Who initially decided where or whether your kids go to school?

[kathymuggle]

Xposted in learning at home
This is a bit of a spin off on another thread.

Who initially decided where or whether your kids go to school?

For the purposes of the poll, I am not overly interested in whether your partner came around (although in reality I hope they did! It is best when everyone is on the same page).

Thanks!

Kathy

[StephandOwen]

I voted "the mother did" and "other". I decided when/where ds will go to school. His bio-dad is not involved at all. He knows what state we live in, but that's it. I don't think he knows the city and he certainly has no idea about anything school related.

My fiance also helped with school decisions, which is also why I put "other". But, in the end, it was completely my decision.

[eepster]

I voted mom, since I did most of the looking visiting etc. DH certainly had a say in the matter, but really his biggest concern was how much it would cost, and he wanted to make sure it was safe (he's a bit paranoid.) My parent had some input too, both b/c they help pay, and just b/c they were interseted.

[Lollybrat]

I voted that we both did, but in reality, DS's disorder did. If he were typically developing I would have wanted him to go to Catholic school. But the Catholic schools around here do not have the resources to teach a child with autism. So we agreed that the public school system is best for him. As for which school in the district, that was decided by the whole IEP team, which of course includes us. We also considered a private autism school, but we want DS to have the opportunities for mainstreaming that the public school allows.

[Alyantavid]

Whether - both of us since we work full time.

Where - mostly me, but dh agreed very easily.

[Drummer's Wife]

I voted the mother did. But ultimately, DH has always agreed with me.

We have done a variety of schooling options including: Montessori, Homeschooling/Unschooling, Montessori again, 'Regular' Public schooling, and are happily back in Montessori again.

But really, each time a change was made, I was the one who initiated it. DH may even be a bigger fan of homeschooling than I was/am. But that could be b/c he is not the one who would be home all day with them. He is definitely skeptical of traditional schooling and even though I am the one who is trained in Montessori education, he has a great understanding and respect for the theory.

[annethcz]

Mostly me. DH was flexible.

I decided to homeschool to start with, and DH was mostly okay with it. A few years later I decided to check out the local charter school and enrolled the kids in school. DH was okay with that too.

[Heavenly]

We used to homeschool and were in 100% in agreement about that and then we decided to send the kids to a private Christian school and we are in 100% agreement about that!

[laohaire]

If I wanted to HS for a while and DH took a couple years to come around, but we were in total sync before the decision had to be made (that is, while DD was still too young for school), how would I vote?

[LynnS6]

For us, it really has been a joint decision. We've had some long discussions this summer about where to send dd, since it's not entirely clear.

[Kerlowyn]

I picked all the schools that my three children go to...3 kids, 3 schools in 3 different towns! Each is going to what I know is the perfect place for them to be

DH trusted all my decisions.

[MariaMadly]

I don't know what to check for the kids making that decision?

[Linda on the move]

my kids have always had a huge say, and I find it odd that you didn't make that an option. I checked that we agreed, because we did, but it wasn't something we dictated.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by MariaMadly

I don't know what to check for the kids making that decision?

Other would be fine.

As parents, though, we do have to agree with their decision (it takes an adult to sign them up). So, if your kids wanted to go to school, and both you and your partner were 100% for it, that would be both.

If your kids wanted to go to school and you agreed, but you signed them up over your husbands reluctance or had to really argue your way into signing them up, I would say the mother did.

[MariaMadly]

I ended up checking "100% agreement." DH and I recognize our legal obligation as parents of (former) minors, and we use(d) this to act in their behalf. We do not feel that we need to agree with any decision our children make, though; our responsibility lies in supporting their decisions in a framework of health, safety, and kindness.

This did sound like a partnership dynamic question rather than a parenting one, so the box I checked reflects the situation most accurately, and hopefully in a way most helpful to you.

Thanks for the thought-provoking post!

[zuleicamoon]

I put other, as we went round in circles before ultimately agreeing that it was dd's decision. I will go sign her up tomorrow, unless during our pre-registration chat iwth the principal she fails to adequately answer any of our non-negotiable questions or answers "wrong." If that is the case, the three of us will discuss again tomorrow night and make a final decision then, as we can register her through Thursday afternoon.

Dh and I were/are most comfortable with schooling at home, and that was our plan until dd became very vocal about attending "regular" school.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Other would be fine.

As parents, though, we do have to agree with their decision (it takes an adult to sign them up). So, if your kids wanted to go to school, and both you and your partner were 100% for it, that would be both.

If your kids wanted to go to school and you agreed, but you signed them up over your husbands reluctance or had to really argue your way into signing them up, I would say the mother did.

I can't be excited about the same check off being for grandma decided and the child decided. That just doesn't make sense to me. Most likely because I don't think grandmas should ever get a vote at all and I deeply value my children's input into their own lives.

And the poll doesn't account for honest dialogue with people truly listening to each other and reaching a consensus. There's a really big difference between "you had to really argue your way into signing them up" and having a respectful conversation where both parties can hear the other person's point of view.

In one case, both parents believe that the other has the child's best interests at heart and is looking at the situation from a different and valuable point of view. In the end, a decision made from love considering different angles is reached.

In the other, one just keeps arguing until the other gives up. The one with the most perseverance wins. Which, even if we think our kids can't hear the conversation, teaches them a lot about how to relate to others.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I can't be excited about the same check off being for grandma decided and the child decided. That just doesn't make sense to me. Most likely because I don't think grandmas should ever get a vote at all and I deeply value my children's input into their own lives.

And the poll doesn't account for honest dialogue with people truly listening to each other and reaching a consensus. There's a really big difference between "you had to really argue your way into signing them up" and having a respectful conversation where both parties can hear the other person's point of view.

.

The poll really wasn't about whether your kids decided to go to school or not. It was about parents. If you really, really do not think you or your partner were involved in the decison - vote other or do not vote.

I think the poll does account for people who reach a decision they are both happy with - it is the "we both were in agrrement when we intially enrolled (or didn't) the kids in school." That options covers both partners who reached that decision through consensus, and those who agreed from the get-go. Many posters expanded on their process in the thread -and that is fine.

[AndrewsMother]

DH was against private education when we met, but few tours later he changed his mind. I did all of the research, and briefed him on my decisions. We applied to two schools, DS was accepted to both. DH wanted one school, and I wanted both. I ended up not choosing the school that DH prefered. He understood and accepted my logic, and is happy with the final decision.

[Ellien C]

This was not a huge thing for us. Our kid goes to the local public elementary school, which was pretty much the same thing DH and I did. Different schools but same idea. We never considered Private School or Home Schooling. We are both employed outside the home. There is no choice in public school where we live.