How to Gentle Disciple my son to listen for Safety

[MommytoB]

I know my son is independent and he will do what he thinks is right but it worries me because what he's doing is unsafe.

I hate to be 'strict' but sometimes I end up saying well Brendan if you do not want to hold my hand to go across the street then we are going home instead of going to the place where we planned to go before.

I even tell him Stop , Wait for mom before you cross the street and he doesn't !

He's running in and out of parking lots without looking both ways, running across the street without looking .

So then he gives me I'm not listening to momma my ears are blocked attitude .( i think he's picking the non-listening habbits from the rest of the family because they never listen to me anyways so he thinks that's okay to do that even though he Has too) Those other family members don't have to listen to me would be nice if they did but for some reason I annoy them even when i just say 5 words.

I even have other people confront of him doing that unsafe stuff and he just doesn't want to hear it.

[Wild Lupine]

With young children, I firmly believe important instructions must be given kinesthetically and not just verbally. Kids know what they can do, not what they can hear. In the situations you have described, along with telling him to stay close by in a parking lot, make it so that he has no other choice. You could do this by standing right by his door when he exits the car and holding his hand the entire time in the parking lot. If he's strong enough to break away, and really has no idea about how to be safe, or even the need to be safe, then a harness may be in order. I'm not a big fan of harnesses, but in a case where a child is continually putting themselves at risk, it may need to be used. From what you describe it sounds like he hasn't internalized a sense of safety, which means you'll need to do it for him a bit longer.

[LynnS6]

How old is he? My response will vary greatly depending on how old he is.

And FWIW, going home because he's not listening or following safety rules is a fine consequence, in my book. I usually give very young children a 'do over' where we go back to the curb and practice again. At 4-5 though, once they've got some impulse control, I would be OK going home to curb a consistent problem with safety rules. I think it's it's better to be strict up front so they know what to expect.

[MommytoB]

Brendan is going to be 5 on the 4th of this month. He always was safe but lately at the end of 4 he's just getting daring so I want him to know that I know he's testing that this is not a 'safe place' to be testing your boundaries .

[PikkuMyy]

While I agree that not going out if he can't cross safely is a natural consequence, it's also a shame to have to stay home, for you as well.

I would also make walking together a requirement, and not let him get a chance to be unsafe. Then I would practice how to walk across safely, with very clear instructions and modeling, over and over until he can do it. Make him be in charge of deciding when it's safe to walk (holding hands of course) until he's consistent. Also find places in the neighborhood where it's safe to practice not holding hands and you know he won't get hit by a car. Then let him be in charge of crossing by himself there until he can do it properly. Then start to be more relaxed in the more dangerous places.

You might also make a book with him about safe ways to be daring, and unsafe ways. And about how to check to make sure the street is safe so that he can cross by himself.