Adopted a dog and I feel bad

[netgyks]

We adopted a dog Saturday and nobody in the house, especially the 4 cats, loves him. This is brutally honest--I'm not bonding. I just feel awful because my cats don't seem to be around as much. My husband was only going along with this for my sake. We were out at the park and our toddler kept trying to go to play with the doggies who live in the fenced yard next door, he doesn't give this dog the time of day.

This dog is wonderful, there is nothing in the world wrong with him. I feel like there is everything wrong with us. No doubt we can provide for him, care for him, but I don't know that we'll love him. We're in the one week trial period. Will we still feel like this on Saturday? Is this normal? I feel like a mom who has a baby and loves dearly, then has a second child and doesn't love it the same or nearly as much. I feel awful typing this. I want to do right by the dog and by us. And I don't want to turn him back over and regret it. I don't think we will. I think the reality is that we are definitely cat people (we do cat rescue and fostering all the time). Maybe our son will grow to love him? Maybe we will?

Any advice?

[AlbertaJes]

You have to give it time. I adopted a dog who ended up being a PITA with retraining and all that, it took me a good year to get to the point where I didn't want to take her back at least every other day. We've had her over 6 years now and she is a wonderful, wonderful dog.

[netgyks]

It doesn't have to be love at first sight? That is good to know, that the love can build. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this dog other than the not barking at strangers (but he just got here) or people at the door. I really need that. Well, I think he did get into the litter pan GROSS, but there aren't any big issues like housebreaking or inappropriate jumping, etc.

More time. I can do this. My cats will come around?

After I typed the original post, my toddler came up and fed the dog and gave him hugs and kisses. At least he knows he exists!

[LeahBoo]

I didn't love my second dog at first. I took her because the family was going to put her to sleep because she was getting old (I've had her for 4 years). I didn't love her. Then she almost killed one of my chinchillas, and I was done. I wanted to give her back, or to a rescue. I decided to give her a couple more weeks (I REALLY dog proofed the chinchilla cages). Best decision I ever made. I adore this little dog now, and can't imagine not having her. She has made me love dachshunds, I don't think I'll ever be without one.

[lifeguard]

I HATED our older dog when we first got her. Dh wanted her & that is why we got her. Well, she is now most definitely MY dog. I don't remember exactly how long it took but I know it was a couple of weeks before her & I really started bonding (there were a LOT of issues with her at first due to her having extreme anxiety issues).

As for the cats - we had 2 at the time. That took awhile. One finally conceded that the dog was here to stay & tolerated her. The other never really adjusted & just stayed out of reach.

Try to relax about it.

For the litterbox - find a place the dog can't go. Ime - a dog that likes "cat treats" will always go for the box when they get the opportunity. We cut a cat door into the door to the basement & put the litterbox there.

[Sailor]

It takes time. Also - sorry if this comes out weird, I mean it in a nice way - why do you care how your cats feel towards the dog? I mean, barring any animosity towards one another, of course. The cats don't have to play with the dog or cuddle with him to be OK with it. I know many pet households where the cats ignore the dog 100% and the dog ignores the cats 100%. No need for them to be best friends!

I also think toddlers are pretty fickle. Your child may like the dogs outside, but may not be that interested in a dog inside. Or may become interested later on, when older. Or just as more time passes. I wouldn't worry about this either.

When I first got Roark (my GSD), I underestimated the amount of work involved. It was SO MUCH. My whole life revolved around him (he's a working dog). There were times where I literally cried over it, where I wanted to call the breeder and say "take him back!"

I persevered ... and at the end of that first year, we had bonded. By the end of the second year, we were inseparable and I loved him. He's 3 years old now, and I can't imagine not having him.

[Nicole915]

Don't beat yourself up over this, sometimes its an immediate click, and sometimes it takes a while. I will confess that it took me a while to bond to one of my rescues. I would go to work at my animal hospital and feel more bonded to my patients than the creature at home, and it was such a source of guilt. In my case, it took a few months, but that dog has turned out to be the most dynamic and rewarding animal relationship I've ever been a part of.

All that said, if its not the right fit, then you should utilize the one week trial and be able to return him to the rescue.

[greenmagick]

As others have said, it takes time. I waited for my great dane for years, and was a little shocked when I didnt immediately fall in love. I have since, it just took a bit of time for us to get to know each other.

