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How many beers a night is acceptable?

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Ok, so my "babies daddy" usually drinks about 4 beers a night, some more, some less. I find this scary as I don't want him turning into an alcoholic. When I say something about it, he acts like I'm being a prude. He says this is normal in every drinking household. I say a couple beers is "normal." I'm scared because he denies how much he drinks every night, even though I'm right there watching him. I do not like his attitude when he gets three beers in him either. Hes harder to get along with. What should I do without sounding like a nag, and how much drinking is ok? We can't exactly afford a six pack a day habit either.
post #2 of 28
I think that you are right to be concerned, personally.

What have you tried so far? Would simple facts work at all? You could either go the $ route (with, perhaps a "reward" for not drinking with the money saved--- we have a friend who's DP gave up soft drinks for a year and got a 52" TV with the savings! 3-6 beers a day definately adds up to a lot of money!).

You could also go a simple information route:

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/about/f/faq13.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recomme...olic_beverages

I looked at several pages and they seemd to say an average of 2 drinks max per day for an adult male. The 2nd source (wikipedia) there says 14 drinks/week with up to 4 in one day is fine, beyond that is not.

You could also come from an "I love you" perspective. Even if the alcohol level is not a problem (which I think it is, but he obviously does not) you can argue that you want him to be his best and healthiest so you will be together and for a long time and he will be there for your baby. This is what I am attempting to do with DP & diet soda intake (let me make this clear, this is a 14+ can DAILY habit he has).

Good luck!
post #3 of 28
I guess it depends on your culture. Is he drinking American beer? Frankly, when I used to drink alcohol (I don't any more), I could have drank an entire 6 pack of American beer everyday and never felt it. To me, that stuff is like water.

4 beers a night of American beer, to me, seems like nothing at all. No offense to any American beer aficionados. I'm used to beer from Europe, so the first time I tried American it tasted like water to me. And had the same affect.

European beer and Canadian beer, are much stronger. Like double the strength of American. So, 4 beers there and you're drinking too much.

Also, what culture is he from? In my family having a drink after work, and then one to two glasses of wine at dinner everyday is the norm. No one is an alcoholic. No one even gets remotely drunk. I'm from eastern Europe, though. Enough said.
post #4 of 28
It depends how many standard drinks he's having which depends on the alcohol content and the volume. In Australia, 2 standard drinks per day is considered ok (from a health point of view this is), more than 4 is binge drinking. I think a stubbie of standard Oz beer is 1.5 standard drinks but I don't know if this is the same in the US, sorry.
post #5 of 28
If he is drinking because he needs it, then it's too much, regardless of the number.
post #6 of 28
Yep if it is an every night thing it's way too much, people should not drink every day.
post #7 of 28
This sounds like classic alcoholic behavior. Spending more than you can afford on alcohol, getting defensive about his habit, and denying how much he drinks are all red flags.

If he is drinking every night to the point that his behavior becomes unacceptable then he should be able to cut back for the sake of your relationship, regardless of whether or not he thinks his drinking is normal. If he is unable to do this, he has an addiction.

Give him information and offer your support. Remember, though, that the only person who can stop his drinking is HIM. Recovery is a long and difficult road and the biggest roadblock is that first one- admitting you have a problem. Many people have to hit rock bottom before they can do this.

Meanwhile, you have a right to protect yourself and a responsibility to protect your children. As the child of an alcoholic I can tell you, growing up with an alcoholic parent is not growing up at all.
post #8 of 28
I just returned 12 empty bottles of beer on Saturday 'cause we finished the last one.

We bought the 12-pack in May.

