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Best evidence for swaying a skeptical father?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
I have a good friend who is pregnant again and would like a VBAC. Her first was a CS for "failure to progress" aka failed induction. Her husband is against a VBAC. She really, really doesnt want another CS. What are some things I can suggest for him to read etc. I have said I would loan them a copy of BOBB. What else? Im not interested in the notion of her doing whatever she wants without his blessing as I know thier marriage is a partnership and I for one would never suggest someone do that. I am looking for helpful, user-friendly research etc. I told her to ask him to prove to her that ERCS is safer. She liked that idea :-)

Thanks!
post #2 of 26
I would suggest that her husband pop's around the ICAN website, especially in the blog area, maybe find an ICAN meeting or chapter in her area also.
She also needs to remind him, it is not HIM having the MAJOR surgery, it is her, and if she does not wish to go through it, she shouldnt!
post #3 of 26
How about the new study done by the CDC that babies are 3x mroe likely to die if they're born via c/s?
post #4 of 26
Thread Starter 
Do you have a link to that study?

Thanks!
post #5 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama7 View Post
Do you have a link to that study?

Thanks!
http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...al.html?cat=25
post #6 of 26
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth has an entire section on why VBAC is the best and when it's absolutely not possible.
post #7 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatolevi View Post
How about the new study done by the CDC that babies are 3x mroe likely to die if they're born via c/s?
And moms are 4x more likely to die from c/s complications.

Childbirth Connection is an EVIDENCE-BASED organization with a very "rational" presentation of material that would probably appeal to a man. There's all kinds of stuff about VBAC vs. ERCS there.
http://www.childbirthconnection.com

I am a member of ICAN, a chapter leader, in fact, but find that organization to be more helpful for and appealing to women than men. JMO.

I echo the sentiment that HE is asking her to go through MAJOR SURGERY... AGAIN... for a physiologigical event. One thing that tends to make an impact too is the fact that the risk of UR in a non-induced, non-augmented VBAC is only slightly higher than the risk ALL LABORING WOMEN have for UR. Also, there are common tests and interventions, like amnio, that docs recommend that have mortality/morbidity risks that equal or exceed the risk for rupture in a VBAC.

He needs to do his research before he asks his wife to submit to MAJOR SURGERY and a hugely over-used surgical procedure. The World Health Organization recommends a c/s rate around 10% with 15% having been deemed the upper limit of reasonable. Beyond that, the risks outweigh the benefits. 31.8% (our national avg) is irresponsible, and many hospitals have rates WAY WAY over that.
post #8 of 26
I really enjoyed the book "Pushed" by Jennifer Block. I checked it out from my local library and it has great stories and lots of statistics in it.
post #9 of 26

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:33pm
post #10 of 26
Here is some info about choosing c-sections. Hopefully the links still work but mom might want to get a copy of Marden Wagner's Born in the USA; How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First. She can read pertinent passages to her dh.
post #11 of 26
Here is some darn good info. http://vbac.com/chapter38.html
post #12 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTMommy View Post
thanks. I've been moving and off the computer since Friday.
post #13 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by catspage View Post
I really enjoyed the book "Pushed" by Jennifer Block. I checked it out from my local library and it has great stories and lots of statistics in it.

YES!!!!

And how about (not to sound harsh but...) HIM having the unnecessary major surgery for no reason! It's a huge deal to have them cut into you like that, and once you have 2 c/s, the difficulty in ever having a normal, natural birth skyrockets (believe me, I'm there right now!).

She needs to tell him how important it is for her to experience childbirth the way nature intended it and he needs to trust her that she knows her own body and support her. I can not even imagine if my DP didn't support my decision to VBA2C this time. I don't even think I could be with someone who refused to consider my decision to refuse an *elective* surgery!
post #14 of 26
This could be a difficult topic for a marriage, I know I was there. My husband was not for the VBAC, yet he would not be able to give me any reasons except that ``the drs. know better" (ha-ha), and that's why they recommend a repeat C-section. He did not do any research on his own, but he did read the paragraphs and articles I showed him. What saved the day was the fact that he recognized that this should be more my decision than his since it is my body, and the fact that I was decided to do it entirely on my own (which I pretty much did). I had a very easy labor, when I felt it was time to push a friend drove me *very* fast to the hospital where after 20 minutes I gave birth to my daughter. My husband made it to the hospital in time (he had to stay home and wait for the babysitter), but he could not look . He is just squeamish and in the end I accept that because I recognize all the wonderful things that he offers as a husband and father. Birthing is something that I have to do
post #15 of 26
My husband really liked Pushed. I think he would have been supportive anyway, but that book actually got him fired up about the whole thing.
post #16 of 26
You have a greater chance of dying from the c/s or complications thereof than a VBAC. That convinced my husband.
post #17 of 26
Not to be crass, but if my DH had taken this stance (although he used to trust the drs more than he does now), I might have told him that if I had to go through major surgery again, without any indications that it was only to save mine or our baby's life, then he had to go first. He can get the vasectomy, and then I would consent to major surgery. No way I would want to do a 3rd csection, so he can take care of that part. Many husbands would rather send their wives off to do the tubal rather than maim their own bodies. So, I am sure he would have decided that we could give that VBAC a shot. Of course, that could backfire, because the friend's DH might be willing to call her bluff.

NOT my husband though, he would NEVER consider that. He won't even CONSIDER doing the colon cancer check when he gets to that age. And, I actually brought that up to him, since he isn't totally a UC fan, but he tolerates it because he trusts me. That why is it that I am suppose to let other people put their fingers in my private parts, look at my privates, and invade my privacy over and over, yet he can't have ONE rectal exam every five years? I think he understands a whole lot more. Kymberli
post #18 of 26

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/7/10 at 6:55am
post #19 of 26
My husband is the type that doesn't believe books or anything else I have read. He believes people that know what they are doing. So find someone that knows what they are doing and let them convince him. For example, with our first he thought that babies should get cereal early. He had cereal when he came home from the hospital because he was a bigggg baby (picture puffed out chest and MANLY voice LOL). When we heard the LC at our hospital talk, he totally changed his mind and was all for waiting until 6 months for solids. Find that dr or midwife that will be attending your VBAC and let him to talk them. If you are UCing you might still want to find someone to talk with him.
post #20 of 26
Don't know if this will help since my birth wasn't a VBAC...

I had my daughter at a birth center. DH, however was dead set against it at first because back in the mid 70's, his mom's first baby (a little girl) died at one. He yelled. He screamed. He even said he would refuse to drive me there. "Why can't we do it at a hospital like everyone else?"

I stood my ground and told him "Yes, I know it's your baby too, but I'm the one giving birth. What are you going to do, drag me into the hospital in labor? This is my decision and oh, I checked into your mom's case. Did those midwives have ANY certification at all?"

"No..."

"Right," I continued, "because that was before midwives and birth centers started getting regulated. You told me that she died because she needed a shot of oxygen and they didn't carry carry it, right?"

"Yeah, but.."

"DH, even home health care aides carry oxygen with them. Those people weren't even health care professionals and that wasn't a birth center. This one is. Oh, and the difference between where I want to go and the hospital is, uh, 500 FEET."

So DH reluctantly gave in. Was I bullheaded? Yes. Did I have any sense of tact? No. Did the experience of our daughter's birth eventually win him over? Thankfully, yes.

But yeah, willfullness has worked for me so far. The vasectomy card, that sounds like a good one too, haha.
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