And as far as your toddler, well, the world to them is now so everything changes so quickly My 3.5 year old daughter was super excited about the puppy and talked of her nonstop for weeks. now somedays she says she wishes Ivy would die (we have had several deaths recently, she doesnt quite get it yet and so this I feel is her way of trying to figure our what it means) sometimes she wants to give her back to her mommy and daddy, and other days she is laying with her singing her songs about how much she loves her

[*Aimee*]

I hate my dog! I've had him for 6 or so weeks. He's a puppy and insane. Sailor has given me some fantastic advice that's making life with him much better. He bites my 15 month old constantly so it was really hard for me to like him because I was too Mama Bear ya know?

My point is, after 6 weeks of hating this dog, and wishing and BEGGING Dh to let me give him back to the breeder, I'm starting to like him.

He IS kinda cute and is learning really quick now that we've finally found something that works. So I say, just give it time. I'm sure you'll start loving him soon!

[netgyks]

Well some things happened tonight. We've had an escape that would've been horrible if my mom's helper wasn't here. Even still, while I was racing back with toddler in arms to get the car, I fell with Jacob under me and slammed my head into the storm door. Thankfully I didn't break the glass, but I have bruises and knots. Not the dog's fault, but I would never have been able to recover him without help.

We have experienced some snapping tonight. He humped my cat. That I cannot tolerate, I'm fiercely loyal to my cats. I had a talk with my husband and then with the director for the rescue organization and while he thinks I'm a superb cat owner, he also thinks we are definitely cat people and just aren't dealing well with a dog, dog behaviors and dog characteristics (like smell and bathing).

The dog really deserves a family that will adore him and not just tolerate him while secretly being resentful for causing the cats to hide all the time.

I feel rotten about this I should have known better.

[greenmagick]

Well, It sounds like youve already made your decision but 3 days and you expected your cats to adjust? Seriously??

[Sailor]

Is this your first time ever being around a dog? I'm just curious ... as, you seem very surprised at how this is going. Nothing that you've described is abnormal or anything to be worried about. On the contrary - your time sounds easier than mine when Roark was a puppy! My dog ate the neighbor's kitten. Yes, ate him. In his defense, the kitten did come into our backyard and I was inside on a bathroom break, not paying attention. My dog was 3 months, the prey drive hit, and the kitten was gone.

Fun times explaining that to the neighbor!

Anyway, it does sound like you've made up your mind already. But ... as the pp said, your cats aren't going to adjust in a matter of days.

[buttercups.nest]

We tried adopting a dog too...my little one was 6, 7. 8, months old at the time and I didn't think a dog would add too much stress. I grew up with dogs and have wanted one since moving out on my own.

Anyway, by the time Monday came I took the dog back in tears....I felt horribly guilty but at the same time relieved...my husband hated it, the cats hated it, etc no one seemed happy. I'm starting to wonder if we too are cat people :s

My point is if its best for your family don't feel guilty In the end that means its best for the dog too!

[netgyks]

Thank you everyone for all the words of encouragement. After a good night's sleep, I've decided not to be so hasty and let this develop further. My husband however still wants him gone, is admitting that he never wanted him to begin with and only agreed for my sake. 3 of the 4 cats are getting along with him and aren't even running off when he comes up to them. The fourth I learned had a bad dog experience when she was a kitten. My brother thought I knew, but I didn't. She'll come around and realize not all dogs are bad. The toddler, well as someone says toddlers can be fickle, but I think overall he will benefit greatly from having a dog in his life as a companion. My cats aren't very companion-y with him lol. So we'll see if dh can find it in his heart to not resent the dog (or me). I have high hopes that he will come around.

Oh, and the smell of the unwashed vintage silk sari wrap skirts that he was wallering in and set off his open mouth playing that looked like it could become snapping and his weird humping behavior... those are going in a box until I sell them. Remove the trigger and the behavior will disappear as well.

He deserves much more of a chance than 2 measly days.

[EFmom]

I would agree with the pps that it often takes time.

We had to put a much beloved dog down last summer, and a month or two later got a mutt from a rescue.

It took a while for all of us to warm up to the mutt, through no fault of her own. She's a homely little thing, but very sweet, and very easy going. She had little in the way of genuinely annoying behaviors, but it just took us some time to fall in love with her.

Re the cats, you just might be surprised. We have an old cat. Our new dog is part Bassett Hound, and she used to bark at the cat, and try to go after it. The cat is dog savvy, but our previous dog was a giant breed, so if the cat tired of him, it was easy to get under some furniture and get away from him. With the new, small dog, there was no place to go.

We thought we'd have to keep them separated forever, and for about six months, we did. The dog would bark her fool head off every time she saw the cat, and lunge at the gate. Then all of the sudden, it was like a switch flipped in her head, and she stopped. She and the cat are now fast friends. They sleep together and lick each other. So, there is hope with the cats.

