Conflicted about dog's death-update:we said goodbye

[applecider]

Hi all, I thought I would post here to get some perspectives on what to do. I know deciding to put down a pet is a very personal thing but I'm just really conflicted. Our dog is 11 years old. He has two large tumors that are inoperable. He has been going downhill rapidly, but in the last weeks he can only be helped outside to go the bathroom and lays in one spot all day. He has developed bedsores that are stinky. He has not eaten almost anything all this week. He was originally my partners dog and became mine too when we got together 7 years ago. I stay home with the kids (and pets) all day so I get to take care of the dog. He is on pain meds.

My question is...how do you know it's time? I feel that maybe it is, but my partner doesn't seem so convinced. I, however, am the one with him all day so maybe it is a little more obvious to me. The dog will still eat treats and does get excited when new people come in the house. Will still bark when someone knocks on the door. Responds to his name and his ears perk up when you ask if he wants a treat. Obviously it would be much easier if he died naturally, but the vet said this could go on for a long time. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to regret ending his life prematurely, but what kind of quality does he have? When do we say enough is enough? Plus, I could really push the issue and DP would agree to it, but I don't want to feel as though I forced him into it. He was talking to the dog earlier and I overheard him saying "isn't that murder? I don't want to kill you."

Give me your thoughts.

[angie7]

I have put down my far share of dogs for many different reasons and it is never easy. You will know when it's time. They have this look in their eye and you just know. My last dog that I had to put down was a Great Dane. He was going downhill for awhile but he was always so spunky. He might not have moved around much but I would lay on the floor with him for hours just petting him and I could tell he wasn't ready yet. One day I woke up and he just looked at me with this look and I knew he was ready. I took him to the vet the next day and he was in heart failure and we put him down. He went peacefully and in our arms

I'm so sorry you are going through this He will let you know when it's time.

[babynatasha]

I feel for you, putting down a pet is a tough thing to do. It is probably very hard for your DP to come to terms with his long time companion being sick and dying. I had a harder time than my DH with our dog Sadie, but in the end I knew it was for the best. She was happy and stuff, but she was suffering. My thoughts are with you in this difficult decision.

[applecider]

That's the problem, I DO think it's time. DP is not so sure. I guess what I'm wondering is, how to you know to put them down? Or do you just wait for them to die of natural causes? How do you know what to do?

[Nicole915]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

What I tell clients is that only they will know. I tell them to try to see if the dog's life is joyful, if there are moments of happy bliss when you're snuggling together, if the dog still loves the things he once loved like his favorite bed/person/toy/treat. Does the dog still recognize everyone? Does he wag his tail? Is he too depressed from pharmaceuticals to interact?

It sounds like you're doing the right things, helping him manage his pain and assisting him when he needs to go outside. If you need help managing bedsores, feel free to send me a private message and I can dig up the client info sheet I have.

Deciding about euthanasia is an intensely personal process, but you can talk to your partner about the dog's best interests. If there is total suffering, and no joy then I believe fully that letting go is the ultimate kindness, one that I am glad that those of us who work in veterinary medicine can provide. When there is a difference of opinion about what is best for the dog, I usually recommend that the couple has a honest discussion about what they intrepret the changes meaning, and about who shoulders the brunt of nursing care. You shouldn't be made to feel that you have to do this all on your own.

If/When you do decide, you may want to find out if your vet does housecalls, or if there is a housecall vet. The difference between saying goodbye on the living room sofa and the room at the vet can be huge, depending on the animal.

[lifeguard]

The only time I've had to make this decision it was an emergency (suspected pulmonary aneuryhism that was deteriorating fast) & it has always left me peaceful I did the right thing.

I really had no idea how peaceful the process was for the animal. She was struggling breathing so for me it was very obvious how she quieted & just slowly drifted off.

I would (& with 4 current pets probably will) do it again if we felt the time was right without as much trepidation. I wish we were as kind to humans.

The housecall thing sounds like a wonderful idea & something I would definitely look into.

[Milvudeeshna]

I don't know what to tell you as we are in this situation ourselves currently. My 9 year old German Shepherd has degenerative myelopathy, but that's not what's killing her - it's the cancer we learned about last week. The doctors are still assessing our options, but right now it appears pretty hopeless. We're struggling with worry over not wanting her to be in pain (she's not, right now) or frightened. I'm subscribing to this thread.

[applecider]

Thank you for all the replies. Interestingly, last night as DP had the dog out there to pee, he was checking out the bedsores and noted that they looked REALLY bad. Plus he had to be carried back into the house and he got poop all over the floor. So DP then admitted that yes, it was time to make the call. I already talked with the vet and they will come out here and then take him back to be cremated. DP wants to scatter ashes in the river up in the mountains where they spent a lot of time. I'm so sad, but I know it has to happen sometime and I just don't think that keeping him here is doing him any favors. So I'll be making the call today and sometime this week they'll come out.

