*~*'~* August Dating Thread *~*'~* Gettin' our feet wet and doin' the 2 step! *~*'~* - Page 3

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by DanishMom

I agree - I DON´T think there is anything needy in wanting a text message every day even though he is busy. I would want and expect the same!

Same here I've noticed we both hang around msn on 'away' status, waiting for the other one to message first - cause neither one of us wants to look desperate or like we don't have better things to do! lol

So, blissfully, head over heels in love over here. It's sickening, lol. In my position, it's been next to impossible to keep the kids out of it, but we play it cool around them. No touching, no side ways glances, etc. - my six year old is too quick for that, lol.

At this point, I'm just letting her get used to the idea of having my gf around - period, before introducing the concept of any kind of romance. My toddler doesn't notice either way - she's with my gf all day at the daycare centre!

Had a couple of tough talks, considering the flack I'm getting from my ex-ils and ex... which is fine, I just wanted her to know that I wasn't concerned about their reaction, we were being above board behaviour wise... and that if I give my ex enough rope - he'll eventually hang himself.

I'm being uber polite and accomodating, making sure I follow our agreement to the letter, tracking/recording calls & visits, just to make sure he doesn't pull anything fast.

Annnnywayyyyy, lol. About my gf - she is too sweet, funny, super cute and very active (which is good, cause the girls and I don't stop, I needed someone who was busy doing stuff and wanted to be busy doing stuff with us! lol) She loves my kids desperately (hasn't said as much, but I can see it) and while I realize we're still in the honeymoon stage, I have really good feelings about this.

Everything's smokin' around here too And that's all I'll say in that regard, lol. Hope that's okay She told me right from the get go that she was looking for something more than a fling, and that while we should just focus on having fun and getting to know each other right now - she's looking for something long term.

Yaeah! lol

Well, off to catch up on everyone else's dating stories!

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Ceinwen

Same here I've noticed we both hang around msn on 'away' status, waiting for the other one to message first - cause neither one of us wants to look desperate or like we don't have better things to do! lol

So, blissfully, head over heels in love over here. It's sickening, lol. In my position, it's been next to impossible to keep the kids out of it, but we play it cool around them. No touching, no side ways glances, etc. - my six year old is too quick for that, lol.

At this point, I'm just letting her get used to the idea of having my gf around - period, before introducing the concept of any kind of romance. My toddler doesn't notice either way - she's with my gf all day at the daycare centre!

Had a couple of tough talks, considering the flack I'm getting from my ex-ils and ex... which is fine, I just wanted her to know that I wasn't concerned about their reaction, we were being above board behaviour wise... and that if I give my ex enough rope - he'll eventually hang himself.

I'm being uber polite and accomodating, making sure I follow our agreement to the letter, tracking/recording calls & visits, just to make sure he doesn't pull anything fast.

Annnnywayyyyy, lol. About my gf - she is too sweet, funny, super cute and very active (which is good, cause the girls and I don't stop, I needed someone who was busy doing stuff and wanted to be busy doing stuff with us! lol) She loves my kids desperately (hasn't said as much, but I can see it) and while I realize we're still in the honeymoon stage, I have really good feelings about this.

Everything's smokin' around here too And that's all I'll say in that regard, lol. Hope that's okay She told me right from the get go that she was looking for something more than a fling, and that while we should just focus on having fun and getting to know each other right now - she's looking for something long term.

Yaeah! lol

Well, off to catch up on everyone else's dating stories!

I'm so happy for you two. I'm glad you were patient and it panned out. I did have a feeling it would end like this though I don't know why.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Butterflymom...if that is needy, then count me in too. I expect SOMETHING every day, and I usually SEE moniker-less every day. In a long-distance relationship, more communication is kind of required.

[Sagesgirl]

I am getting used to WD's communication schedule. It helps me be a little better about relaxing. I hear nothing Sun/Mon, usually get a mass e-mail Tuesday (but occasionally not til Wednesday) and then we go back to the one-on-one thing of e-mail every day until Sat. Now that I know not to expect anything those two days, it works. I'd like every single day, but I know it's not going to work like that. Today (by which I mean Wed., since I haven't gone to sleep yet) I actually got two e-mails instead of just one! The time difference generally means if I message him past noon or 1 I won't hear anything more til the next day; but today I got a message from him around 11:30pm his time. Last line said something about "the city is hopping" which, really, is not something you want to hear given the city in question. I sincerely hope he was going out tomcatting or something, given the alternatives.

