cell phone

[G8P4]

I am in the process of negotiating a new cell phone for my DD. In the past, the cell phone has been a huge hassle for ME, the source of lots of conflict, and some really sneaky behavior. Any advice for those who have BTDT? What rules did you enforce? What discussions did you have? What worked? What didn't work?


Thanks!

[joyluc]

My DS who is 12 had a cheap phone that he was embarassed about for a couple of years for emergencies. At the end of sixth grade he started really asking for a cell phone that he wouldn't be embarassed by and that he could text with. After thinking about it - wanting him to have contact with friends over the summer and understanding his desire to fit into his suburban school - I decided that we would get him a new phone.

I added a second line to my phone and bought him a text package, 250 a month I think. During his first month he accessed the Internet a couple of times and it was expensive so I blocked that. So far we haven't had any problems with him going over minutes or the block of texts but he isn't using it much this summer.

We talked about sending inappropriate pictures and the trouble some teens have gotten into. He doesn't have a sister but does have a cousin he cares for a lot so I said that if there was anything he wouldn't want to see her in then he shouldn't be involved in it. I think he heard that.

Not sure what your issues have been. HTH.

[Drummer's Wife]

What were the problems in the past? I'm just curious b/c we recently bought our oldest a (pre-paid) cell phone. No internet or camera (though she has already complained about that). I have talked to her about not wasting the minutes, like by calling me 10 times when she is upstairs and I am downstairs. Other than that, I don't have any restrictions. Basically, it's a trial run. I want to see how responsible she can be about charging, taking w/her when she goes to her friend's house, taking care of it, etc. The phone was $15 (Motorola flip phone) and the min. aren't too bad, so it obviously wasn't a huge investment. She's 8, so I imagine any concerning behavior regarding cell phone usage and texting tends to be a problem with older kids/teens??

So, I'm really curious as to what the hassle on your end was? Bills? constant texting? So far for us, it has been a positive communication tool.

[choli]

I've found that pay as you go makes kids much more mindful of their cell phone use

[G8P4]

We had a whole raft of issues. Texting in the night, texting nasty stuff to me, answering the phone when it suited her and when it didn't, "out of batteries" or stuff like that. Girlfriends pretending to be her, eg, Hi, this is DD but I am just using XXX'x phone"....to sneak around etc.

I forgot about the picture thing also.

I am thinking pay as you go too.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by G8P4

We had a whole raft of issues. Texting in the night, texting nasty stuff to me, answering the phone when it suited her and when it didn't, "out of batteries" or stuff like that. Girlfriends pretending to be her, eg, Hi, this is DD but I am just using XXX'x phone"....to sneak around etc.

I forgot about the picture thing also.

I am thinking pay as you go too.

oh, yikes! You must have a teen, then. I am not sure how I would handle all that drama.


Hopefully you will get advice with others who have BTDT.

[G8P4]

Yep, she's a teen.

My DS who is 12 had a cheap phone that he was embarassed about for a couple of years for emergencies. At the end of sixth grade he started really asking for a cell phone that he wouldn't be embarassed by and that he could text with. After thinking about it - wanting him to have contact with friends over the summer and understanding his desire to fit into his suburban school - I decided that we would get him a new phone.

There's this factor too, Joyluc. I have such a hard time with this. I understand the need to fit in. But it just feels wrong to buy into the status symbol thing. OTOH, I understand the need to fit in....and so it goes, around and around in my head.

[SandraS]

My son got a cell when I began giving him the freedom to go wherever he wanted to go, whenever he wanted to go there.

I simply have a family plan on my cell, adding only $10.00 per month. I negotiated with Sprint a VERY discounted unlimited text plan. My son just has to check in with me a couple of times a day, and by 11 p.m. he has to let me know if he's coming home or not.

Those are the only "rules" we have.

My 2nd son will get a phone probably within the next year or so, when he demonstrates the responsibility to begin riding his bike or walking across town or to the next town, where I'll want him to be able to check in with me.

[Storm Bride]

DS1 has his own phone, on his own plan. He knows the parameters and what charges are extra. If he exceeds the base cost of his plan in any given month, he pays for the extra out of his allowance. He slipped up and made a bunch of calls during his off time a couple of months ago, and got no allowance for about 6 weeks. We've had a couple of bad months, but he's getting the picture. As far as anything else - if he uses the phone inappropriately and/or we can't contact him on it, we'll confiscate it, and he knows that.

[2goingon2]

My daughter just got an upgrade that she paid for half of. We did have issues with the phone in she was always going over her text limit and accessing the Internet. So, we had the net removed and I gave up on the texting and she has unlimited. I don't get it and have no desire to constantly text but I'm not 16 either. With the new phone, I went ahead and added back on a data plan so she does have access to the net now via her phone. Last February we took her phone away from her because of grades and she didn't get it back until the end of May. She was also grounded so there was no use for a phone other than the social aspect of it and she had our landline for that. She brought her grades up dramatically and she is a tremendous help to me at home with her 3 little brothers. I seriously sometimes wonder what I would do without her so paying extra for her phone extras is something my husband and I are willing to do for her. She also knows that when school starts up and if the grades start falling, then the phone becomes ours again.

