Wow! I can't believe this thought even entered my brain!

[greenthumb3]

My background: After taking an independent childbirth class with my pregnancy with my first son, I switched from my OB and hospital birth plan to a midwife (CPM) and homebirth plan in my 7th month. I had two homebirths after that and am currently planning my fourth baby's birth at home with a midwife.

After reading in a book (by the Sears' actually), I somehow saw hospitals in a new (non-traumatic/ overpowering) light. Like they could actually have some advantages I might like. I actually went through my mind where I asked myself in what scenario I would accept birthing in a hospital?

My criteria include:

allowed to go past EDD and start labor on my own
ok to eat and drink in labor
no IV or Hep Lock
movement and access to tub/shower encouraged
internal checks only based on need, not routine
rooming in for baby after birth
helpful nurses who didn't come check on me and baby every 2 hours
doctor who respected me fully for no interventions unless true emergency
It would be nice to be taken care of, brought food in, no laundry or dishes!
No worries if there were to be a complication as there would be plenty of competent staff (hopefully) to help us with available technology (no worries of hb transfer and how the staff would treat me!).


But then I was like, man, I'd need a doula for sure there, and my DH hates hospitals (really) so he'd not be very happy or helpful probably and my kids would miss it all and who knows if the nurses on call will actually be helpful or give me more flack to deal with. Oh, not to mention even with our good insurance, hb is at least half the cost of the hospital bills and doctor's fee.

So, this is where you other mamas come in. Have you ever considered crossing over to the "dark side" and thought it would be nice to birth in a hospital after having homebirths? (Without having circumstances that required it like baby in wrong position or other complications)

I mean, choosing hospital birth simply b/c it appealed to you in some way?

I really can't even believe I am wondering this aloud! I have internally vilified hospitals and OBs for so long it is strange to wonder.

Anyone choose hospital over home birth and really had a TERRIFIC experience?

Thanks for any and all input and for entertaining my odd wondering.

[Gray's Mommy]

I did hospital, homebirth, planning 2nd homebirth...
I had a client who did hospital birth center, freestanding birth center & then regular hospital. I was there for births 2 & 3 as her doula. She loved all her births. For each baby, she needed something different & she trusted her instincts.

Do what feels right for you & your family.

[greenthumb3]

Thanks, Mary, for your encouragement

PMs welcome, too, if anyone would prefer that. Hope to have a few more replies.

[crunchy_mama]

My first birth in the hospital was like that- I still have avoided it like the plague though. I have privacy issues and just generally don't trust hospitals not to swoop in w/ some made up reason to take baby. What happens if you get a bad nurse? I don't know as I said I had no issues w/ #1- no iv or heplock- no meds of any kind except a local to fix a small tear. Pushed in all kinds of positions- no tub- but there aren't any in the area(rural). Baby stayed w/ us- dh did his bath. yada yada

[mrsrayray]

I've had home and hospital births... Hospital for #1 and home for #2. The hospital I would've had to fight for the things on your list. The nurses told me if I was "really good" they might even "let" me have a popsicle (during labor when I was starving and shaking from hunger)... um... yeah...

But I've heard of great hospitals that let you do whatever you want. There's just nothing as nice to me as sleeping in my own bed with my baby, to me. I wasn't allowed to sleep with my baby at the hospital either, so neither one of us got much sleep. I was so desperate to just go home while I was at the hospital, having a homebirth just felt amazing.

Oh, I was also so hungry after having my baby at the hosp, and the cafeteria was closed (11pm), and then when they opened in the morning I was only allowed to order one entree at a time. I seriously could've eaten 3. I just had to wait an hour or so between meals. The whole experience was just so frustrating, and I didn't even have a great homebirth to compare it to at the time.

[skylarsmom08]

Have you visited the hospital? Maybe there's a hospital (maybe the closest one, maybe not) that is very understanding of a "different" approach. If you are seriously thinking about it, I'd visit a few hospitals and see what the atmosphere is like and what the nurses are like. In the end it couldn't hurt to take a peek. It might make you feel more sure about a homebirth, or you might realize that that certain hospital makes you feel great and at ease. Good luck with your decision.

[brinalicious]

I know where you are coming from. I had my first in a hospital (c/s), but my second was born at home. Now I am on #3 and just assumed I would want a homebirth again. However, once I started to think about my last homebirth, which was wonderful and everything turned out great, I started wondering why I couldn't have the same experience in a hospital. I had to totally process the whole idea of it before I could stop ruminating on it all the time. My homebirth was VERY painful, and the pain really freaked me out. I felt scared that now that I know how painful it is, I'd be even more overwhelmed by it the second time (I never had any labor with my first before having a c/s, so my second birth was my first labor), if that makes any sense. Kind of like, the first time it was all new so I didn't know any better and just went with it, but the next time I know what to expect and can be afraid of it waaaaaay ahead of time.

