I didn't know there was a page 2. Now that I posted something, I noticed that there are 5 other posts I didn't see!Ceinwen
, it sounds great!!!!!!!!!
: Keep us in the loop, darling. And dancing details, in private, pretty please? I love hearing about sexy sambas.....
, YES!!! You get it! (actually all of you all seem to get where I'm coming from) "That said as a relationship progresses and is heading toward being exclusive I am honest with the man in my life and tell him "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere" this does not mean that I'll cheat attention comes in several forms..... but I do expect to speak/text/interact in some way everyday and I expect to see the person in my life on a regular basis at least once a week if not more..... but that is me and my needs once I am taken off the dating market.
" --exactly!!! It doesn't necessarily mean 'cheating', but interacting with someone, definitely. I'm not a loner/solitary person. I'm very (read: most highly) social and if I'm not jokin' and telling my stories and sharing my thoughts with a guy, at least on the phone, then I'll probably be doing it with someone else. And that person may be a guy. It's just a risk, on his side, in terms of leaving part of my social needs unmet, because something *might* end up starting up with another man. Not necessarily, but it's a risk. But maybe he doesn't WANT to take me off the dating market. It seems like he really does, though. A couple of thinly veiled comments about how he hopes that no one else catches my eye, wants only me, etc....
Thanks for the right words, LoveOhm. I was thinking, "How am I going to tell him that he'd better keep up on our interactions, lest I forget about him, replace him, or start juggling several guys and have him, most likely, lose his shot at scoring exclusivity with me?" I mean, it's kind of a crappy ultimatum to give and I don't want to even slightly pressure him to do more than he wants, since it's not even going to be quality interaction anyways if it doesn't come from his genuine desire to be in touch with me/hear my voice/send-me-a-message. KWIM? I don't wanna be all 'rabbit boiling' on him after a third date. But either it's heating up and growing into something.... or it's not, in terms of how I feel and my state of mind. Leaving me dangling for several days just won't work for me, plain and simple.
I think I'd like to just plagarize our goddess LoveOhm and say, "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere
" but I don't have the balls. Perhaps just make a little joke with him and mention about how phone-chatty and SMS-happy I am, and then immediately deliver the phrase, "I simply need a lot of attention" but with a fun smirk, and in a tone that lets him know that 'ha ha, this is all quite funny, but....I'm also not really kidding about that last part. it's true." ........Then I'll closely gauge his reaction and see if it seems like he gets it and see what he says, and if he doesn't seem to have absorbed the message, I'll continue to drop it into conversation the phrase, "You've figured out by now that I need a lot of attention, can you handle that?" but in a fun, cute way, even mid-make-out-session when we are live, to give it even a sexy-vibe about how as a woman I do need a lot of attention, as well as because I am a total social butterfly. He'll surely get the message if I mantra it to him a few times, in a fun way. Sort of like making it seem like a treat, and that he's a lucky SOB that he gets to be the one to meet my needs (which is totally true, he is lucky to have 'turned my head' and gotten me interested in the possibility of having all my needs met by him).
If the time goes really well between us and I'm totally even more into him after Sunday (when we'll get 18 hours together), then perhaps I'll see how the following week goes, communication-wise, and what sorts of plans he makes for seeing me Aug 14-16 (I think at this point he should spend that whole weekend with me, here, as we could really use the 60 hours to bond and get to know each other to find out if all this distance-hassle is totally worth it or not).... before having a more serious conversation about 'us.' Aug 17-23 will be a full week where we can't see each other at all and let's see if he a) keeps up contact with me that week, b) again arranges to see me on the sunday 23rd for an 18-hour-chunk of time/overnighter, the same way he's doing this sunday, and c) how that following week (24-28th) goes, in terms of contact. If, by the end of the month, I'm happy with his overall level of effort in my direction, I won't bring up anything more in terms of, "I need alot of attention and if you don't meet those needs they will be met elsewhere" because it will seem like he gets that. If I'm not happy and satisfied with the amount of contact and time with him, in the coming 4 weeks, and feel like I would like, simply, more
from him than he's giving me, then I'll talk with him directly and openly about it at that point, because then it will have been about two solid months we have been seeing each other and at that point it's not unreasonable to have a "this seems to be something, so let's discuss, directly, the relationship, and how it's working for both people and resolve any issues if possible....or, otherwise, chalk it up to it just not
having 'panned out' for whatever reason" kind of talk. So I think I'll try to play it very casually, and not 'sweat him' and give him room to miss me, and just be very friendly and available when HE initiates communication with me, but not bug him..... and see him on Sunday. And take things from there for the coming 3+ weeks, and see if my issues with the distance/communication seem to resolve themselves and things seem to be growing and establishing themselves or not.
Do I obsess too much?
I already know the answer to that, sorry, just had to say that.