Off topic, but I"ve already talked to my four-year-old about death and he knows our kitty died in October (had to have him put down ). I am having Grandma come out and take the kids to the park while the vet is here. What I was going to do is tell ds that while he is at the park Kilo is going to die and so he won't be here when ds gets back and would he like to say goodbye. Do you think this is appropriate? He doesn't seem sad about death, just kind of matter of fact. Obviously Kilo doesn't run and play with him anymore so he basically just ignores him anyway.

[shelbean91]

I also had a vet come to the house and take our dogs (at separate times) to be cremated. I also had the kids away, not b/c I didnt want them to be there for themselves, but b/c it would be easier on our pets- the kids sometimes stressed them out. WHen our rottie died, dd was 4, the other 2 were too young, so we told her that he was really sick and he died. When our lab died, dd was 6 and we explained that she was really sick (she had a growth on her esophogus that made it hard for her to breathe- we could have operated, but she was 13 and it was a $3k operation) and the vet was coming to help her die.

I do think it's appropriate to tell your ds. After our rottie, my kids kept expecting him to come running in w/the other dogs, so we talked about it off and on for several months while they processed it.

I'm sorry for your loss- this is a very hard thing, even when you know you're making the right decision.

[applecider]

Thanks everyone. We have decided to go ahead and do it and we will say goodbye on Tuesday. Of course I just can't imagine life without him but it is for the best and will put him out of his suffering. I will miss him so much

[Nicole915]

I'm thinking kind thoughts for you and yours. You're very lucky to have a vet who is able to come to your home, it is such a different experience.

You'll want to keep a few extra towels around, to put under his rear end. It is common to have the dog lose urine or feces when everything relaxes, which isn't a big deal in the hospital but probably is more difficult to clean up at home.

Thank you for being a kind and mindful pet guardian.

[HealingBeam]

You'll be in my prayers.
It's been 3 months since we put our dog to sleep and I'm still very sad and missing her so much it hurts.

[AuntLavender]

I'm sorry you had to make that decision

About your dog. My DH realized how poorly our husky was doing when she cried out in pain when I was on the phone with him. He came home to say good-bye and I brought her to the vet to be euthanized.

I pick up her cremains tomorrow. We are going to scatter our dogs ashes too.

My children are 6, 9, 11, and 12. My youngest has Autism and my youngest dd has cried some. We got a book from the library about when a pet dies.

Sincerely,
Debra

[applecider]

Thank you.

I am so sorry to others who are going through or have gone through this. Even when it is clear that it is their time, it really does not make it any easier. I made this photo montage if anyone wants to see it. Today is the day that the vet will come. He is so ready, we took him out in the back yard last night and threw a ball around (he always got so worked up!) and he didn't seem to care much. It's almost as if, in spirit, he's already gone. Which makes it a bit easier to say goodbye. Thanks again for your kind words.

[waterproofmascara]

I know today is going to be hard for you and your family and I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[carfreemama]

Wow. I just watched your photo montage. What a full and loving life your dog led! It's obvious he was part of every single aspect of your family's life. I can't imagine how hard today is for you. I hope it brings relief and peace, too, knowing your beautiful guy isn't suffering anymore. The love in your family is just so obvious it's palpable.

[applecider]

Well, we said goodbye today. It was sad, but to be honest, he is in a much better place now. His body was just failing miserably and it is a relief to see his suffering ended. I have been crying for about a week now but I think DP held in all his tears for today. Frankly, I have never seen the man cry in all our seven years together, so the tears are flowing now. I am SO sad for DP. This was his companion from before we were ever together and he is just broken hearted.

[Freud]

I wish dogs could outlive their humans.

I'm soo sorry for you loss of Kilo. I watched your video. He was such a sweet pup. Just thinking about you you putting your dog down made me cry. We had to do it a few years ago with my childhood dog, Jake. It was seriously the saddest day of my life thus far and I still cry just looking at pictures of him. I miss him so much. He was literally my best friend from 12 years old on. I feel for you and your husband. It's sort of like losing a person, in that it doesn't necessarily get better, it's just that life goes on and it gets different.

[Freud]

I wanted to add one thing that did help a little after our dog's death. Very shortly after his death we had a little memorial rock engraved that now sits in my parent's garden. It just says his name, with a little paw print next to it and says: "He is not here. Look in your heart, he is there..."

[camera_mama]

I am so sorry. Kilo looks like he was a very sweet dog.