I think if it's every single night, that's quite a lot!
post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
If he is drinking because he needs it, then it's too much, regardless of the number.
:

Also, to me, 4 a night sounds like a lot (and expensive!), and I come from a family where we drink with most dinners.
post #10 of 28
My Dh will have one or two beers (european variety, not american watery type) a night OR a glass of wine or two. When we're not at home or something, he doesn't go searching for alcohol to drink, and he almost never gets drunk (occasionally he and my dad get drinking : ). We both are into wine/beer tasting, though... to us it's more like an epicurean thing than an all-about-the-alcohol thing... if that makes sense? Usually it's with dinner... or a dessert beer/wine after dinner... something like that.
post #11 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
If he is drinking because he needs it, then it's too much, regardless of the number.
I agree.
post #12 of 28
If you're afraid he'll become an alcoholic, then my suggestion is you start looking into Alanon for yourself NOW because chances are he may already be and there is nothing you can do about it and learining what you CAN do now is better than done the road when the sh*t hits the fan.

This is just my experience- I've BTDT and the help I've recieved from Alanon has helped w/every aspect of my life.

Hugs mama- you might have a very hard road ahead of you!

To answer your ?s-1) there is nothing you can do w/o sounding like a nag- alcoholics are beating themselves up inside WAY more than you'd ever imagine and the words we say just add to it and make him feel even worse-its a terrible cirlce. Its all his perception of whats going on .

2)How much drinking is ok is based on the individual. I myself think an occasional drink once a month is acceptable more than that is too much even if your not an alcoholic- just my OP. anyone that can not go w/o a drink has a problem.

Hugs again mama.
post #13 of 28
I think it's the every night that's more worrysome.

My dad was an alchololic. He probably went through a 12 pack a night. It SUCKED living with an alchoholic. We had to "live around" him, very quietly, so as not to disturb him. If we made him mad, it caused him to drink more. Which was our fault. So, we made very sure to stay out of his way.
post #14 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I think it's the every night that's more worrysome.

My dad was an alchololic. He probably went through a 12 pack a night. It SUCKED living with an alchoholic. We had to "live around" him, very quietly, so as not to disturb him. If we made him mad, it caused him to drink more. Which was our fault. So, we made very sure to stay out of his way.
I just want to extend sympathy.
My mom used to go through a box of wine 3 or 4 times a week... I think "SUCKED" is an understatement.
post #15 of 28
I would definitely say he's abusing alcohol and I would be very concerned about it.
post #16 of 28
Any amount is too much if someone can't do without.

DF is a recovering alcoholic. They come in all shapes and sizes and types.

Not everyone who abuses gets raging drunk all the time and can't function.

Maybe you can go to an Al-Anon meeting? They may be able to give you some advice about whether your partner is at risk for alcoholism and some emotional tools for you to deal with it.
post #17 of 28
It also depends on his weight. If he is skinny, 4 beers will affect him more than if he is fat.
post #18 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by vixenicolet View Post
Ok, so my "babies daddy" usually drinks about 4 beers a night, some more, some less. I find this scary as I don't want him turning into an alcoholic. When I say something about it, he acts like I'm being a prude. He says this is normal in every drinking household. I say a couple beers is "normal." I'm scared because he denies how much he drinks every night, even though I'm right there watching him. I do not like his attitude when he gets three beers in him either. Hes harder to get along with. What should I do without sounding like a nag, and how much drinking is ok? We can't exactly afford a six pack a day habit either.
There is no one who can give you an exact definition of how many beers a night is "acceptable." There is no such thing. When someone is overweight they can be 5 to 10 pounds overweight or they could be 50 or 100 pounds overweight. Unfortunately, with drinking, such a measure does not exist but it also falls on a continuum. The problem is that programs such as AA and al-anon assume that it is all the same thing, and it's not.
post #19 of 28
I don't know where the OP is from, but for those saying that drinking daily is a sign of a problem ... please keep in mind that in European cultures (and many others) it's absolutely normal and common to drink daily. Especially with dinner or in the evenings. It's not a sign of impending alcoholism or addiction. It's just a cultural norm.

I don't think the OP said where her dh is from or what culture he adheres to.
post #20 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sailor View Post
I don't know where the OP is from, but for those saying that drinking daily is a sign of a problem ... please keep in mind that in European cultures (and many others) it's absolutely normal and common to drink daily. Especially with dinner or in the evenings. It's not a sign of impending alcoholism or addiction. It's just a cultural norm.

I don't think the OP said where her dh is from or what culture he adheres to.
I'm glad you said this. I agree.
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