anger - Page 2

[CatherineEL]

I live in hot weather also, with only A/C at night, mostly... It's hard, and tempers flare. There's a reason people speak of rage, tempers, anger, and heat in the same vein. That said, the anger that pours out of me lately is scary, and my family has been on the receiving end of some rage. I only have one little ds, almost 2.5.... I don't know how my friends with another little one do it, but they seem pretty stressed out....

Please remember this is only a season in your life. Life changes so much, all the time. I'm trying to remember...

It's also a case of the airplane mask idea - we parents must take care of ourselves first.

Good luck - stay cool! Give yourself a big hug and be proud of all the good things you do, like coming here with all your love and desire to be a force for positive change in the world.... Good on ya!

:

[J-Bean]

Dear Mama,
What you have written about is your honesty and desire to learn how to not replicate what's been happening. I read your post and felt an instant connection to my recent past. My two little ones are now almost 2 and 4, but just a bit ago, I had a baby and toddler (a wonderfully sweet and sensitive one at that), and a mild case of PPD (that it took a few weeks for me to even identify). With no one around to help and my husband back at work so quickly after the birth, I got angry so fast, and at the child I'd just spent nearly 2 years gingerly loving and caring for.
The other posts mention, take care of yourself first, and although it sounds impossible, this is truly what you'll need to get your feet, emotions and self back up and running. And it takes time at that. So much has just changed in your life.
Just a few days ago I found myself daily reacting to my nearly 4 year old's tantrums instead of working with and around them, and I finally pulled myself off the computer one night and cracked a few parenting books to browse. Ah hour of surfing the parenting books brought me such sanity, relief and reminders of those important techniques (i.e. modeling appropriate behavior 1) before situations 2) during 3) and afterwards when it didn't go so well on their attempt). I haven't had another flare up for a week, which is saying something with this morning sick nauseous mom of two who sympathizes with your lack of AC. So, I'm not sure what can be done to get you an extra hour of sleep (sleep deprivation--number one reason for my angry outbursts and lack of sensitivity), a break from toddler and/or baby for a tad each day or week, but these things will truly restore you as you heal and find your way. Much luck on the journey.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by ainh

Goodness. I can relate. My two are 2.75 years apart in age and ever since DS2 was born I have had more negative feelings towards DS1. Just now it is starting to get better. The first six months SUCKED. I feel like I really resented DS1, because I couldn't really enjoy my newborn, you know? I do feel that our relationship has suffered at this point, but hopefully it'll regrow into what it needs to be in the future. I know that I screwed up a bit (yelling horribly, rougher than necessary at times and inconsistent)...but every day is a new day. We can do this. I think it's some sort of normal hormonal thing that happens to some of us and it starts to get better over time. Good luck!

Mine are 2.5 (and five days) years apart, but otherwise this is me.

I found that it helped to realize that a lot of my anger was not really at my daughter (because after all, she's two, and in my head, I know that!) but at my own powerlessness.

I was angry because I could not be the mom I wanted to be for my infant and I felt guilty and sad.

It is just SO HARD when we have these expectations of being the mom we read about in books, or see recommended on the Today Show or whatever, and then we feel like screaming at the toddler that she is ruining our whole parenting plan. I say that as someone who does it every single freaking day, so please don't take it the wrong way.

No answers, really... I am trying to control less, let go more, and find ways to protect the baby without keeping her in a carseat 100% of the time. And taking my fish oil and eating lots of fish and good food (babywearing while cooking which I swore I'd never do).

And every night before we go to bed, I tell my toddler, "Sometimes I get really angry. It's because I'm scared that I'm not taking care of you both like I want to. No matter what happens I love you so much."

I don't say that because it makes it better, it is just my way of knowing that she goes to bed with love.

Even if she does end up forcing us out of bed right after that because she keeps kicking me. :roll And then she cries because we aren't there.