I have a giant crush on this guy. Honestly, my ex-husband was a little on the dumb side. I am now discussing the philosophy of history and of war. It's like my brain woke up and is now doing its own little happy dance. I am absolutely tingly.

I expect SOMETHING every day, and I usually SEE moniker-less every day.

Just for the record, moniker-less is my new favorite nickname.

[LoveOhm]

Ceinwen - I am sooooo happy for you. Your GF sounds like a sweetie and it seems you are being smart about how you have the kids interact with her.

Butterflymom - Let's not forget WD has been away from work for weeks and a lot of change has gone on there so he may really need his energy there. I don't think you are needy I think you are really into him and that it could be in your best interest to busy yourself and let him do some courting or at least meet you half way in the communication department. That said as a relationship progresses and is heading toward being exclusive I am honest with the man in my life and tell him "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere" this does not mean that I'll cheat attention comes in several forms..... but I do expect to speak/text/interact in some way everyday and I expect to see the person in my life on a regular basis at least once a week if not more..... but that is me and my needs once I am taken off the dating market.

[JohnnysGirl]

I think sometimes I have a moment where I would appreciate contact just to be reassured that he's 'into' me or 'diggin' on me' or whatever, but most of the time I do feel like he's telling the truth....that he hasn't had a serious, intense crush in years and now he's totally smitten with me, and he's enjoying it very much and just does not feel the need to connect with me across these hundred miles, every single day, to keep it alive on his end.

I trust that he's thinking about me, counting down until we see each other in four days, and just kinda cool with that. Not needing to hang out on the phone every night or every other night (ok, actually now it's been 3.5 days and if we talk tonight that will be 4 full days without talking and if it's tomorrow night then it's 5. sheesh.)..... and I don't really take it that he's not that into me..... I just take it that he has a more laid back personality type and perhaps just gets less out of phone conversations than I do. Like, he enjoys them when we have had a few good ones, but he doesn't seem to crave getting me on the phone. Unless he's out with friends and has had alchohol, and then he's obsessed about me and either thinks of me, talks about me, and/or calls me on the phone to tell me how sick his friends are from hearing about me.


BUT, and here's the big BUT.... we are not in the same city, we are at a distance from each other. This is the beginning and his personality/habits are giving me a sign of what will be to come if we continue to see each other..... and I know that I will feel kinda 'on my own' in life if I don't hear a peep out of him for a couple of days. Or if I get a text message from him that's kinda cute and cool is that supposed to tide me over for 4-6 days without him calling me at all? And I'm a chatty person and enjoy talking to him if I'm spending the night in after putting the kids to sleep or if I'm just in by myself, and I'd like to be able to just call him whenever I feel like it without worrying that I'm irritating him. If we're gonna see each other infrequently and the communications in between are infrequent, I'm afraid that so far I'm not getting what I need to really stay focused on the thing we've started up, on my end. I'm not gonna be able to feel that the thing is 'on' enough to keep from seeing other people and doing other things that puts me out there where I might meet other men, etc....

In other words, I know what kind of romantic/social outlet I'm looking for from one single man and if it's not all going in his direction simply because of his style, then I probably will end up getting part of those needs met elsewhere. And maybe never really get in that 'place' of really falling for him all the way, because it's just so sporadic and sparse, the time spent together. Like I said, just proximity being around each other is oxygen for this to grow and establish into something real, and depriving something organic of oxygen doesn't work out too well, at least in human-land. Keeping up contact through technological means in the interims would perhaps bridge the gap between what's possible in terms of logistics/distance until he would be able to figure out his life and see if he would be moving here. But it's not happening, so far. I don't blame him for his style or me for mine, but if it's not a match, it's just not a match. KWIM? I dont' want to put pressure on him or get him to change and send messages or call me when he doesn't genuinely want to, and I don't think I should feel bad for feeling a little lack-of-connection from him if I haven't seen him or heard his voice for many days, and I don't think I should have to feel like I am needy and try to change my own natural habits if I'd like to pick up the phone and call him to hear his voice if I haven't spoken with him in a couple of days, but I find myself doing that.....

If we lived nearby and we could see each other every...I dunno, 4-9 days without any logistical barriers, and that was the status quo for the forseeable future, then I'd not give this a moment's thought because before I knew it, we'd be going to see a movie together again, or hanging out at a park, or cuddled on my sofa, and I'd see with my own eyes where things are going and what connection is there or isn't there. The contact in the interim would be far less important, and nearly nonexistent in terms of significance if we were hanging out, say, nearly twice a week. But even though at the moment we seem to have managed to swing weekly meetings (albeit brief), the forseeable future looks like it's gonna be twice a month and like sagesgirl said, that's not time for the warts and everyday stuff to come out. We'll be on best behavior and not really ourselves (or that's the danger), and it's not a good way to learn each other and figure out what's actually there in terms of long term potential.