Anyway, I talked about it with my husband, who was very supportive of my feelings, and decided I still want to have a homebirth this time around. I have to say, though, the one thing that feels really different about this upcoming birth, is that it's really all about the baby this time. Last time I think I really had something to prove, since I hadn't been able to labor and have a vaginal delivery the first time, so the birth was really about me. This time I feel like "been there, done that" and am just really excited about getting to meet this baby. Sure, I'd be disappointed if I ended up transferring and having another c/s or something, but this birth just doesn't feel so self-centered this time.

I think it's good that you are really processing all these thoughts now, because you don't want them to be popping up while you are in labor or something. I'm not one to think that by imagining all the possibilities you'll somehow jinx yourself. I think you're much more likely to feel comfortable with whatever situation ends up arising because of all the thinking you did beforehand. Just try not to stress about it too much!

[WhereHopeGrows]

It's so funny that you are posting this. I have had this thought enter my mind a lot lately. We've done several births, and the last ones were at home. But there is this part of me that kinda wants to go back to the hospital even though I know I'd have to be much more careful with all of the red tape there. I guess after having so many children there is something appealing about being taken care of and not dealing with any of the mess, etc. Plus, I know of a group of hospital midwives who are excellent excellent! They are totally supportive of alternative ideas, and they have a super low c-section rate. I'm with you. Tempted.

[iemaja]

Kind of sounds like a freestanding birth center might be just the thing for you...?

[Nicole730]

Here's what happened with my first birth in a hospital following your criteria:


allowed to go past EDD and start labor on my own - would not have let me because I was put on bedrest due to elevated blood pressure and trace of protein in my urine - but they thought my due date was a week later than it actually was

ok to eat and drink in labor - yes

no IV or Hep Lock - did not have either

movement and access to tub/shower encouraged - encouraged to take a shower about 3 hours into 2nd stage of labor and then I spent about 1.5 hours in the waterbirth tub laboring

internal checks only based on need, not routine - my water broke at 1am and I did not have an internal check until 11:30pm when I was 9 cm

rooming in for baby after birth - baby slept in bed with DH and I the whole time we were there, they did the hearing check, blood work, everything in our room

helpful nurses who didn't come check on me and baby every 2 hours - did get checked on somewhat frequently the first day/night, but I didn't mind so much. The nurses were very nice and calming. Plus, I did enjoy not having to do any diaper changes that first night! The second night I kept waiting for them to come in and they never did.


doctor who respected me fully for no interventions unless true emergency - the group of midwives really fought hard against the doctor's for us. a week earlier the doctor wanted to induce me, but the midwife on duty let me leave!



I had the birth experience I wanted in the hospital. Never got offered drugs once. My midwife got some oils and was rubbing my feet during labor, it was awesome.

That being said, I am planning a homebirth for my next, I figure I might not be as lucky the second time around. Plus, we moved and I wouldn't be able to go to the same hospital.

ETA: If you decide on the hospital and if your water breaks before labor starts, I don't recommend going in until you actually have contractions. My midwife said that it is normal for a woman's water to break up to 3 days before labor starts, but the hospital would only allow 24 hours before they would require me to be induced. Fortunately, my contractions started at 4:30pm after a 1am water breaking. I did not want to be induced at all!

[greenthumb3]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone's replies!

I am glad I wrote the post b/c it helped me to identify some feelings and fears I was having but not really acknowledging and after spending some time camping this week (and reading my Mothering magazines I brought along ), I think I came down to what I *really* want for our fourth baby's birth. And what I am tired of and feel sad about. That always helps me to accept it and let it go.

I want someone to take care of me, but not make all the decisions and dis-empower me. It seems like everyone in my life at some point takes over in order to help me, so in order to avoid that, I either fight tooth and nail to get what I want in less than perfect situations or do it all myself. It is exhausting, but I prefer it in order to maintain feeling honored.

I have enjoyed the freedom that homebirth offers for my three children, but I get lonely and tired of planning it all myself, reaching out and getting the support I need and making sure it's there for me, educating myself so I know what to do in all cases of emergency (hard time trusting my midwives 100% to just know what I need) etc etc. I just want to be taken care of/honored. I am so tired and want support.

