Wow- what a hard topic and so much great advice has been given! My husband was skeptical but he came around when he saw how much I meant it. I was constantly researching and reading. Husbands do love their wives and want what is best for them. I would think that a good reading of risks of c/s to mom and baby might help. Also, she should consider having him come to an ob appt and also a midwife appt. There is tons of difference and he will likely appreciate how he is needed at one type of birth and notice how he is not needed at the other type of birth. If it is the fear factor or peer pressure (neighbors, family and church members talked to my hubby) then it needs to be confronted head on. Neither of us knew anything at c/s #2 and he was compassionate but not completely supportive at c/s 3 and 4 because of the fear, but he saw how I suffered (even if he can't know the whole of it, he still saw in part). At my last attempt he did know however that I was relying upon him to save me from the wolves- whomever they may have been. He was incredible!!! Even though I didn't vbac, I still have fond memories of the way he took care of me, the way I needed to be take care of, according to me. These memories have done much to help me in my recovery. That bond is so much more important than the rest, her husband needs to know that too. My husband knew after several years and then months before of research that stats were in my favor. Many men need time for an idea to sink in, sometimes it is best not to push the issue forcefully at first but to let them get their mind around it, in small bits and pieces so they can process. Mom has all of the feelings inside her and it is nearly impossible to get at them all, much less rationally process and then relay them to someone else, especially if that person is in any way opposed to the idea. It's not going to be easy to convince him but I recommend openness and vulnerability. Paint him the picture of protector and keeper and he'll step up to the plate. That and keep him away from the fear mongers until he's convinced. Are there any other men who could talk to him about it? Sometimes it is the power of the second person that helps. If all else fails, have him swap surgeries. I don't recommend the v but what about a random hernia surgery (unneeded of course), appendectomy or knee surgery? Even present the idea to him that way- maybe he needs a category to see how odd it is to do a surgery that isn't needed. Such a hard subject, so sorry that she is having to convince anyone else too, especially her husband. If he remains skeptical, be sure she has the support at the birth that by rights is his but that she needs if he doesn't give it.
post #21 of 26
10/10/09 at 11:13pm