Then again, I think I'm just nuts. He's smart, handsome, sweet, funny, great with kids (from what I know about his involvement with his 5 young nieces and nephews from his sisters), has a great relationship with parents and both sisters (that says a lot, that he's tight with an older sister and a twin sister and his mom....much higher chance of treating women wonderfully), highly educated and employable, my age (not younger! Why won't 22-26 year olds leave me alone?!), we have a great time doin stuff together, or nothing at all, and he has even been once on the phone once for 5 hours in a row and we both loved the marathon talk, he's an amazing dancer, and totally into me (I really believe that last part is true). Just because he's a two hour drive away and doesn't need to spend every evening gabbing with me is hardly a dealbreaker. right? He's been hinting from the first online chat that he's a) looking/ready for something serious, should the right gal come along and is not interested in only meaningless 'fun' and b) he's not phased by the distance because he loves his car and driving it and getting out of a town he hates for the weekend or even a random overnighter and c) he has also hinted that he's happy to move to this city in the short term, if he has a good reason and gets a job here (which he totally could). So.... I should stop obsessing, and boring you guys, right? Just count myself lucky that I found such 'a catch.' ? Right?

[Seie]

Butterflymom: Relax and listen to your intuition. My BF wasnt much into daily contact to begin with. He preferred to take things slow and so we did. It was really hard for me, but now that we know eachother much better all those insecurities are gone. Now we do talk every day and now I know that even if I dont hear from him for a couple of days he would be totally fine with me calling if I need to talk. Try to respect him from what he is at this point and dont worry too much about different needs just yet. Its very difficult to get the right picture about that stuff so early on.

I wouldnt be saying this if you werent getting such good vibes from him - but since you are - try to relax a bit. If you really need to call him I'd say go ahead. iF its been three -four days already that wouldnt be needy.

Hugs - he sounds very promising IMO..

[JohnnysGirl]

I didn't know there was a page 2. Now that I posted something, I noticed that there are 5 other posts I didn't see!

Ceinwen, it sounds great!!!!!!!!! ::::::: Keep us in the loop, darling. And dancing details, in private, pretty please? I love hearing about sexy sambas..... :

LoveOhm, YES!!! You get it! (actually all of you all seem to get where I'm coming from) "That said as a relationship progresses and is heading toward being exclusive I am honest with the man in my life and tell him "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere" this does not mean that I'll cheat attention comes in several forms..... but I do expect to speak/text/interact in some way everyday and I expect to see the person in my life on a regular basis at least once a week if not more..... but that is me and my needs once I am taken off the dating market. " --exactly!!! It doesn't necessarily mean 'cheating', but interacting with someone, definitely. I'm not a loner/solitary person. I'm very (read: most highly) social and if I'm not jokin' and telling my stories and sharing my thoughts with a guy, at least on the phone, then I'll probably be doing it with someone else. And that person may be a guy. It's just a risk, on his side, in terms of leaving part of my social needs unmet, because something *might* end up starting up with another man. Not necessarily, but it's a risk. But maybe he doesn't WANT to take me off the dating market. It seems like he really does, though. A couple of thinly veiled comments about how he hopes that no one else catches my eye, wants only me, etc....

Thanks for the right words, LoveOhm. I was thinking, "How am I going to tell him that he'd better keep up on our interactions, lest I forget about him, replace him, or start juggling several guys and have him, most likely, lose his shot at scoring exclusivity with me?" I mean, it's kind of a crappy ultimatum to give and I don't want to even slightly pressure him to do more than he wants, since it's not even going to be quality interaction anyways if it doesn't come from his genuine desire to be in touch with me/hear my voice/send-me-a-message. KWIM? I don't wanna be all 'rabbit boiling' on him after a third date. But either it's heating up and growing into something.... or it's not, in terms of how I feel and my state of mind. Leaving me dangling for several days just won't work for me, plain and simple.

