First DC "easy"...second NOT? What are your DCs personalities like?

[BroodyWoodsgal]

So....mamas, is it POSSIBLE to have more than one "easy" kid??

I'm about 24 weeks into my second pregnancy and we're expecting a little boy. Our DD is a DREAM of a kid....easy as pie since day one. She has her bad days and some bad nights...but really, loves to eat, loves to sleep, breastfeeding was a snap...just a walk in the park since day one.

It's starting to get annoying, that everyone wants to tell me that because my DD is so easy, my DS is going to be a "real nightmare". I mean, I've come to terms with the fact that we could be facing a more challenging child this time for the simple fact that every kid has a different personality....but it angers me a bit that people are almost wishing on me a super high needs kiddo, because I've had such an easy time with DD!

Bottom line is...if he is a really challenging babe, we're okay with that. We know the way it is with babies...they come and you fall instantly in love with them...as he grows, we'll love him even more every day, just like DD, even if he "needs" more from us...heck, this is why I'm a SAHM, so that I can be up all night and drowsy like a zombie all day and can just deal with whatever my kids throw at me, without worrying about schedules and makeup and work commitments. I'm here for THEM...so, if this next one needs the crap outta me...well, it's my job to give him what he requires! We joke between the two of us that we dodged so much "trouble" with DD that we'd consider it "coming to us" if DS were less easy going...but I don't think it's fair to him that so many people are already "calling" that he'll be really hard. He doesn't feel hard...he feels like his sister did...but we'll see when he's born!

I guess it just bugs me that so much importance is placed on "ease". Yeah, it's nice having an "easy" one...but, that's not what we love about DD. We love how sassy and smart she is, her sense of adventure and love of climbing and dancing...we don't value her for how little she seems to really want from us..it's actually all been very surprising..before we had her, we really expected it to be WAY harder to have a baby around...it's actually really nice to have this human in our lives...and we can't wait to meet our next one!

So...what are your DCs personalities like? Was your first your easiest? Or your second? Or third? All of them easy? All of them hard???

What do you think of this "Uh oh, your first is easy?? Watch out for the second!!" nonsense!?

[Eman'smom]

My SIL has two very easy kids, they both were easy since day one.

Since you asked Ds has been more than a challenge since day one, seriously if we didn't want a large family so badly we would have stopped at him, there was more than one time we seriously questioned why we even wanted him. He was and is so intense it makes my head spin, he's 8 and our baby is 16 months old, there are days he crys more and she puts more food in her mouth than he does


I think it's really just personality, you can have two high needs kids, two easy, what happens happens and you love what is great and amazing about each.

[lotusdebi]

My first was my hard one. Turns out he has sensory processing disorder and high functioning autism.

My second child is my easy one. I'm not sure that he'd be considered easy by anyone else's definition, but compared to my first, he's a breeze! He's only difficult when he's exhibiting his brother's negative behaviors.

There are some people who get all easy kids. I could envy them, but I usually don't. I feel like they're missing out on some truly educational experiences by not having a challenging child. Having a kid who is difficult no matter how you parent is truly a humbling experience. You learn not to judge others by their childrens behaviors. You learn to appreciate the little things. And you learn to really work to understand your child in order to make life easier for everyone. You can't be lazy. You have to be very hands-on. There's a whole new, truly exhausting dimension to attachment parenting! You survive it, and eventually come out stronger for it. And you find out who you can count on to stick by you.

I don't really know what to do with my easy child a lot of the time because he doesn't need me as much as my older son. He doesn't have such strong feelings about what we're doing. He doesn't depend on me so much. And this is a child who has separation anxiety and everything, so I struggle to get to the gym or be in one room while he's in another. He's not the easiest child in the world, but he's my easy child.

[honey-lilac]

Lotusdebi, I could have written your post. Down to the sensory/autism issues first and the "easy by comparison" second albeit with separation anxieties. And I highly, HIGHLY agree with the sentiment that having one or more difficult kids teaches you not to judge parents by the temperament of their children.

[felix23]

My first is a challenge, my second, so far, is a very easy going, happy baby.

[spmamma]

Averysmama, I've got #2 in the oven and I'm in a similar situation...

... except DD was very high needs so now everyone is saying, "Oh, this one will be a quiet, easy babe." I'm not keeping my fingers crossed. This babe is just as busy in the womb as DD was.

Yes, it would be nice if baby #2 is easy, but I'm not counting on it. And there is a small part of me that wishes people would stop saying that he/she will be easy because what if he/she isn't? I don't care either way because I've parented a high needs baby and am prepared to do so again. Would it be nice to have an easy babe? Yes, of course. But I don't want to build up expectations about this how this babe should behave before he/she has even entered the world.

[*Aimee*]

My first is super easy. He still is. I mean, occasional tantrums (I mean, he is THREE). My second was the most horrible baby ever.

Don't get me wrong, I love him SO MUCH. But my DH and I would just stare at each other and be like WTF have we done. We had decided to never have another baby (though I am now 11 weeks pregnant so ).

He basically screamed non stop for 11 months. And he wasn't sick or in pain. It was an angry scream. He's much better now that he can walk and has some words. I'm trying to help him realize he's being silly. He glares at everyone he doesn't know and some people he does know. After 1 year of seeing our friends twice a month it was just a week ago he would let her hold him.

Sometimes though if like, he has to share and he glares at DS1 I giggle at him then he starts giggling so I'm just helping him learn to deal with his anger.

[Mountaingirl79]

My second babe was easy peasy.

[Sierra]

Sometimes it is a personality thing between parent and child too.

I have an easier time with ds' (#1s) personality and special needs, dw has an easier time with dd's (#2s) personality and special needs. Of course we both adore and love both our children to peices, and both our kids are "easy" and "hard" in different ways, but yeah, #2 has been more of a challenge for me personally.

