Originally Posted by Butterflymom
I was so shocked when I read this.
You, on the other hand, sound so un-devastated. I'm impressed, and I admire you for being so mature about what seems like the correct resolution to a pretty big difference in thinking. Congratulations on being so adult. Both of you, I suppose.
But aren't you pretty bummed out on some level? I think if I were you I'd be more than weepy and frustrated. I'm so impressed at your clam & even choice of words about all this. Wow.
I'm definitely bummed out. I'm actually more angry than anything else...but if we're going to break up over something, I'd rather it be something THAT clear cut - in my mind - than something where I'm wondering what went wrong, you know? That particular subject, as well as people who hide their bigotry behind "Christian love", really make me very very angry.
A friend of mine and I took our kids to the playground at the mall tonight. We were actually planning to go to the kids night at the church where we work, but they weren't ready when they said they would be, our kids were cranky, so we went to dinner and then to the mall playground. This is a friend who saw me pretty much every day for the whirlwind of the last two weeks.
And wouldn't you know who showed up? Moniker-less and his daughter. They just happened to be walking the mall at the same time, she saw her friends, that was the end of that.
He came over and sat down. My friend kind of busied herself with the kids while making big bug-eyed WTF looks at me. He just kind of talked to me like nothing had happened. It was very strange. About 10 minutes later, they started closing the storefronts, so we all left, and he asked if he could give me a hug and I told him no. And then later got a text message that he shouldn't have been surprised by that, but it hurt his feelings.
He called and we talked for a few minutes, and he said that the reason that he reacted the way that he did was because everything had moved so quickly and he couldn't think straight when he was around me and yada yada, and I told him that *I* was not the one that dropped the L word, and that nobody held a gun to his head and told him to say it. Yes, I was the one that kissed him first, but it wasn't until the second "date". But that still didn't excuse the fact that we're clearly two different people on some big issues, and that he is very obviously looking for a mother for his kids, and not a girlfriend/potential wife, despite what he says, and I'm not into stepping into the role that his mother is already playing to those kids. I don't want that to be my whole deal. And didn't we already decide that this wasn't working?
We had made plans to hang out with all the kids tomorrow, but that was back before this whole mess, and I just assumed that that was off and went ahead and made other plans. He apparently assumed that it was on, and asked what time they should be here in the morning, and I told him that I had made other plans. He was disappointed. I don't understand. Either we're together, or we're not, and if we are, we have to be able to at least have a mutual respect for the other's opinion on big stuff, or it's not worth wasting our time together, and it's not fair to our kids to wishy washy this all out. And I'll be the first to admit, the only respect I have for his opinion on that particular subject is that he is reading from one interpretation of the Bible, and doesn't do the research into why it's written like that, and, to be fair to him, he's always said he believes in the literal word of the Bible. And I think it's almost easier to go through life that way. (I think it was you, Sagesgirl, that mentioned that when you go back to the aramaic or greek version of that particular passage, the word they use most likely refers to pederasty, and not homosexuality. If we even get into that subject again, I already know that I'm going to be hitting a brick wall when I take that approach.)
On top of that, he told me earlier this week, before the argument erupted, that he couldn't kiss me anymore, because that made him have passionate thoughts for the rest of the day/night. Well, I'm sorry, but even if we can agree on the bigger issue at hand, I'm not getting groped, I'm not getting skin to skin contact, and we're definitely not dancing. If I can't at least be kissed - and at least once a week, GOOD and thoroughly kissed, iykwim - then no, you cannot be my boyfriend. Period.
I'll give him a chance to sort out his thoughts, but I doubt anything will come of it.