Regarding the texting at night...we had that too so on school nights the phone becomes ours at 10:00. It is turned off. Texting nasty stuff to you? Yikes. I'd take the texting package off the phone plan. Make it a rule that YOU don't respond to text messages so her friends can't text and pretend they are her. Maybe a basic, no frills pay as you go phone until she can show some more respect to you?

[G8P4]

Good advice 2goingon2....I think prepaid and limits like you suggested, the phone is ours after 10 pm. And thanks for sharing the "going over your limit" with texts- this is why I don't want to do a plan. We have had more fights over the phone thing than any other issue, I think.

[AnnieA]

We got DSS 14 a cell phone for christmas. DH set it up with him so that he has a three strike rule...if DH tries to text or call him three times during a reasonable period (like a day) and does not get a response, DH will call the provider and temporarily suspend DSS's phone. It's worked so far.

[Porcelain Interior]

Or how about just no cell phone?

I have a daughter going into the 8th grade and she has never had one.

They really don't "need" them, they've just been brainwashed into thinking they do.

(*I realize some parents NEED to be able to contact their kids, and if that is the case here my advice does not apply.)

[mtiger]

Actually, sometimes kids DO *need* a cell. My two get broadcast texts/voicemails from teachers and other classmates about changes to their homework. When they're away from home, there are circumstances that require contacting me (traffic, late start, whatever) - pay phones are hard to find these days and it's certainly not fair to expect other kids or teachers to pay for my kids to call me on the other people's cells.

I started mine at the start of MS with a tracfone that they shared as needed. They knew that texting was limited as was call time. When they learned to limit their use, I added them both to my plan and got them phones of their own. We have unlimited texting (which the three of us use a lot between ourselves), unlimited calls after 9pm. I've had no problem.

[SandraS]

My favorite use of texting is my sitting in the living room and texting Brett upstairs to come and make me a cup of coffee... teeheee

My kids do need them. I want them to check in when they're riding their bikes 20 miles away, maybe weather turns and I need to come get them, or they're letting me know they're going to be later than they said; or going in a car with someone across town. It is difficult to find another phone to use.

And I really don't care if he's texting at midnight. He's the one that has to get up and go to school, and he knows if he's been up too late. Doesn't cost me a dime for him to talk late or text late, frankly there are bigger and better things for me to spend my time worrying about!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior

Or how about just no cell phone?

I have a daughter going into the 8th grade and she has never had one.

They really don't "need" them, they've just been brainwashed into thinking they do.

(*I realize some parents NEED to be able to contact their kids, and if that is the case here my advice does not apply.)

There's definitely a lot of this going on. DS1 wanted one in grade seven. He got one in grade nine - for his 15th birthday. I finally decided that it was simpler for me if he had one, honestly. I'm out with the littler ones a lot, and ds1 used to have a requirement to come home or call after school before he went anywhere else. That didn't work when I wasn't home. He'd try my cell, but if I were driving, I wouldn't answer it. So...now, he can just go to a friend's house or whatever, and accept that I may call him and say, "Hey - did you forget we're having dinner at grandma's tonight? Be home in 15 minutes or die." It's made life simpler for everybody and ds1 loves having the phone. His does have a camera, but he's fairly level-headed, so far...mostly takes really innocent pics of his friends and siblings. He also does a lot of background type shots, and then plays with the effects (negative, colour changes, etc.) the phone can do.

[onelilguysmommy]

Some of these problems can be fixed by having age appropriate (whatever you feel that may be) blocks on the phones. I know Verizon has some pretty good ones where you can pick exactly what you want blocked, how many minutes, what times, data charges (5 bucks a month unlimited which you can then block content if needed) etc.

[sagewinna]

My 15 year old has a phone. It is for calls only, none of us have texting or internet access. It's for reaching us while he's out and about, that sort of thing, the house phone is for social calls.

My neice has had phones since she was in Junior High, and she is rarely truly present for anything... She is constantly checking her phone for texts, texting back, etc.

[G8P4]

Thanks Mamas for your input.

I need to set limits on the phone, but, duh, one thing I hadn't considered was Porcelain Interior's idea...

Or how about just no cell phone?

Hmmm. Maybe this is really the best "choice" for us now.


Is there a cell phone you can turn off at night? Like, remotely? is that what you mean Onelilguysmommy?

[onelilguysmommy]

No, I mean that you can set up with your plan (they have this online but you can call or do it instore as well)
that they can only have so many minutes if you have a share plan and you can cut off useage at certain times.
You can block SMS, block certain numbers or even only allow certain numbers. Block ringtones/ringback tones, games, other downloadable stuff, etc.
Through Verizon at least, I don't know about parental controls for other providers.

If your kid needs a phone but you don't want them on the phone all night or having a 2000.00 bill, there are very easy ways to fix that with tjhem still able to be reachable.