Is it possible to have two kids you find "easy?" Yeah, I think so (just seems rare to me). How laid back are you?

[mouthcave]

my first has been so easy for the most part. my second is only 7 weeks old but seems to be much more difficult! i mean, at this point i think it is mostly an issue of him having reflux and my first not having issues with it so who knows!

[alfabetsoup]

My two are both easy. DD2 is a bit more fiesty than DD1 and it was harder BFing her, but still: easy.

[SunshineJ]

We joke around here that DS (our first) was a "sucker baby", in that he was so good he suckered us into thinking they'd all be like that and having more! Not true, we'd have had more regardless, but after the difficulties we had with our dd, it fits. Now at 5 and 7 they're both pretty delightful!

[velochic]

I have an only. I got the best of both worlds. When dd was an infant/baby she had to be held 24/7. I mean that quite literally and I thought, "Oh, boy! Am I going to have to deal with a high-needs child?!" We went back to see family in Turkey when dd was 5 months. The temp. hovered close to 40*C (a bit over 100*F) and dd *still* needed to be held. We miserably sweated together... I would have thought she'd not want to be in my arms when we were both boiling. As it turned out, those few short weeks were no big deal and we managed, but I realized then that she would always be a clingy child. I carried dd everywhere until she started walking at 10 months.

Then after about 1 yr. when she was really able to go just about anywhere by walking, she became a dream. Even before, as long as I held her, she didn't cry, but toddlerhood was amazing. She literally *never* had even the first temper tantrum. She had early language skills so we manged to communicate early on and she ended up being a very rational kid. She's 7 now and is still a dream child. She gets a little pouty every now and again, but she doesn't talk back, is polite, is easily reasoned with, is empathetic and kind to others and really just a joy for everyone. She is still very attached. When she's home she wants to sit on my lap, she still co-sleeps, and dh calls her "glue" because she is stuck to me. So, while dd is still the clingy kid, she has always separated well from me and I would call her a really easygoing kid.

Dh and I are older and we didn't want to still be raising our kids into our late 60's and 70's, so we already decided to have just one. Dd will leave for college the same fall dh will retire at 65. We couldn't deal with a difficult child at our age. I really believe that.

Don't listen to what people say. Every kid is different and you have just as much chance of getting another easy kid as a difficult one. No matter what, he will bring joy to YOU and that is the most important thing.

[Porcelain Interior]

Mine are 13 and 7- girls.

My oldest was super mellow, literally never cried. I held her all the time, breastfed, co-slept. She never did the terrible twos, wasn't into anything like crazy furniture jumping. People always said she was like a little adult.

My youngest is more emotional, but very very well behaved and didn't get into stuff either, just really mellow. She's super wacky and fun, but totally listens and doesn't throw fits.

According to my own mother I was a super happy baby. The easy one. My older sister and brother were back arching fit throwing tempermental kids until they were about 5 or 6.

I have no clue why or how, but I think it's all about personality.

[becoming]

Both my younger two are easy as can be.

[becoming]

Originally Posted by Eman'smom

He was and is so intense it makes my head spin, he's 8 and our baby is 16 months old, there are days he crys more

This made me laugh, because this is almost exactly our situation. My almost 8-year-old is WAY harder to deal with my just turned 2-year-old. He seriously throws a lot more fits and cries more than either of my younger two (ages 3 and 2) combined!

[Eman'smom]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

Having a kid who is difficult no matter how you parent is truly a humbling experience. You learn not to judge others by their childrens behaviors. You learn to appreciate the little things. And you learn to really work to understand your child in order to make life easier for everyone. You can't be lazy. You have to be very hands-on. There's a whole new, truly exhausting dimension to attachment parenting! You survive it, and eventually come out stronger for it. And you find out who you can count on to stick by you.

Bolding mine (although I loved your whole post). This is so true. I believe I really needed to have DS and he needed to be our first, he taught me so much.

[lifeguard]

Ds is a really easy going guy. He'll play on the floor alone for an hour plus & has been content to do so since he was very little.

EVERYONE feels the need to give us dire warnings that the next one will be terrible. I don't buy it, it's totally luck of the draw. Besides, why would I want to worry about the potential trouble when I can enjoy the current loveliness?!

[mystiquesmom]

DS#1 was/is super challenging. I wasn't planning on purely APing before he was born, but it became a necessity, not a choice. I hardly put him down for the first year without him screaming his head off(and forget anyone else holding him, even if I was right beside him), co-sleeping was the only way either of us could get any sleep, I BF for 2.5 years longer than I was planning on, etc. Part of me appreciates him being being so headstrong and he is a very loving, hilarious, and sweet child. In comparison, DS#2 has been a breeze so far, but he is only 6 months, so that could change.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

Having a kid who is difficult no matter how you parent is truly a humbling experience. You learn not to judge others by their childrens behaviors.

WORD to the -ERD to this.


I was TEH AWESOME parent to DS, a very good natured, very easygoing newborn, baby, and toddler (well, OK he had witching hours for 6 week or so as a newborn, but that evaporated and he was just a delight and hardly any "work" at all). Then, DD arrived when DS was 2-1/2 and : . I ate crow, humble pie and had egg on my face, for nearly 2 years. She had extreme separation anxiety and has been an intense girl since day one. The only thing that saved my sanity was that she slept relatively well so I was able to recuperate at night.

Now both of them are challenging in their own ways, and I have learned to *rarely* say never when it comes to parenting and a child's temperament. Parenting can certainly be a factor, but inborn temperament is VERY influential, in my own experience.

Having said all that - I would not change a thing about either kid, because hen they wouldn't be them.