Strategies (phrases/actions) to disciplining a 14 month old???

[JonahRoo]

My DS is 14 months old and is starting to get into EVERYTHING. I am noticing that when he gets into things that are absolutely not for his little hands (like our computers, or tables that are wobbly, or the silverware in the dishwasher while I am putting away dishes) that my immediate reaction is to say a firm "NO" and if he continues then I firmly grab his arm and walk him away from what he is doing. But of course at this age he is testing my boundaries and I am finding myself grabbing his arm firmly more often than I would like to be.

So my question is, at this age, what is a successful form of disciplining that I can maintain to where it will STICK in a successful way and be healthy and positive for his development as well. And when I say STICK, I mean, a phrase or an action that I can do consistently with him so when he does run off toward the street, for instance, I can say or do this one thing and he will get it (eventually). For example, when DS was learning how to go down stairs we taught him to go on his belly by saying "Butt first!" and now that phrase just triggers him to make the right choice and it's totally successful for us and for him. The word NO just rubs me the wrong way and I don't want to be stuck saying NO! NO! NO! over the rest of his toddler years and not getting through to my DS because he is tuning me out.

Also, I am not sure how I feel about the "distraction method" so that may not work for me.

I just want to be a patient mom and looking back on how I was raised, my mother was not very patient with us. just looking for some better strategies.
TIA!

[alegna]

Really at that age there is no sure thing. Redirect, block, distract, etc.

Even when they KNOW they shouldn't do something, they simply don't have the self control to always not do it.

-Angela

[jennpn]

I have to agree with pp on the distraction comment. Developmentally they are little explorers, he can't help getting into everything and does not posess the self control right now to be able to stop. We let ds do pretty much what he wants with the exeption of danger so that is the word we use- going for knives in the dishwasher "Danger Ben!" but a handful of spoons are safe while I deal with the knives. Climbing on the table" "Danger Ben!" but redirecting him to a pile of cushions to climb is fine. You can stop a dangerous action by introducing an appropriate alternative while using the key word. This is not like distraction in the sence that you are ignoring the issue. Self control will come, but not at 14 months...enjoy your little explorer and perhaps set up things of interest for him to do if you need to do something that he can't be apart of. Good luck, it is a tough age but an very cute/fun age too!

[moaningminny]

At 14 months I don't think there's much else you can do other than redirect.

[rusha84]

he he he... Having the same situation here....

[kiwiva]

What doesn't work for you with distraction? At that age, that is pretty much the thing.

I think the problem with "No" is that it loses its meaning if you use it all the time. We used "not for babies" (but said conversationally, not with a bunch of interesting emotion) for things we just didn't want her in (but tried to babyproof so most stuff she could get at was ok). "Danger" for the stove, etc. "Stop" for running (though really that is all about prevention as some kids just won't stop) and then redirected.

I guess I probably wouldn't firmly grab. I generally went with calm, matter-of-fact so as not to make the reaction intersting. The other issue with firm grabbing is that when DC is a toddler you may end up with more physical struggles because he's used to a more physical redirection and you've been modeling that sort of thing all along.

I'd also ask myself why I was saying no. Is it an issue of danger or an important boundary or are you just saying "no" because it is something that annoys you? If the latter, maybe just let it go. I found this a helpful technique. Maybe give DC a couple spoons to bang while you load the dishwasher or something.

[hawkeye]

my 16 mo dd loves to hand me the silverware as i'm unloading the dishwasher. so, maybe involve him more in your activities? and move or get rid of the majority of things he can't have/touch.

[kcparker]

Originally Posted by JonahRoo

My DS is 14 months old and is starting to get into EVERYTHING. I am noticing that when he gets into things that are absolutely not for his little hands (like our computers, or tables that are wobbly, or the silverware in the dishwasher while I am putting away dishes) that my immediate reaction is to say a firm "NO" and if he continues then I firmly grab his arm and walk him away from what he is doing. But of course at this age he is testing my boundaries and I am finding myself grabbing his arm firmly more often than I would like to be.

So my question is, at this age, what is a successful form of disciplining that I can maintain to where it will STICK in a successful way and be healthy and positive for his development as well. And when I say STICK, I mean, a phrase or an action that I can do consistently with him so when he does run off toward the street, for instance, I can say or do this one thing and he will get it (eventually). For example, when DS was learning how to go down stairs we taught him to go on his belly by saying "Butt first!" and now that phrase just triggers him to make the right choice and it's totally successful for us and for him. The word NO just rubs me the wrong way and I don't want to be stuck saying NO! NO! NO! over the rest of his toddler years and not getting through to my DS because he is tuning me out.

Also, I am not sure how I feel about the "distraction method" so that may not work for me.

I just want to be a patient mom and looking back on how I was raised, my mother was not very patient with us. just looking for some better strategies.
TIA!

I found distraction, involvement, redirection to be very effective with our DS, and we hardly ever have to say no to him. This is pretty much reserved for something potentially injurious where we just need him to freeze and get his attention pronto, and it's accompanied by an explanation - "No! The soup is HOT! It will burn you if you touch it right now! Please wait for it to cool first." If you hardly ever use it, they know it's important to listen when you do yell it.