I think I'd like to just plagarize our goddess LoveOhm and say, "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere" but I don't have the balls. Perhaps just make a little joke with him and mention about how phone-chatty and SMS-happy I am, and then immediately deliver the phrase, "I simply need a lot of attention" but with a fun smirk, and in a tone that lets him know that 'ha ha, this is all quite funny, but....I'm also not really kidding about that last part. it's true." ........Then I'll closely gauge his reaction and see if it seems like he gets it and see what he says, and if he doesn't seem to have absorbed the message, I'll continue to drop it into conversation the phrase, "You've figured out by now that I need a lot of attention, can you handle that?" but in a fun, cute way, even mid-make-out-session when we are live, to give it even a sexy-vibe about how as a woman I do need a lot of attention, as well as because I am a total social butterfly. He'll surely get the message if I mantra it to him a few times, in a fun way. Sort of like making it seem like a treat, and that he's a lucky SOB that he gets to be the one to meet my needs (which is totally true, he is lucky to have 'turned my head' and gotten me interested in the possibility of having all my needs met by him).

If the time goes really well between us and I'm totally even more into him after Sunday (when we'll get 18 hours together), then perhaps I'll see how the following week goes, communication-wise, and what sorts of plans he makes for seeing me Aug 14-16 (I think at this point he should spend that whole weekend with me, here, as we could really use the 60 hours to bond and get to know each other to find out if all this distance-hassle is totally worth it or not).... before having a more serious conversation about 'us.' Aug 17-23 will be a full week where we can't see each other at all and let's see if he a) keeps up contact with me that week, b) again arranges to see me on the sunday 23rd for an 18-hour-chunk of time/overnighter, the same way he's doing this sunday, and c) how that following week (24-28th) goes, in terms of contact. If, by the end of the month, I'm happy with his overall level of effort in my direction, I won't bring up anything more in terms of, "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere" because it will seem like he gets that. If I'm not happy and satisfied with the amount of contact and time with him, in the coming 4 weeks, and feel like I would like, simply, more from him than he's giving me, then I'll talk with him directly and openly about it at that point, because then it will have been about two solid months we have been seeing each other and at that point it's not unreasonable to have a "this seems to be something, so let's discuss, directly, the relationship, and how it's working for both people and resolve any issues if possible....or, otherwise, chalk it up to it just not having 'panned out' for whatever reason" kind of talk. So I think I'll try to play it very casually, and not 'sweat him' and give him room to miss me, and just be very friendly and available when HE initiates communication with me, but not bug him..... and see him on Sunday. And take things from there for the coming 3+ weeks, and see if my issues with the distance/communication seem to resolve themselves and things seem to be growing and establishing themselves or not.


Do I obsess too much? I already know the answer to that, sorry, just had to say that.

[JohnnysGirl]

Like LoveOhm said about being taken 'off the dating market' and like I have mentioned with the G.A., or he has mentioned to me, guised as 'kidding', about wanting to take me off the market...... I should maybe drop it into conversation on sunday how much I enjoy his cute texts and talking to him on the phone and something like, "I guess you know you're really ready to be taken off the dating market when even a girl like me, who normally does not sit at home alone, would rather hang out on your couch at home, and text back and forth or chat on the phone with one particular guy, than go out clubbing or go spend time with others....." with a smile and a wink. And maybe follow up with, "But I don't wanna bug you and besides, I always seem to be able to find fun or even gather a party around me, if I have time on my hands. I guess I have a 'gift' for socializing."

Do those words make sense and not sound conniving and manipulative, but just totally honest? :

[Ione]

Too complicated, Butterflymom. Way too complicated.

Next time he jokes about "wanting to take you off the dating market", just say something like:

When you're ready to do more than want it, let me know and we'll talk terms.

He'll either change the subject--in which case, I'd say he's smitten but not ready to take the next step.

Or he'll ask about the terms. Then you simply say that, to get off the dating market, especially in a long-distance relationship situation, you need him to initiate (and reciprocate) some kind of contact to keep the embers glowing (email, text(s), short phone call) daily, and more meaningful contact (longer conversation or whatever) at least every X amount of days.

No need to go into why. That's just the way it is. If he's serious and if he wants you to forgo all contenders, he needs to do X, Y, Z. End of story. He'll either step up to the plate. Or he won't.

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

Like LoveOhm said about being taken 'off the dating market' and like I have mentioned with the G.A., or he has mentioned to me, guised as 'kidding', about wanting to take me off the market...... I should maybe drop it into conversation on sunday how much I enjoy his cute texts and talking to him on the phone and something like, "I guess you know you're really ready to be taken off the dating market when even a girl like me, who normally does not sit at home alone, would rather hang out on your couch at home, and text back and forth or chat on the phone with one particular guy, than go out clubbing or go spend time with others....." with a smile and a wink. And maybe follow up with, "But I don't wanna bug you and besides, I always seem to be able to find fun or even gather a party around me, if I have time on my hands. I guess I have a 'gift' for socializing."