I wish a freestanding birth center was near me. I would love to go somewhere where there is a culture of peace and support in birth, for women by a group of women. I wouldn't have to fight to get my needs met, they could be anticipated and I would feel cared for. And food to be brought to me, away from my home and the continual reminder of children needing me and household chores. I know someone out there understands!

So, after talking to my wonderful DH (no complaints there, he is a pretty great guy), I let him know my concerns about being cared for during and after the home birth and I will start the process of finding help during the post partum period (meals, cleaning, childcare for our homeschooled kids, etc) I will ask for help again and let others help in the ways they feel comfortable with and try my best to accept what I cannot change. (Older women in my life who are unable to meet my needs the way I need/crave) At least my partner will have an idea of how I will be emotionally vulnerable and how he can help. Still debating a doula. Might check into that, even though my midwife and DH both said they thought we wouldn't need one. I am thinking it over from my perspective.

Anyhow, thanks again everyone.

[alegna]

I think it depends on the birthing climate where you are. HERE it is not possible to have what resembles a natural birth in a hospital. I understand it's better in some areas.

That said, hospitals still have two huge strikes against them - even if they are as birthing friendly as possible- #1. Chance of hospital mistakes harming mom or baby and #2. (bigger one) super bugs. The hospital acquired infection rates are just too high for me to justify birthing a newborn into one without medical reason.

-Angela

[leila1213]

Originally Posted by greenthumb3

Thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone's replies!

I am glad I wrote the post b/c it helped me to identify some feelings and fears I was having but not really acknowledging and after spending some time camping this week (and reading my Mothering magazines I brought along ), I think I came down to what I *really* want for our fourth baby's birth. And what I am tired of and feel sad about. That always helps me to accept it and let it go.

I want someone to take care of me, but not make all the decisions and dis-empower me. It seems like everyone in my life at some point takes over in order to help me, so in order to avoid that, I either fight tooth and nail to get what I want in less than perfect situations or do it all myself. It is exhausting, but I prefer it in order to maintain feeling honored.

I have enjoyed the freedom that homebirth offers for my three children, but I get lonely and tired of planning it all myself, reaching out and getting the support I need and making sure it's there for me, educating myself so I know what to do in all cases of emergency (hard time trusting my midwives 100% to just know what I need) etc etc. I just want to be taken care of/honored. I am so tired and want support.

I wish a freestanding birth center was near me. I would love to go somewhere where there is a culture of peace and support in birth, for women by a group of women. I wouldn't have to fight to get my needs met, they could be anticipated and I would feel cared for. And food to be brought to me, away from my home and the continual reminder of children needing me and household chores. I know someone out there understands!

So, after talking to my wonderful DH (no complaints there, he is a pretty great guy), I let him know my concerns about being cared for during and after the home birth and I will start the process of finding help during the post partum period (meals, cleaning, childcare for our homeschooled kids, etc) I will ask for help again and let others help in the ways they feel comfortable with and try my best to accept what I cannot change. (Older women in my life who are unable to meet my needs the way I need/crave) At least my partner will have an idea of how I will be emotionally vulnerable and how he can help. Still debating a doula. Might check into that, even though my midwife and DH both said they thought we wouldn't need one. I am thinking it over from my perspective.

Anyhow, thanks again everyone.

I would totally hire a birth doula AND a postpartum doula to allay your fears! I have decided on a doula before even choosing a midwife, and knowing that she is willing to clean, babysit, just keep me company or whatever during my entire labor is soooo nice! Frees up DH to just be my husband and DD's dad, and not have a 'job' to do. Pressure off completely!

[valsblondies]

I think it depends on where you live and the hospital. Ive had 2 hospital births and #3 is a homebirth. At the hospital, I would not have been allowed most of the things on your list. It just wouldnt have worked with the system theyve created. I

[ShwarmaQueen]

A good friend of mine prefers hospital births because she gets a mini-vaca from cooking and cleaning. She has quick, all-natural births, easily, so she sees no point in paying more for a HB. To each their own.

[Epona]

Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen

A good friend of mine prefers hospital births because she gets a mini-vaca from cooking and cleaning. She has quick, all-natural births, easily, so she sees no point in paying more for a HB. To each their own.

The hospital births that I have had, were very good. I think it just really depends on your hospital.

[xmasbaby7]

GOOD for you to process this and identify your needs more closely for this birth. Regardless of what you choose, it sounds like you will have a better birth in either place because you will take steps to find someone to mother you.

Happy mommy mind, better birth outcome.

My SIL had 2 HB then 2 hospital births because she felt like it was a mini vacation, too, away from domestic responsibility, so I know this need is pretty common.