I don't even think a 14 month old is testing boundaries - they are just exploring - what does this feel like, what sound does it make, mama likes to touch this with HER hands, etc. Give him safe things to explore. Our DS learned that he could play in the silverware drawer and spent many months gleefully throwing forks and spoons on the floor, but he we told him to leave the compartment with the steak knives alone.

Re: the street - I think games like red light-green light were invented by some mom who wanted her kid to stop instantly if he was running towards danger. Again, at 14 months, they just don't have the impulse control, so supervise, redirect, give the baby safe play options, as much as you can, enjoy the fact that they are little explorers at this age and go along for the investigations.

[Skippy918]

We're going through the same thing right now except DS is almost 1. Yesterday, he was standing up by the end table and started yanking on the lamp cord. DH had to move his hand away several times. I'm not sure if he understands that if he pulls the lamp cord, the lamp will fall on him.

Is there anything that will let us attach the lamp to the table?

[dollyanna]

Originally Posted by Skippy918

Is there anything that will let us attach the lamp to the table?

Maybe some double stick tape (the kind you use to hang posters on the wall). Or what about that stuff 3M has that you can supposedly use to hang something on the wall but it comes off when you want it to? I don't know what it's called, but I've seen ads for it.

I thought I posted here yesterday, but I don't see it now. Anyway, yes, I need help in this department as well. Our generally happy, easygoing 14 month old DD has lately been throwing some serious tantrums when we stop her from getting into something she shouldn't be in. And I do mean throwing - she looks around for things to throw, collapses on the floor kicking & sobbing, etc.

We are pretty babyproof and I am pretty relaxed about what I let her mess around with; I almost wonder if that is making it worse when I do try to keep her out of something... She is shocked and offended!

So, what do you do with a tantrum? Let it happen? Try to distract them?

The whole running off thing is kind of concerning. Is that something that just gets better with time?

[GuildJenn]

We used a harness at that age for the running off thing, when we were in situations where the road was close or where it was crowded.

He's almost 4 now and does not run off, nor does he think he's a dog.

I think the "on your butt" thing probably works because the situation is exactly the same every time (staircase).

With my son anyway, once the situation was slightly different - a new thing on the counter, the dishwasher being open instead of its usual closed, a park with other kids in it, etc. - his mind was so engaged in the exploration that there was no set phrase that would penetrate his joy/desire. At least not unless we were at a level 9 "STOP! NO!" and I wanted to reserve that for truly dangerous situations.

All that said, I think games like "red light, green light" were helpful in engaging with him to follow directions. But all the desire in the world couldn't ensure that he would have some self-control... that just took time. So in the meantime we redirected, "followed the impulse" and just generally... spent the time it took. Some days we really couldn't do anything that involved danger until he was in bed.

[Theoretica]

I have a 15 month old bbdd, and three older kiddos, so I totally understand!

At the same time, here's something that occurred to me with child #3, and I wish it had occurred to me with the older two!

Take a minute, and demonstrate "No!" to me. If I say "No!" to you, what does that look like? What action do you perform?

Now explain the word "No!" to me. Without using the word no, of course. What does it mean?

If you really think about these two points, you're realize a few things.

1. It's difficult for an ADULT to demonstrate the word 'no'. Therefore it is INCREDIBLY difficult, likely impossible, for a young child to genuinely get that concept, much less behave accordingly. That doesn't mean they'll never respond how you want them to, but they just don't get it, nor do they make the correlation you are expecting them to make.

2. Usually, the meaning behind the 'no' we want to use is different than just plain 'no'. We might mean Stop! We might mean "slow down", or "waiiiiiiiit for maaaamaaaa!". We might mean Ouch, that will hurt you! We might mean Danger! or Hot! or we might mean 'touch it gently' or 'hands in the air please'. The last one is a fantastic concrete phrase for little munchkins INSTEAD of 'don't touch', because they don't comprehend DON'T, they hear garble-TOUCH. The word they KNOW is 'touch', so they do. "Hands in the air" is something you can practice and enjoy, it's not punitive, and it accomplishes what you're wanting to accomplish.

I digress, as usual LOL

My point is this. Think about what you really want them to DO, try not to focus on what you do NOT want them to do. They don't get it, but all they want to do is make you happy, so it's frustrating when mama is getting annoyed saying No!

When we are near a street, I say Woahhhhh, there's a STREET! With BIIIIIIIG Cars and BIIIG trucks! Mama needs your hand! Yeayyy, let's say hi to the street/car/truck/whatever! Yep, I sound like a nut, but my darling baby is in awe of our new adventure and grabs my hand while waving away.

Also, try encouraging a lot of 'yes' time. We rarely use the high chair, but when I'm cooking (and she wants to toddle around and try reaching the oven/stove, grabbing things from the counter on her tiptoes etc) I excitedly get out measuring cups, dry beans, and a mini-whisk and put it on her high chair tray. Then instead of me 'no-ing' her all over the kitchen before dinner, she's got her own little spot to cook with mama.

