Originally Posted by Butterflymom
NOooooooooooooooo they are not boring. No way!!!! I love hearing about Moniker-less!
But let's strike up a discussion about how soon you guys would want
to hear the L word
or hear the discussion of things between you and a guy being one of being or falling "in love" in a new relationship....
ABMS, you guys have been 'on' for two weeks, is it? You met two weeks ago? or ten days? So, tell us exactly how that makes you feel. It just 'feels right' to hear it so soon, and if so, why? I'm curious. Not that you shouldn't. When lightning simply strikes two people senseless, I can understand already referring to things as 'fallin in love' within days. Totally
. But just elaborate on this experience, because I'm nosey as hell.
We had talked on the phone - just very briefly, because I had been watching his daughter, more as a favor to his mother, and he called to thank me - a couple of times I think, but didn't officially meet until a little over 2 weeks ago. We spent a week of long talks and text conversations on the phone, and the past week, we've spent pretty much every free minute together, and during the un-free minutes, we can usually be found on the phone - talking or texting - with each other. In fact, it's noon here, which means I know my phone is going to ring any minute. We've done a LOT of talking.
I don't know....you know how, after you split from someone, you make a mental list of who the perfect man would be, what he would do? It feels like I have been going down the list and checking off every single thing with this guy. It's very surreal...it feels INCREDIBLE, but even I will admit that it's a little bit scary, feeling like this about someone. I never EVER felt like this with stbx. (Yes, he's still stbx, we're still legally married. Ugh. Haven't seen/spoken to each other for over 2 years, but still legally married. Working on fixing that.) I know I loved him. Now I question if I was ever really IN love with him, or if I was just in love with the idea of being in love, you know?
In fact, we both have said to each other more than once that we appreciate how NICE the other one is to us. It's very much a shock to me that, for instance, since we've been having this discussion about how long should go between phone calls when you like someone...and moniker-less doesn't seem the least bit concerned about the dating rules, or anything like that. He makes sure I'm getting enough attention, even though he is stretched REALLY thin, and if he's thinking about me, he tells me, sometimes 20 times a day. If he goes to the store to pick up a soda, and sees something he wants to get for me, he gets it. If we're talking about something mundane like macaroni and cheese, he'll sometimes stop when he looks at me just to tell me that he thinks I'm beautiful. This is stuff I had always dreamed of, but never thought that a man like this existed.
On Sunday night, I had a major meltdown, because I am still unpacking all of my stuff from my move, and I came across the pictures of my daughter when she died. I haven't looked at them in well over a year. He happened to call during that, insisted that he come over, I told him that he didn't need to, but he did anyway. (Points!) We had a big, long, serious talk (after I calmed down), and at one point, he even said that he thought we needed to slow it down a little bit, because he can't stop thinking about me and that makes him very nervous. (Keep in mind, this is a man who is very, very religious, so, other than one relatively short make out session where hands did not wander, we haven't done anything outside of holding hands and short kisses and a lot of talking. So it's not like we've been dancing for two weeks, in terms of "slowing things down".
And I was completely honest - you know how "they" say that you just KNOW? I just know. I don't know how I know, I don't know how to describe it, I just do. I had JUST made my peace with being a single mother forever, because there was no way I was going to be able to find a man who was going to treat me as well as I treated the UAV that was my first husband. And what lands right in my lap? A man who will look right into my eyes and say something and not look away. Someone that I know is always telling me the truth. Someone who already had his "ice scraper" moment with the note with the flowers.
Someone who is constantly telling me that I am beautiful, that I am smart, that he misses me, that he can't stop thinking about me. Last week, he came over one night, we had a long talk, I was good and kissed, and I felt like I was floating on air. After he left, I just kind of stared into space for I don't even know how long, just soaking it all in. And the next day, he said he had done the exact same thing.
After my daughter died, and my older daughter was taken away that same night, and the whole ordeal afterward...I realized that life is short, and I was not going to live like there was going to be a tomorrow, because it isn't guaranteed. So when he said he wanted to slow down, I told him that I wasn't going pretend I didn't feel about him the way that I DO feel about him, but if I needed to slow it down because that's what would make him comfortable, then I'd slow it down. I didn't drop the L word, but I think that pretty much summed it all up. (And besides, I had to give HIM the first kiss - I wasn't going to say the L word first.
) I'm not stupid - I know how wonderful he is, I'm not going to blow it. I see a couple of things that I'm not totally in love with, but I don't expect perfection, and I know that that also means that I'm not blinded by the whole thing, and I still don't want to let go of this.
So last night, he was over here for dinner, the kids were playing together, we were just kind of hanging out, nothing special, and he looked right into my eyes and told me that he was in love with me. And, I don't know, it was kind of like, 'Duh, I already knew that'
, but yeah, it feels right. It feels like it could have been said awhile ago, but it's okay that it wasn't, because this entire thing has been a whirlwind and it feels like it's been longer than it really has.
If I looked at us from the outside, I'd think we were nuts.
But since I'm IN it, it feels perfect.