Unsupportive partner?

[MamasBoys]

What do you do if your partner uses corporal punishment, does not agree with the philosophy of consensual living and says he doesn't have enough time to read any of the research or parenting material you would like him to?

[mystic~mama]

I would not be okay with it...I would stand up and say NO.

What kind of partner is he in other areas?

If he were a good partner and loving father...I would calmly and respectful state my feelings and if he is open to it, go talk it over with a counselor.

I don't always agree w/my DP, he is not the Bio Dad so this gives me more say so I feel like....if I don't agree I will break out my Mama Bear.

[MamasBoys]

Originally Posted by mystic~mama

I would not be okay with it...I would stand up and say NO.

What kind of partner is he in other areas?

If he were a good partner and loving father...I would calmly and respectful state my feelings and if he is open to it, go talk it over with a counselor.

I don't always agree w/my DP, he is not the Bio Dad so this gives me more say so I feel like....if I don't agree I will break out my Mama Bear.

Not the greatest of marriages but he's a good guy and a good Dad. He listens to my opinions on parenting but a lot of this is really difficult to digest without seriously doing some reading, talking to other people, etc. I mean it has taken me years! A lot of what I have learned has come from immersing myself in groups, organizations, constant meetings and get togethers with other moms whose parenting styles I admire and obviously he's not able to do that. He's really authoritarian and I feel like any good that I manage to do gets washed away with his bad.

[rubidoux]

I don't think I could live with the corporal punishment stuff. My dh does a lot of stuff that really frustrates me, but I don't think I could take it if he hit our kids. I think I would leave. I just can't imagine letting anyone do that. I'm sorry.

[Devaya]

Hugs to you. That sounds really tough. I don't think I could live with the corporal punishment thing either - that'd be a deal-breaker. My now ex-partner has never really 'got' unconditional parenting or anything like that, and we have had (and prob will have even more now we're no longer together) lots of big debates about parenting stuff, but nothing that goes that far. I remember finding some stuff recently on the web about how some official bodies in Canada or something, actually officially state a position against any kind of physical punishment. Maybe if you took a legal angle?

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by Devaya

I don't think I could live with the corporal punishment thing either - that'd be a deal-breaker. My now ex-partner has never really 'got' unconditional parenting or anything like that, and we have had (and prob will have even more now we're no longer together) lots of big debates about parenting stuff, but nothing that goes that far.

yeah, me too. i don't care if DH calls himself AP or GD or whatever. but there will be no spanking. luckily he is completely on board with that. he wasn't spanked as a child and sees no reason to do it.

as for CL, i don't think he leans that far. then again, i'm not sure i do either

i think we can negotiate our differences pretty well when they come up (vaxing was one; he wanted to vax selectively but now is fine with non-vaxing), but if one of us wanted to spank or shame, i don't think we could be married anymore. it's hard to say, though, because even once you're divorced, the other partner can spank and shame--so it's not really a solution for your kids

[A&A]

Yeah, spanking is a complete dealbreaker for me, too.