[carfreemama]

We just adopted a 6-year-old rescue about a month ago, sight unseen (internet pics). He was described by the rescue (who knew him most of his life) as "bombproof" with children, excellent with other dogs, okay with cats and very gentle.

Within the first 2 days of arrival he had chased our cat up a tree, escaped to run through traffic on a major road (then made a second escape) and jumped on my daughter's back so that I had to peel him off her. He barked so ferociously at the neighbour's terrier that in getting him away, I had scratches that left great big bruises on my leg.

In a panic, I called the rescue and asked her what plan B was for this dog. I wasn't prepared to give him up, but I was really freaked out and worried he wouldn't be a good fit for our family. The rescue organizer was really reassuring. She told me this was all perfectly normal behaviour for dogs who have been rescued from (in this case) complete abandonment.

Fast forward 1 month. This dog is my angel. He settled down after about 3 days and it just got much, much better from there. The place is still Fort Knox, because he IS a runner; but other than that he's perfect and really is the dog the rescue described him as. But he wasn't when we first got him.

What we DID do was enrol him in a family companion obedience class pretty much right away. It was clear he needed direction and socialization. I think that has helped enourmously; not just for him, but for my confidence that he can learn. Most of all, it's incredibly bonding the first time you ask your dog to sit and he does! Those first few days were SO overwhelming, though!

FWIW, dd wanted the dog to be all over HER, but he wasn't. He bonded to me first and I so, so wanted him to love her the most. Their bonding has taken much longer, but it's happening now. Good luck!

[A&A]

Originally Posted by *Aimee*

He bites my 15 month old constantly so it was really hard for me to like him because I was too Mama Bear ya know?

You still have a dog that bites your child repeatedly?

[greenmagick]

Originally Posted by A&A

You still have a dog that bites your child repeatedly?

I am pretty sure we are talking about puppy mouthing here.


To the OP, I am glad you are taking some time to try and work things out. As a PP mentioned, have you ever had a dog before? Have you done reading on dog behavior and training? Open mouth playing should not turn into snapping....one is playful one is aggressive....not saying a dog could never get overly worked up but there are other signs.

I would suggest for overall dog behavior and relationship advice:

Bones Would Rain from the Sky - by suzanne clothier

The Other End of the Leah - by Patricia McConnell

for training:

Family Friendly Dog Training - by Patrica McConnell

Are you guys getting singed up for obedience classes? They are very important, though you need to find the right one for you. Besides the training, its great bonding and socialization. The trainer can also pick up on any inconsistencies you have that can confuse your dog.

Good Luck!

(oh, and one of my cats took almost a year to forgive me for getting my first dog...now she just pouts for like a day or two)

[phatchristy]

Are you just feeling overly frustrated because of the amount of work that a dog is? Puppies are an incredible amount of work, dogs are also a lot of work. That is, in comparison to having cats. And, I've had a lot of cats around here long in the past when I was showing and helping a friend with her breeding program. I'm just wondering here as a cat person (who has had dogs in the past) if that is what has gotten you discouraged.

The dog thing really is a whole different ballgame entirely.

As far as personality goes, as for pets I've generally known within the first 4-5 days for sure who I was clicking with. The last cat we adopted, I can say that I'm not very close to her at all. It's just sort of happened that way that her personality doesn't mesh as well with me as my other two. However, my one daughter absolutely adores her, and really I call that cat "her cat" for that reason. I like the super smart, talkative, outgoing, in your face, give me lovin, type of cat (hey, just like me LOL). She's more laid back and quiet, kind of ditzy actually. She's very sweet and gentle. Definitely great for a little girl though! LOL I do like her better when she's pink...therefore right now she's pink! And, I've shown and owned enough cats to know there's just some personalities you mesh with and others you don't.

If that's not it, don't be too hard on yourself if it turns out you're a cat person. I have to say, I've had both and here with a busy family life I don't see myself having a dog. I have such awesome cats and they're so little work in comparison I couldn't justify having a dog when I get so much loving companionship from them so easily.

(ducking in case one of the dog lovers throws a tomato)

[Ola_]

I have to say that as far as "new dog adjustment" stuff this isn't bad at all. It's normal to have naughty behaviours, peeing/pooping indoors, stealing items or chewing them up. I would consider all of these to be normal during the adjustment phase. I have liked both of my dogs more the more I got to know them. Also I find doing something together like training, walks, or anything you both find fun - basically bonding.

But really, if you're a cat person and just want to have cats, then maybe getting a dog is not a good idea. Why did you want a dog?