HTH Mama!

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Theoretica

I have a 15 month old bbdd, and three older kiddos, so I totally understand!

At the same time, here's something that occurred to me with child #3, and I wish it had occurred to me with the older two!

Take a minute, and demonstrate "No!" to me. If I say "No!" to you, what does that look like? What action do you perform?

Now explain the word "No!" to me. Without using the word no, of course. What does it mean?

If you really think about these two points, you're realize a few things.

1. It's difficult for an ADULT to demonstrate the word 'no'. Therefore it is INCREDIBLY difficult, likely impossible, for a young child to genuinely get that concept, much less behave accordingly. That doesn't mean they'll never respond how you want them to, but they just don't get it, nor do they make the correlation you are expecting them to make.

2. Usually, the meaning behind the 'no' we want to use is different than just plain 'no'. We might mean Stop! We might mean "slow down", or "waiiiiiiiit for maaaamaaaa!". We might mean Ouch, that will hurt you! We might mean Danger! or Hot! or we might mean 'touch it gently' or 'hands in the air please'. The last one is a fantastic concrete phrase for little munchkins INSTEAD of 'don't touch', because they don't comprehend DON'T, they hear garble-TOUCH. The word they KNOW is 'touch', so they do. "Hands in the air" is something you can practice and enjoy, it's not punitive, and it accomplishes what you're wanting to accomplish.

I digress, as usual LOL

My point is this. Think about what you really want them to DO, try not to focus on what you do NOT want them to do. They don't get it, but all they want to do is make you happy, so it's frustrating when mama is getting annoyed saying No!

When we are near a street, I say Woahhhhh, there's a STREET! With BIIIIIIIG Cars and BIIIG trucks! Mama needs your hand! Yeayyy, let's say hi to the street/car/truck/whatever! Yep, I sound like a nut, but my darling baby is in awe of our new adventure and grabs my hand while waving away.

Also, try encouraging a lot of 'yes' time. We rarely use the high chair, but when I'm cooking (and she wants to toddle around and try reaching the oven/stove, grabbing things from the counter on her tiptoes etc) I excitedly get out measuring cups, dry beans, and a mini-whisk and put it on her high chair tray. Then instead of me 'no-ing' her all over the kitchen before dinner, she's got her own little spot to cook with mama.

HTH Mama!

Great points- thanks for the insights!

[EnviroBecca]

Boy, if you are not willing to distract/redirect him, it's going to be difficult.

Try to see this not as testing YOUR boundaries but as exploring the world. Some things that could be dangerous are not if handled appropriately, so you could take these opportunities to teach him: "Hold the fork by the handle." For fragile things, we've had great success with, "One-finger touches." (My 4-year-old now, when he sees an object that appears fragile, will ask, "One-finger touch?" and wait for confirmation before he touches it. )

I don't think there will be any one word that works in every situation. Theoretica has some good points about that. However, it's a good idea to react with one word or a very short phrase that expresses the most important idea of the moment, and for situations that crop up again and again, you can plan what word you will use next time.

Skippy 918 wrote:

Yesterday, he was standing up by the end table and started yanking on the lamp cord. DH had to move his hand away several times. I'm not sure if he understands that if he pulls the lamp cord, the lamp will fall on him.
Is there anything that will let us attach the lamp to the table?

If you attach the lamp to the table, he will learn that it's okay to pull the lamp cord because nothing will happen. Then, when you are visiting somewhere, he may actually pull a lamp down on himself, or at least it will be much more difficult to convince him that he must not pull the lamp cord.

EnviroDaddy had a great idea about this: He started using the word UNSTABLE. He would take EnviroKid's hand off the cord, say, "It's unstable," and show him how the lamp could tip. EnviroKid quickly learned to be cautious of unstable things. (When he was 23 months old, I was awakened at 5am by his saying, "Gasp! Unstable!" and found myself sitting up just in time to catch the lamp! Finding himself awake early, he had been amusing himself by stacking everything on the nightstand in a pile, and when he put the lamp on top it didn't work out so well. Good thing he knew the right word to tell me about it!)

But we also moved our most precarious lamp to a place he couldn't reach. Rearranging a bit may save your sanity!

[Skippy918]

Envirobecca-I like the idea of using the word Unstable. I'll have to try it. Thanks!

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Theoretica

or 'hands in the air please'. The last one is a fantastic concrete phrase for little munchkins INSTEAD of 'don't touch', because they don't comprehend DON'T, they hear garble-TOUCH. The word they KNOW is 'touch', so they do. "Hands in the air" is something you can practice and enjoy, it's not punitive, and it accomplishes what you're wanting to accomplish.

: That is so obvious and awesome.

: to this whole thread.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Skippy918

Envirobecca-I like the idea of using the word Unstable. I'll have to try it. Thanks!

:
And definitely worth getting a cheap, plastic lamp or 3 from the thriftstore to sacrifice in the name of toddler cord pulling.