was as little talking as possible. The talking or actual telling her to stop whatever seemed to be the tipping point. The stereo thing probably would have crushed her, but if I had just gone over and turned it down, it probably all would have been good.
I have issues with embarrassment and criticism also and my usual response is not wanting to talk about it. Okay, I'm wrong, I shouldn't have done it that way, won't do it again, just lets not talk about it. I think that's what my daughter's issue is also. She's old enough that we have talked about it and I've explained that I don't ever want to embarrass her but sometimes she needs a little guidance to know what the right thing to do is.
So maybe if you can just, like you were saying, have a safe word or a touch on the shoulder or rub on the back that just lets her know to maybe slow her roll. She might be more receptive to silent communication.

Now if we could just get ours to quit freaking when we smile or laugh at something cute she says. "We're laughing at what you said, not at you! It was funny, you're clever, we laugh when someone says something amusing. Ahhhhh".

[SweetPotato]

Originally Posted by Valval

Now if we could just get ours to quit freaking when we smile or laugh at something cute she says. "We're laughing at what you said, not at you! It was funny, you're clever, we laugh when someone says something amusing. Ahhhhh".

You know, we have some of this, too. It's like dd gets embarrassed with ANY unexpected attention- good or bad. If someone at the store commets on her fancy hat or anything, she gets flustered, too. It's tough!

[Valval]

These all just may be temperament things. I still can't take a complement to save my life and neither can my DD.

[jennpn]

My son is much younger but he cried immediatly when corrected or heard "no". We have tried to say what TO DO not what not to do and he doesn't seem to interpret that as quickly as correction. I don't know if she will see past that but you could say "oh sweetie could you turn the volumn down a little'? instead of "can you please not turn it up that loud"? or "please eat your food" not "stop playing with your food" or whatever. I also try to give him time warnings so he can finish up things and really watch my tone. I also try to use humor and that works well. If he is throwing his toys and I grab him and tickle him saying "you little monkey toys are for playing not throwing!" then he is more likely to comply without tears. Hopefully you find something that works for you!