[S.Elise]

I have not homebirthed yet, but #1 I had in a wonderful hospital (not in the US, so a little easier to come by evidence-based, non-"cover-thy-ass-first" medicine). I think if all the items on your checklist are actually true of the hospital, then the hospital may be ideal for you. Before my first baby, I always assumed I would have to do a homebirth to get what I wanted, but when I visited the place I ended up giving birth in with my 20+ item list of must-haves from my many years of research on evidence-based maternity care/personal preferences, and was told I could have them all, I was thrilled. I know HB is just as safe/safer, but I personallly did like having servants, a ready-prepared birth spa, having the option of pain relief and being an elevator away from surgery if needed. Since this place offered those options WITHOUT increasing the risk of an emergency (like most hospies do, IMO) it was the best of both worlds.

There's definitely nowhere I can get all those things in my current area (NYC), so homebirth is my choice. Even if a doula could ultimately protect me from the docs/nurses/hospital procedures, since I'm low-risk for me the stress that battle would cause me is just not worth it. But then again, I am someone who is choosing homebirth because its overall the best of the two non-ideal options I have. I know others really feel WAY more comfortable at home, and for them even the most ideal hospital would not be better than their own surroundings where they are in charge and most comfortable.

[kcparker]

Originally Posted by greenthumb3

My criteria include:

allowed to go past EDD and start labor on my own
ok to eat and drink in labor
no IV or Hep Lock
movement and access to tub/shower encouraged
internal checks only based on need, not routine
rooming in for baby after birth
helpful nurses who didn't come check on me and baby every 2 hours
doctor who respected me fully for no interventions unless true emergency
It would be nice to be taken care of, brought food in, no laundry or dishes!
No worries if there were to be a complication as there would be plenty of competent staff (hopefully) to help us with available technology (no worries of hb transfer and how the staff would treat me!).

My first birth was a hospital birth that was pretty much what you described (though I did dodge a pit. induction for low fluid levels by a matter of about 12 hours). I chose homebirth for #2 because the hospital has a no-waterbirth policy (though they encourage use of the tub during labor), the peds. teams are overzealous and frequently take babies away from moms for not really a good reason, and the mama-baby unit is not restful (not the nurses' fault, but the doctors rounding at 6 a.m., the pharmacist asst coming to confirm meds. lists, the lady from billing needing a signature, the person from nutrition services coming to clear out dishes, the cleaning lady restocking the bathroom - there's always somebody coming into the room for something).

But yeah, my hospital birth was, overall, a really wonderful, hands-off, gentle experience attended by a midwife and a nurse who in my memory looks like an angel. I attend hospital births as a doula, and I have been impressed by both the midwives' and the OBs' low-key, hands-off, let nature take its course approach when things are going well and there's no reason to intervene.

[mcgee]

Originally Posted by greenthumb3

My criteria include:

allowed to go past EDD and start labor on my own
ok to eat and drink in labor
no IV or Hep Lock
movement and access to tub/shower encouraged
internal checks only based on need, not routine
rooming in for baby after birth
helpful nurses who didn't come check on me and baby every 2 hours
doctor who respected me fully for no interventions unless true emergency
It would be nice to be taken care of, brought food in, no laundry or dishes!
No worries if there were to be a complication as there would be plenty of competent staff (hopefully) to help us with available technology (no worries of hb transfer and how the staff would treat me!).

This would not be possible in the hospital where I would be having DS if I'd stayed with my OB. I had my DD at a great hospital - one of the top 10 hospitals in the US - and your list would not have been doable there either.

I totally understand wanting to be cared for, but to be honest, I didn't feel all that "cared for" after I had DD. I felt our postpartum experience was AWFUL. The actual birth was great, but postpartum was a whole different story. Lots of nurses, students, etc. coming in at all hours of the night to check on me, multiple refusals when I asked to have the IV/hep lock removed, nurses constantly asking to take my baby away for testing, inadequate help with getting started nursing, no extra gowns or supplies in my room - had to hit the call button and sit naked on a bloody bed waiting for someone to come help me, doctor delaying signing my discharge papers and leaving us stuck in the hospital hours after we should have been released, etc. It just plain sucked. And again, this was at one of the top hospitals in the US. :

I'm looking forward to our homebirth (my first homebirth!) because if I can avoid a transfer, I can stay in the comfort of my home, rest without being disturbed around the clock, have some control over the birth process, sleep in my own bed, etc. My midwife does the laundry after the birth, cleans up and makes sure I have a nutritious meal. To me, that sounds like better care than I had in the hospital.