Am I needy?
I feel like I need some little daily moment of making connection with the guy that I'm crushing on. It could be a cute text message from him, it could be a 5-10 minute phone call where I really feel like he's present and 'into' the conversation (making me laugh, confiding in me, whatever), etc, and sometimes more than that, if schedules are relaxed and open for it. Do you guys also feel like in the time frame of 1-3 days you pretty much need some sort of connection to occur, or you start to feel like the person might have evaporated out there in the stratosphere? Of course in a longer term relationship I could feel differently, ....things with the G.A. are pretty fresh, new, and uncertain, but.....I don't think I'll change. If there's a guy out there who has me on the brain, and wants very much that I'm thinking of him as well (and not some other guy(s) ) then I would assume he should initiate (at least 50% of the time him initiating) some form of contact, every day or every other day, just to keep things rolling along and feeling 'on.' Am I alone in this?
Like, Sunday night, the GA called me and we spoke for a long time. Like an hour or so. It was a great call, and he pushed back his appropriate 'bedtime' to let it go on longer than he intended. Then on Monday, he's back at work and I hear nothing. So I text him something cute. He texts back several hours later something equally interesting, and that's that. No call in the evening. Fair enough. The next day, nothing all day. Nada. Then at 10pm I see him on facebook. I message him there through the chat program and we have a little chat back and forth and he says he's gonna go to sleep soon, when his washer finishes it's cycle and he can hang up his laundry. I suggest that if he's bored washing the machine spin and needs someone to help him stay awake until the end, he could call me and I'd talk to him and entertain him. He continued chatting instead, politely averting my offer to switch to the phone. We chatted awhile longer and then he went to bed.
: Now today it's halfway through the day, and nothing. If he doesn't actually *call* me tonight, I'm gonna feel weird. Then it will be 3 full days since we spoke or really had much connection at all, across these hundred miles, and I dunno, that just doesn't really sit well with me if it continues to a fourth full day or even a fifth. It seems like if someone out there really is crushing on you, but are busy, they should wisely take advantage of how quick and easy it is to send some electronic 'hello' towards their target of interest. Takes me less than one minute to text him something catchy and sweet (or naughty), and I'm not suggesting we blow each other's cell phones up all day, the man is an engineer and they expect him to work at work, but hell, less than a minute? Once or twice on a break or at lunch should be totally workable. Or then a every day or two phone call to catch up. Am I being completely needy????
: Be honest with me. I'm not asking for anything more than a chance to hear his voice maybe 3 times a week even if it's not a long call, or then hear from him via a few words pretty much daily, sent to me electronically, to let me know that he's at least thinking of me, even if he doesn't have time to hang out on the phone with me.
The hazard here is that if I don't feel 'on' with a guy, and there are stretches of time where I'm not seeing him, then I start to not feel 'on' with him anymore and end up wandering towards other options consciously and/or subconsciously. The larger issue is that it's a long distance relationship and I'm not ok with the thought of spending two weekends per month with this guy if things progress. I have every other weekend free so that's 4 days in a given month where the G.A. and I could potentially devote to each other, if he were to stay in the town he's at. It's not an indefinite arrangement I could live with.
: I just can't handle that limited contact. I want someone *IN* my life, not on the periphery of my life. If it gets to that level.... kwim? Obviously in the first 6 months seeing one another for some fun about once a week would be plenty, but having to cut it down to connecting twice a month seems sparse. I wanna get to know him so I can know if this is the potential for something real, and I need to spend time with him to do that. I'm nervous already that the distance is gonna be the killer. Guy in Brussels certainly made me wary of LDRs, even though a two hours drive is a lot more surmountable than a 3 hour flight. But the point is that, just like with the guy in Brussels, this guy is gonna have to sell his home, move to my city, and get a new job, all in order to see where things go (i.e. give things a reasonable chance at panning out), with me. That's a lot of pressure to put on a budding romance, no matter how you slice it. I'm not entirely comfortable with it. And of course I'd never request all that, directly, but certainly not put up a fight if this guy wishes to do those things in order to see me regularly and appropriately as 'a boyfriend,' eventually. I know this guy is thinking about us being an item longer term....he's mentioned me to his friends, I've met one of them, he is talking about coming to my birthday party which happens in six weeks and has made jokes requesting certain special treatments for when he turns 30 in November (that's 3 months from now, ladies, in case you glossed over that)..... but what I haven't said to him is that a) I don't know if I can handle seeing him only twice a month for the rest of the calendar year, if he prefers that I am exclusively seeing him (and I know he is full-on hoping that no other men catch my eye and wants that I'm the only guy in his life but also hasn't tried to initiate a serious exclusivity conversation just yet, because it's so soon) and b) he's gonna have to at least put the plan into motion, on relocating into my zip code, in the coming months (actual move could happen next year but it would have to be already explicitly worked on and me to know he's doing everything he possibly can to make it happen as soon as he can) or I think it will fall apart due to my simply feeling like.....he's there and I'm here and his life is there and my life is here and that's the way it is.
Why can't I stop typing? I've got like ....diarrhea of fingertips-making-contact-with-the-QWERTY.
Before you guys think that I'm being a complete psycho in terms of wanting him to move, let me just mention that he hates the town he lives in at the moment, has only been there 2 years, and neither his friends nor family are there. His job is also suddenly up in the air due to his company getting purchased and his old role there vanishing, so he's at a crossroads in his career and the majority of jobs in his field (heck the majority of JOBS) in this country are here in my zip code anyways. It would make a lot of sense all around for him to move here and work on his career, and since he has no personal reasons to stay....
: It seems like a no-brainer. Unless he really itches to move to his hometown, but he makes it sound like he's more interested in moving to a bigger area with more things to do and maybe someday down the line moving to his hometown where most of his friends and all his family live. Moving to my area wouldn't make him any further from his hometown than he is now, the driving time would remain the same to visit neices and nephew and sisters and parents, so that doesnt' make it less attractive.... From where I sit the only drawback would be selling his home in this market and having to go through the trouble of arranging a new employer and place to live. But he's very employable and I think the new employer would include a furnished apartment as part of compensation to lure him over here and even cover relocation expenses. Selling the apartment might kinda suck right now, though.
Ya'll think I'm psycho, right? After 3 dates I'm already thinking these things? It's just that.... I want things between the GA and I to have at least the chance to flourish ....and if they are cut off from oxygen (my little metaphor for having time to be around each other) they will die, plain and simple. I want it to not work out because of compatibility issues or 'just not the right one' kinda conclusions for whatever reason. Not because of a hundred miles between us and having schedules that don't match up very well in terms of seeing each other very much, with our respective other commitments.
The silver lining is that he seems and has said explicitly that he's willing to do some driving to come see me on random week days after work, when he can dig out early and hit the road and be here in time to take me to dinner, and he's got a flexible timetable at work so he could even stay in bed with me until *I* have to get up before driving the two hours to work from my place. He has said that he doubts that if I ever angle and try to tempt him into doing that, he'd ever be able to say no. However, four hours of driving time in a 20 hour time period, plus the expense (more than 50 bucks) of gas, is not something that will really prove to lubricate and encourage our relationship to thrive.
: I could see that getting old real fast. Or maybe it'll just put a bee in his trousers in terms of getting him antsy about looking for a better job, here in the capital city area.
Gonna try to shut up now....sooooo hard......