I am thinking gentle dicipline is over rated - Page 3

[Carley]

Originally Posted by zonapellucida

Thank you Lisa because after reading the anseres to this post, I have felt absolutely horrible... All I wanted was a palce to vent.

I relate as much as I can being a mother of just one tyrant 3yo. I almost feel sad for mothers who are under the delusion they need to be perfect all the time so badly that they project their visions of their perfect selves onto us "IRL" internet people.

mama!!

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by Dar

I think it's very possible to be gentle while still maintaining firm boundaries for yourself and ensuring that your children understand that a family must balance the needs of all members.

Maybe you could give some examples of situations in which you feel that gentle discipline is ineffective, and we could brainstorm some solutions?

:

Exactly what I was going to say!

I think it's a huge misnomer that gentle discipline = no discipline. I always want to remind mamas that GENTLE is the key word that explains the style of discipline, or teaching, that we use with our children.

It's important to me to teach my children gently. That's what gentle discipline is. It's NOT saying 'ignore my boundaries and treat me like dirt while I wring my hands helplessly'. In fact, I get tons of compliments at how well my kids are behaving (out in public, go figure LOL). And, FWIW, gentle discipline doesn't equal zero consequences either. For me and our family, we find the simplest way to parent is to allow the natural consequences to occur (most of the time), and occassionally discuss/encourage some logical ones.

A natural consequence of treating someone poorly is they don't want to be around you very much. A logical consequence of losing your brother's hat is replacing it.

Sometimes I replace consequence with 'reaction' and that helps my perspective quite a bit. The word 'consequence' seems imposed and punitive, whether it's intended as natural or logical. That could be just me though LOL

Gentle discipline is striving to be calm and patience DESPITE their behavior. It's also about teaching them to set and honor respectful limits for themselves and others.

I'd love to hear you vent a little and maybe we can come up with some alternatives to your frustrations? The pre-teen years can be sooooooooo infuriating!

[MommyKelly]

Big Hugs to you.

I also have 9. GD has worked wonderful on most of my kiddos. Then I have some that make me need a time out quite a bit.

Some kids just push limits further then others. At our house we do what works best for each child. There are times when I wonder if something "firmer" would work, but it just goes against my nature so we stick with trying to find a form of GD that works for that kid.

But I understand that feeling like your being walked on all the time.

[mama2mygirl]

Originally Posted by Dar

I think it's very possible to be gentle while still maintaining firm boundaries for yourself and ensuring that your children understand that a family must balance the needs of all members.

Maybe you could give some examples of situations in which you feel that gentle discipline is ineffective, and we could brainstorm some solutions?

The children I know in real life, not mine, who seem like "little tyrants" are parents who claim to be using gentle discipline but aren't actually using any kind of discipline.