Do those words make sense and not sound conniving and manipulative, but just totally honest? :

Way too complicated!!! I agree with Ione. When you're ready to do more than want it, let me know and we'll talk terms. I might change "terms" to "how we can make it work to the satisfaction of both of us/in a way that suits us both" .... whatever.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Originally Posted by Sagesgirl

Just for the record, moniker-less is my new favorite nickname.

LOL, still having a hard time coming up with something clever! That one may just have to stick.

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

But either it's heating up and growing into something.... or it's not, in terms of how I feel and my state of mind. Leaving me dangling for several days just won't work for me, plain and simple.

And, being someone who also feels the same way, and now knows that there is at least one man that exists that isn't afraid to come on too strong when strong feelings are there, I think it's perfectly okay for you to say that. But then again, I'm the type of person who would rather not waste her time with someone who isn't willing to waste their time with me, you know? It stinks, but it's better than worrying about it all the time. Is he going to eventually be the man with the ice scraper, or is he going to think that you're fine doing it all on your own and you always have been fine with that?

In my news...moniker-less is going to court today to finalize what was temporary emergency custody of his 3yo DD. The older two's mother (who has zero custody, but ML allows occasional visitation because he is way too nice) was supposed to have the older ones overnight last night and all day today, because school starts next week. She canceled (just like she canceled earlier this week) because - get this - she's sick. (And we're not talking the flu, we're talking maybe a head cold.) I wonder what she thinks the rest of us do with our kids when we get sick.

So that means I'll have five kids for the better part of the day today. The little ones (mine are 4 and 1, and then his 3 yo), I am very good at entertaining. The older boys (8 and 10) are always "bored". I'm not used to that age group, and certainly not used to the male version of that age group, so I'm struggling, but I guess I'm going to have to figure it out somehow.

I decided that when I was going to be ready to date, I didn't want to date anyone with kids, because I didn't want to put up with visitation and every other weekend and blending families and what not. And because my kids essentially have no "dad" (DD doesn't remember him, DS has never met him...and I'd like to keep it that way), I wanted to find someone who was willing to step in with that role. What are the chances that I end up with a man who has full custody of all of his kids?

[Seie]

Oh well- I know if a guy said that to me - "I expect you to be in touch with me every day or I will have my need for communication met elsewhere" i would be moving on pretty soon after that.. Try to flip the coin. What would you all think about a guy who was all over you like that from the get go?

I still think you should listen to your intuition (Butterflymom that is) - this time telling you that this guy IS into you, that he DOES mean business, that he DOES care about you for real - and then give him some time to digest it all and miss you before making any list of demands. If you really feel like you want to be exclusive with him - why not just ask him if he is considering you two exclusive till you know what direction things are heading? If things turn out to be serious it could be cause for hurt and pain if one of you was dating elsewhere and the other wasn't kwim?

Ceinwen: Im so happy to hear you are so much in love and happy It sounds very promising from what you tell about you two together

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by Ione

Too complicated, Butterflymom. Way too complicated.

Next time he jokes about "wanting to take you off the dating market", just say something like:

When you're ready to do more than want it, let me know and we'll talk terms.

He'll either change the subject--in which case, I'd say he's smitten but not ready to take the next step.

Or he'll ask about the terms.

: I do agree there is not need to overthink at this point there is a crossroads where you can discuss the terms of your relationship should you decide to be a couple.

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by Seie

Oh well- I know if a guy said that to me - "I expect you to be in touch with me every day or I will have my need for communication met elsewhere" i would be moving on pretty soon after that.. Try to flip the coin. What would you all think about a guy who was all over you like that from the get go?

Seie - A guy I dated before dd'd dad did in fact say that to me.... well he said my quote earlier in this thread but same general principle. At that point in my life my career was my life and I felt he was too "needy" for me but his clear knowledge and communication of his needs in the relationship is something I have always respected and it helped me later down the road realize I needed the same things just at that time that he said that to me those needs were being met thru my job.......... but yes we went separate ways because a relationship at that time would not have met both of our needs and I am happy neither of us went deeper into the relationship before we found this out! Oddly enough he & I have thought of eachother over the years and very occasionally date now, he is the one I named PrettyBoy but he is not in my top two so he is not mentioned often.

I have also said this to others and no one has been offended or ran away due to it. But I also wait until the point Ione mentioned to discuss what being exclusive would mean for me....... the only man who has completely failed in meeting that need was dd's dad not by not calling daily (he did that) but by not spending the quality face to face one on one time I crave.

I think men can say they want dance every other day, once a week, two times a month etc. it is perfectly fine to say you want XYZ that matters to you because all relationships be them friendships, relationships or partnerships require a balance of give and take but in order to meet those needs your other half needs to know what those needs are.

In example you have a strong desire to have a baby imagine IF you never told BF this...... that would not be fair to the relationship since it is something that affects you to your core. My need for attention from my man (if we are exclusive) is also a core requirement and yes I am willing to walk away if the need cannot be met.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by Seie

Try to flip the coin. What would you all think about a guy who was all over you like that from the get go?

It's not the get-go. It's 4+ weeks after we met. We've met three times and all three times it's involved crazy amounts of logical arrangements to do so and he has said that he already skips 'going out' to bars or whatever, with guy friends, because he has lost all interest in 'easy' conquests and instead much prefers to hang out on the phone with me, or simply feels that there's no point to him being out there, because he knows who he is interested in and I'm not out there in bars in his town, I'm in this other city. He even texted me an SMS once when he suddenly jumped up near closing town after all his other single pals had hooked up with other women and had abandoned their 'boys night out' for new ladies, and several were coming on to him, but he just stumbled out in his tipsy state and walked home, texting me that, "I'm just not interested in other women anymore, I am only interested in one particular smart and interesting woman I know of who isn't around here." So, like Seie said about my intuition about this guy....yeah, I really believe he's totally into me. He has even said directly that it has been a looooooong time since someone's 'spun around his head' like this and he's been crushing so insanely hard on someone and it's great to remember what this feels like, again, after a couple of years of just not meeting anyone who he really felt was so darned special. I don't think he's playing me or BSing me, I believe him. It's just that some days he has a lot going on and I don't get much out of him. I don't think now is the time to lay down the gauntlet.

AT four weeks and having seen each other 3 times, I don't think we're there yet. But after a couple of more periods of quality time and 3 more weeks, I think I will say it explicitly if need be.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by AlwaysByMySide

Is he going to eventually be the man with the ice scraper, or is he going to think that you're fine doing it all on your own and you always have been fine with that?

OMG, ABMS, I think you just came up with a great catch-phrase/euphamism for our group. I love that ice scraper = fabulous romantic dream partner now, after I shared stories about my stepdad and his romantic everyday gestures to my mom. This question really struck home to me because a) of course I totally knew what you meant by 'ice scraper' and b) good freakin' point! Some guys just do not and would not ever have it in them to be that kind of person. Just not.........romantic. In that definition that several of us have agreed this week that 'romantic' really means, on that other thread. It's a good 'test of mettle' to stop and ask yourself about a contender, "Is he eventually going to be the man with the ice scraper?" because sometimes the answer is a glaring, "NO" with certain playboys and prettyboys (not YOURS LoveOhm, now I'm using the phrase generally) and supermen and alpha-males. They'd never do something like that, and you can pretty much just smell that a mile away from those types. But only when you stop and really force yourself to ask that question to yourself "out loud" (in your head, obviously). And be honest with yourself and not prefacing your answers in your head with, "But down the line, if he really grows up, and if he matures, and if he realizes how amazing I really am and blah blah blah : ...." Just a "yes" or "no" answer.

Test of mettle, ladies. "Is he going to eventually be the man with the ice scraper?" I love it, AlwaysByMySide.

[LoveOhm]

okay so I missed something about the "ice scraper" and honestly each time a read it my mind goes to the gutter which does not seem to be the right context.... please fill me in???

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

okay so I missed something about the "ice scraper" and honestly each time a read it my mind goes to the gutter which does not seem to be the right context.... please fill me in???

Into the gutter. You're so funny.


Short version: My mom has Rheumatoid Arthritis and scraping the ice off the windshield of the car in winter is tough on her, he does it for her without needing to be asked (even though she wouldn't ask for fear of troubling him), and it's sweet.

[Ione]

"Is he going to eventually be the man with the ice scraper?"

If he's over the age of, say 25, that question has to be: "Is he (already) the man with the ice scraper (even if he hasn't yet had the opportunity to scrape the ice off my car)?"

Not will he be in some unspecified future that kind of man. Way too easy to err on the side of wishful thinking when asking about some vague future... at least for me...